(no subject)
I know I haven't updated this thing lately. But I should. Because I can feel myself getting really irritated and I don't really have anyone to say certain things to. And I don't want to be known as a huge complainer...
But I think I'm at the end of my rope with Cara. I'm so in love with her and it's killing me. I don't think she understands how in love with her I am. We joke about it, and then she goes back to saying how she wants someone with blonde hair, athletic build and someone who is atleast 5'6. She's so shallow and it irritates me. Sometimes when I think I'm getting someplace with her, she retorts and freaks out. I know there is an age difference, and I know I'm not her perfect type. But that shouldn't keep 2 people apart. Should it? Sometimes I think if she had never left NY we would be together. But I'll never know. She doesn't seem too keen on visiting me. Or me visiting her. I've been in love with her since the day I met her. Kinda of like the way I was with Ash. And I know how strong my feelings were for her. And they're even stronger for Cara. I just wish she would understand. Sometimes I feel like we could make it work if I was a twig, and a bimbo. But I'm not. And never will be.
It's so depressing.
Aside from that I'm just really busy with school. And maybe I don't even have time for a gf. Or for love. I just made the equestrian team and I have to ride 3 days a week and work out twice a week. Now along with being an RA, a double major, and an EMT on squad thats alot. I also work 5 days a week at the welcome center on campus. Needless to say I'm awefully busy, but never busy enough to keep me from calling Cara. Oh, and another thing I just don't understand, is that she calls me. MOST of the time, she calls me and I answer. I don't think I've called her in weeks, but she calls me. Maybe I just don't understand her sense of humor? But I think that would be hard to do because I understand a lot of peoples humor. The other day I put her initials in my profile, and she freaked out asking me what they were and told me not to tell her if she knew what I meant. I put them in there because I don't know what else to do about her. And she flipped. I'm so willing to make it work with her... and I kinda wonder if this is my last chance for love. All my siblings have boyfriends, and girlfriends and wives. And I haven't had anyone for over a year and a half. It makes me so jealous how easy they have it, being straight. It makes me so jealous.
School is going great though. All my grades are good and the year is flying by. I think my riding is getting better too, it's my new obsession anyway. Everytime I go ride I understand my horse a little more. And the Coach of the team says I'm doing amazing for someone who's only ridden for a year. We get all this free stuff too because we're part of a varsity squad. So we get these cool riding jackets, and windpants and gym bags with our names all over them. Its great.
I just can't get over the fact that I have no one to share any of this with. I need to go running. I'm getting too stressed.
*C
But I think I'm at the end of my rope with Cara. I'm so in love with her and it's killing me. I don't think she understands how in love with her I am. We joke about it, and then she goes back to saying how she wants someone with blonde hair, athletic build and someone who is atleast 5'6. She's so shallow and it irritates me. Sometimes when I think I'm getting someplace with her, she retorts and freaks out. I know there is an age difference, and I know I'm not her perfect type. But that shouldn't keep 2 people apart. Should it? Sometimes I think if she had never left NY we would be together. But I'll never know. She doesn't seem too keen on visiting me. Or me visiting her. I've been in love with her since the day I met her. Kinda of like the way I was with Ash. And I know how strong my feelings were for her. And they're even stronger for Cara. I just wish she would understand. Sometimes I feel like we could make it work if I was a twig, and a bimbo. But I'm not. And never will be.
It's so depressing.
Aside from that I'm just really busy with school. And maybe I don't even have time for a gf. Or for love. I just made the equestrian team and I have to ride 3 days a week and work out twice a week. Now along with being an RA, a double major, and an EMT on squad thats alot. I also work 5 days a week at the welcome center on campus. Needless to say I'm awefully busy, but never busy enough to keep me from calling Cara. Oh, and another thing I just don't understand, is that she calls me. MOST of the time, she calls me and I answer. I don't think I've called her in weeks, but she calls me. Maybe I just don't understand her sense of humor? But I think that would be hard to do because I understand a lot of peoples humor. The other day I put her initials in my profile, and she freaked out asking me what they were and told me not to tell her if she knew what I meant. I put them in there because I don't know what else to do about her. And she flipped. I'm so willing to make it work with her... and I kinda wonder if this is my last chance for love. All my siblings have boyfriends, and girlfriends and wives. And I haven't had anyone for over a year and a half. It makes me so jealous how easy they have it, being straight. It makes me so jealous.
School is going great though. All my grades are good and the year is flying by. I think my riding is getting better too, it's my new obsession anyway. Everytime I go ride I understand my horse a little more. And the Coach of the team says I'm doing amazing for someone who's only ridden for a year. We get all this free stuff too because we're part of a varsity squad. So we get these cool riding jackets, and windpants and gym bags with our names all over them. Its great.
I just can't get over the fact that I have no one to share any of this with. I need to go running. I'm getting too stressed.
*C