Alright so this is just getting ridiculous.
So then. Over a year since I last made an entry in this lovely little online journal. Certainly lots of things happen to oneself in a year, but do I want to take the time to jot them all down in this personal diatribe? Not really. I guess I'll just hit the high points.
In relation to school: I brought my grades back up to 3.0 for the fall of 2009 and then promptly dropped back down to 2.95, so I have some catching up to do the next few semesters. Assuming I stay on scheshule ill graduate with a bachelor's degree after spring of 2010. After which I hope to pursue a graduate career in some field pertaining to aerodynamics or something else that peaks my interest. I should probably get on that though as I have yet to talk to anyone or get any information regarding said graduate school.
On the subject of happenings: Aaron had his twenty-first birthday party, which was a blast and I happened to get so hammered that I licked/humped a gay friend of mine, made out with and/or kissed three separate women, and walked straight into a ditch fully ten feet deep and had to crawl out of it. Which surprisingly only resulted in a few scrapes. The one thing I remember from that was that when I started climbing back out I was trying really hard not to lose my sandals, and I succeeded! I also threw up many times in the sink and was super sick the next day. I have to say I'm a little surprised I didn't fucking die I drank so much. I definitely blacked out because people were telling me I did more shots than I remember taking. Lots of other things went down during the year but none really jump to mind right now.
On to the love life: After being the subject of many rejections/short lived flings I finally nabbed a girlfriend. Her name was Carrie and she was great. I certainly learned alot of things from our relationship, which was a major reason I went into it in the first place. Which may say something about the reason why we eventually broke up. The truth is I really care about Carrie alot and I would never wish to do her harm, but I never felt that really strong, almost magnetic attraction with her. It was more a rationalized like, the kind of thing where you tell yourself that you SHOULD like her, whether or not you do. Anyways we broke up last week and its been pretty hard on her, I on the other hand feel like an ass pretty much because I don't feel devastated. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what I did, it was going to hurt her when we broke up and it could have been way worse. I thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together and I hope she comes to the point where she looks back fondly on our relationship and not just with regret or heartache.
And finally we arrive at my current object of affection, maybe even my reason for preserving this entry of thoughts in the archive that is cyberspace. Samantha. I can't say enough about her, she's intelligent, unique, funny, caring, and unbelievably beautiful. A short time ago, I wouldn't have even believed that a girl so attractive could possibly be remotely interested in me. I find myself almost intimidated by her, shes that amazing. She occupies most, if not all of my thoughts. She is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last when I close my eyes to sleep. I haven't felt this way in, well forever probably. I mean sure I used to think of Stephanie a great deal, but i always knew it was more of a one-sided deal, kind of an un-requited interest. Now I have this amazing girl who I believe reciprocates my feelings and I don't know what to do with myself. Right now it is intensely agonizing, because even whilst Carrie was my girlfriend we never spent more than a few days apart. Now that Carrie and I are no longer together however, she is back home on the East coast for winter break, which means I have very few opportunities to see her. We are scheduled to meet this Monday and I have been anxiously counting the days until our rendezvous. She has been having a very tough time with her ex-boyfriend, David, who has taken to hurting himself and those around him as much as possible, maybe in an attempt to lessen the, or make people feel the same, pain he has been feeling since the break-up. He has so far, to my knowledge, attempted to take his own life and railed against Sam, telling her that he believes she never loved him and that their relationship was all some kind of lie.
I've done my best to be there for her and support her actions, but I continuously feel that it is not enough. Maybe I'm barbaric or chauvinist, but I feel an intense need to protect women from harm, emotional or physical, especially those I care about deeply. When I can't do that, I feel like I am failing as a Man, and as a friend. This was a main reason why I broke up with Carrie, though I did not mention it to her as I thought it would only upset her further. Every time she called me crying, or broke down while we were together, I felt supremely helpless, as if I could do absolutely nothing to improve the situation.
Anyway, as I've started to simply ramble on, I think it best to conclude this entry with some realizations and maybe a throwback to old times with a nice little quote.
It seems that no matter how long I deliberate on the matter I can never definitively define who I myself am. Maybe that is the nature of life, that we are always changing and evolving as human beings. It sure does make things difficult though. I hope to one day think myself as good a boyfriend as a regular friend. So far in my experience I have made a super swell friend but a lousy boyfriend. I hope that with experience in the latter category comes wisdom and understanding. As an addendum, I think that I am a damn good writer. Maybe it's because I'm partly intoxicated right now, but I feel that most of my entries in this journal are witty and insightful, as are any stories or papers I put together for school. With one exception, I think I use way, way, way too many commas. So be it.
QOTY(Quote of the Year):There is certainly more to life than drinking, but at the present time I certainly don't care.
-Jerry(Always Drunk)Daun
In relation to school: I brought my grades back up to 3.0 for the fall of 2009 and then promptly dropped back down to 2.95, so I have some catching up to do the next few semesters. Assuming I stay on scheshule ill graduate with a bachelor's degree after spring of 2010. After which I hope to pursue a graduate career in some field pertaining to aerodynamics or something else that peaks my interest. I should probably get on that though as I have yet to talk to anyone or get any information regarding said graduate school.
On the subject of happenings: Aaron had his twenty-first birthday party, which was a blast and I happened to get so hammered that I licked/humped a gay friend of mine, made out with and/or kissed three separate women, and walked straight into a ditch fully ten feet deep and had to crawl out of it. Which surprisingly only resulted in a few scrapes. The one thing I remember from that was that when I started climbing back out I was trying really hard not to lose my sandals, and I succeeded! I also threw up many times in the sink and was super sick the next day. I have to say I'm a little surprised I didn't fucking die I drank so much. I definitely blacked out because people were telling me I did more shots than I remember taking. Lots of other things went down during the year but none really jump to mind right now.
On to the love life: After being the subject of many rejections/short lived flings I finally nabbed a girlfriend. Her name was Carrie and she was great. I certainly learned alot of things from our relationship, which was a major reason I went into it in the first place. Which may say something about the reason why we eventually broke up. The truth is I really care about Carrie alot and I would never wish to do her harm, but I never felt that really strong, almost magnetic attraction with her. It was more a rationalized like, the kind of thing where you tell yourself that you SHOULD like her, whether or not you do. Anyways we broke up last week and its been pretty hard on her, I on the other hand feel like an ass pretty much because I don't feel devastated. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what I did, it was going to hurt her when we broke up and it could have been way worse. I thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together and I hope she comes to the point where she looks back fondly on our relationship and not just with regret or heartache.
And finally we arrive at my current object of affection, maybe even my reason for preserving this entry of thoughts in the archive that is cyberspace. Samantha. I can't say enough about her, she's intelligent, unique, funny, caring, and unbelievably beautiful. A short time ago, I wouldn't have even believed that a girl so attractive could possibly be remotely interested in me. I find myself almost intimidated by her, shes that amazing. She occupies most, if not all of my thoughts. She is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last when I close my eyes to sleep. I haven't felt this way in, well forever probably. I mean sure I used to think of Stephanie a great deal, but i always knew it was more of a one-sided deal, kind of an un-requited interest. Now I have this amazing girl who I believe reciprocates my feelings and I don't know what to do with myself. Right now it is intensely agonizing, because even whilst Carrie was my girlfriend we never spent more than a few days apart. Now that Carrie and I are no longer together however, she is back home on the East coast for winter break, which means I have very few opportunities to see her. We are scheduled to meet this Monday and I have been anxiously counting the days until our rendezvous. She has been having a very tough time with her ex-boyfriend, David, who has taken to hurting himself and those around him as much as possible, maybe in an attempt to lessen the, or make people feel the same, pain he has been feeling since the break-up. He has so far, to my knowledge, attempted to take his own life and railed against Sam, telling her that he believes she never loved him and that their relationship was all some kind of lie.
I've done my best to be there for her and support her actions, but I continuously feel that it is not enough. Maybe I'm barbaric or chauvinist, but I feel an intense need to protect women from harm, emotional or physical, especially those I care about deeply. When I can't do that, I feel like I am failing as a Man, and as a friend. This was a main reason why I broke up with Carrie, though I did not mention it to her as I thought it would only upset her further. Every time she called me crying, or broke down while we were together, I felt supremely helpless, as if I could do absolutely nothing to improve the situation.
Anyway, as I've started to simply ramble on, I think it best to conclude this entry with some realizations and maybe a throwback to old times with a nice little quote.
It seems that no matter how long I deliberate on the matter I can never definitively define who I myself am. Maybe that is the nature of life, that we are always changing and evolving as human beings. It sure does make things difficult though. I hope to one day think myself as good a boyfriend as a regular friend. So far in my experience I have made a super swell friend but a lousy boyfriend. I hope that with experience in the latter category comes wisdom and understanding. As an addendum, I think that I am a damn good writer. Maybe it's because I'm partly intoxicated right now, but I feel that most of my entries in this journal are witty and insightful, as are any stories or papers I put together for school. With one exception, I think I use way, way, way too many commas. So be it.
QOTY(Quote of the Year):There is certainly more to life than drinking, but at the present time I certainly don't care.
-Jerry(Always Drunk)Daun