Defying Gravity - Kurt & Rachel
Jon leaves in a couple days. Its very nerve wrecking only for the simple fact he helped me create this big mess and now I am left alone to take care of it. And I dont even know if thats really whats bothering me or if its just that its one less person I will have access to. My whole goal has been to create this...family of friends, and as gay as that sounds, I feel like I havent done a terrible job. Jon is an important part of that...even if he may be the drunk abusive uncle some days.
I'm involved with two boys, two roommates, two ex's at the same time. I have feelings for both of them, so I have decided to not act at all. I dont want to hurt anyone, and at the same time, I am not sure who I am more compatible with. It all happened at once, and theyre so polite and nice...it makes me think I should keep them as strict friends because it seems like they both need friends for very, very separate reasons. I want to help, but its hard being there twice as much...knowing theyre potentially comparing our dates. Its a balancing act for the sole reason I have to be in two spots at once. If I'm on one date...I still have to respond to the other's text so he doesnt think something suspicious is going on I guess? Maybe I am just paranoid.
God I have so much laundry to do. I have to go the meeting today in Grand Blanc. I just feel nauseated. I dont want to deal with this shit anymore. I was so happy to be back in the religion so they could talk to me...now I am beginning to feel once again that theyll never really be okay with who I am...so why lead this double life. My whole life will not be a double life, I refuse.
I told Ian about Jon at my apartment. The night. I trusted him with it. Surprised myself honestly.
I'm involved with two boys, two roommates, two ex's at the same time. I have feelings for both of them, so I have decided to not act at all. I dont want to hurt anyone, and at the same time, I am not sure who I am more compatible with. It all happened at once, and theyre so polite and nice...it makes me think I should keep them as strict friends because it seems like they both need friends for very, very separate reasons. I want to help, but its hard being there twice as much...knowing theyre potentially comparing our dates. Its a balancing act for the sole reason I have to be in two spots at once. If I'm on one date...I still have to respond to the other's text so he doesnt think something suspicious is going on I guess? Maybe I am just paranoid.
God I have so much laundry to do. I have to go the meeting today in Grand Blanc. I just feel nauseated. I dont want to deal with this shit anymore. I was so happy to be back in the religion so they could talk to me...now I am beginning to feel once again that theyll never really be okay with who I am...so why lead this double life. My whole life will not be a double life, I refuse.
I told Ian about Jon at my apartment. The night. I trusted him with it. Surprised myself honestly.