Rihanna is going to eat you
Things have been rather mundane but I've experienced newer sort of emotions as of late. Breaking out of routine has never been such a struggle for me as it is now. And mundanity seems like a tool of the devil almost. Day in and day out, it's school.
I retreated to a whole lot of sleeping as a result. Snoozing away mundanity which sounds so strange because technically sleeping is mundane to an extent. Then the need for actually seeing my friends and having a life occurred, so that's normal. But thinking back to the bit where I was like practically mummified... it was a chance for me to think about things, and sleep is really what gets me inspired nowadays.
Not a boy, not flashing lights or youth, but sleep. Maybe because then, my brain can actually function.
It gave me time to think about my un-aspiration to be a filmmaker. And I realize, I need to somewhat erase what the industry is in order for me to feel passionate about film. When film stands alone, the way I want to shoot it, with the people I want to shoot it with, it's almost exquisite. But with the multiple projections of people, forced stories, certain limitations, it becomes the ultimate chore.
My ideal film would be light, lightweight. Like a fluffy pastry, something that isn't saturated with fat or overly processed. Like a perfect cream puff. Organic, like my first film. I've been going back to my love for the sun, not the HMI. My love for an organic movement, not for a degree rule. And I think it's perfect that way.
---
Filmless part of entry now.
I've also been thinking about my own perception of myself. And others' perception of me. And the journey this sort of self-awareness has taken throughout my life.
In my preteens, I was insanely concerned with what others thought of me, perhaps I still am, but well I guess it was more pertinent back then. And then around my mid-teens, I could care less. I say that with a pinch of salt because I don't believe you can really stop caring what people think, no matter who you are.
And then comes the coming of freakin' age rightio? Well then now, I think we've come to that age where we're almost more certain of who we are and you can either like it or you don't. I don't think I pay attention much now, but we all wear the clothes we picked, and act the way you act.
I do hope that people actually consider that there is more to a person than make-up but it's hard when you're slathered in it. But therin, I have enjoyed being a kinder surprise, though I'm not sure if sneaking in my personality may be the best bet in all kinds of unGodly ways, but it's rather fun.
---
Perceptionless part of entry now. (?)
I think it also stems from my wish to be able to think the way I did when I was 19. That was a beautiful and ugly time for me. But I couldn't have wrote better, couldn't have felt more inspired.
I was reading a postsecret card the other day about how an individual admires depressed artists because they have a muse. And someone responded about how they were just that, searching for happiness, and when they did, lost their muse and wished for it back. Now that, that hit the spot.
Happiness can be strangely uninspiring, which is very depressing! And that's where I want to challenge myself to channel it into a great inspiration, but it's harder. And I do question why it is harder. Because it shouldn't be.
I mean I can't possible go back to dropping 5 kilos and running all day just so I can take a photograph that is less shiteous than the ones I take now, can I.
Plus, there is such beauty in happiness. I think that few know how to tap into it and I am inspired by those who do.
I retreated to a whole lot of sleeping as a result. Snoozing away mundanity which sounds so strange because technically sleeping is mundane to an extent. Then the need for actually seeing my friends and having a life occurred, so that's normal. But thinking back to the bit where I was like practically mummified... it was a chance for me to think about things, and sleep is really what gets me inspired nowadays.
Not a boy, not flashing lights or youth, but sleep. Maybe because then, my brain can actually function.
It gave me time to think about my un-aspiration to be a filmmaker. And I realize, I need to somewhat erase what the industry is in order for me to feel passionate about film. When film stands alone, the way I want to shoot it, with the people I want to shoot it with, it's almost exquisite. But with the multiple projections of people, forced stories, certain limitations, it becomes the ultimate chore.
My ideal film would be light, lightweight. Like a fluffy pastry, something that isn't saturated with fat or overly processed. Like a perfect cream puff. Organic, like my first film. I've been going back to my love for the sun, not the HMI. My love for an organic movement, not for a degree rule. And I think it's perfect that way.
---
Filmless part of entry now.
I've also been thinking about my own perception of myself. And others' perception of me. And the journey this sort of self-awareness has taken throughout my life.
In my preteens, I was insanely concerned with what others thought of me, perhaps I still am, but well I guess it was more pertinent back then. And then around my mid-teens, I could care less. I say that with a pinch of salt because I don't believe you can really stop caring what people think, no matter who you are.
And then comes the coming of freakin' age rightio? Well then now, I think we've come to that age where we're almost more certain of who we are and you can either like it or you don't. I don't think I pay attention much now, but we all wear the clothes we picked, and act the way you act.
I do hope that people actually consider that there is more to a person than make-up but it's hard when you're slathered in it. But therin, I have enjoyed being a kinder surprise, though I'm not sure if sneaking in my personality may be the best bet in all kinds of unGodly ways, but it's rather fun.
---
Perceptionless part of entry now. (?)
I think it also stems from my wish to be able to think the way I did when I was 19. That was a beautiful and ugly time for me. But I couldn't have wrote better, couldn't have felt more inspired.
I was reading a postsecret card the other day about how an individual admires depressed artists because they have a muse. And someone responded about how they were just that, searching for happiness, and when they did, lost their muse and wished for it back. Now that, that hit the spot.
Happiness can be strangely uninspiring, which is very depressing! And that's where I want to challenge myself to channel it into a great inspiration, but it's harder. And I do question why it is harder. Because it shouldn't be.
I mean I can't possible go back to dropping 5 kilos and running all day just so I can take a photograph that is less shiteous than the ones I take now, can I.
Plus, there is such beauty in happiness. I think that few know how to tap into it and I am inspired by those who do.