(no subject)
There comes a time when you realize that your entire sence of self is completly dependent on other people. That you are not able to satify your emotional need internally. I don't really think I know how to be happy. My only sence of happyness comes from other people. This leads to big problems because I have a really hard time getting close to people and trusting them. I mean my mind convinces itself that my friends don't like me and that they don't like to have me around. That I am just a tag-along who doesn't fit in. The thing is is that when I am hanging out with them I don't feel that at all. I feel like I am just one of the gang and they make me feel welcomed. But I still can't get it out of my head. Like when I call a friend and they don't pick up my brain assumes that they just don't want to talk to me. It just jumps to that conclusion and it isn't rational at all because I know that there are many other factors involved. Lying in my bed trying to sleep is the most depressing part of the day. Its the time I truly feel alone. It doesn't matter that I was just having fun with friends minutes before, I immidiatly crash into a depressed state.
Well Im going home for the weekend. Today was Wes' birthday. Im ready for the break. Classes this semester are just so stressful. I have an exam on tuesday in a class that I have yet to stay awake through a whoe one.
On another note this season of 24 has been amazing. I can't wait till next monday. 2 hours of Jack Bauer ass kicking. Well thats it i guess. Its the first I've updated in months so I hope people still read this.
Well Im going home for the weekend. Today was Wes' birthday. Im ready for the break. Classes this semester are just so stressful. I have an exam on tuesday in a class that I have yet to stay awake through a whoe one.
On another note this season of 24 has been amazing. I can't wait till next monday. 2 hours of Jack Bauer ass kicking. Well thats it i guess. Its the first I've updated in months so I hope people still read this.