If nothing is accomplished...just know I am sorry
Wow haven't updated in awhile but I have a few things that I have to get off my mind so here it goes...
There are some things in life that I as a person just don’t understand. One unparticular comes to mind very quickly...that is friends. One day everything is fine, you have a lot of friends and a boyfriend that even though you have been only going out for about a month you have fallen in love with him and don’t want to do anything to hurt him. And you try your hardest and give it all you have not to. Because you know he’s not like the rest of the guys that you have had, there is something special about him that you just don’t realize at the time. But you will shortly after. But back to the friends thing now. I have been told may of times that I am a bad person, or a bad friend in that sense, and as much as I try not to be something always happens that I turn out to be the bad person.
Like take this for example one of my best friends or she was, went to North Carolina for about a month and while she was down there I hung out with her ex-boyfriend who she is still in love with to this day. And I ended up making out with him, and I regret every moment of it. See you don’t really see what will happen in the future, and if I was a true friend I wouldn’t have done that to someone I think so highly of. And of course when she came back I got it from her, and we tried to work things out. She said she never would trust me again, and I understand that because if anyone were to do that with someone I was in love with I probably would never talk to them again. And to be truthful with you I think that's what she is trying to do. But I just want to let her know that I am truly sorry for everything that I have done to make her flip out and do the things she did last night to me, although I somewhat deserved it I think....it was just the meanest thing that she has ever done to me, and maybe in time she will realize what she did to me last night just like I am only now realizing what I have done to hurt her maybe just as much as she has hurt me. So maybe now we are even I don't know, I would just really like to sit down with just her and get everything off my chest and have her get everything off of hers so that maybe things will start going better, I don't know if they will but I am hoping. But I just think right now after what happened last night we both need a few days to really cool off and think about things before we talk to each other. But I don't think that I will get over it anytime soon, and now I understand where she is coming from too. In the sense of not getting over this kind of stuff anytime soon. And your probably wondering why....its because what she did hurt me so much in the emotional sense of things that every time I think about it I break down crying. I mean when she is mad at someone or doesn’t like someone she will really make them feel like shit and I think at one point in our lives everyone will have that power, but when she gets mad at you or doesn’t like you everyone else there does the same thing. Like follows her, because she has that power on people, and I don’t know what her secret is but i would really like to know it. But anyways she was one of my best friends before all this happened and I really don't know what to do because I could trust her with everything, and if i had a problem she would be right there for me listening and giving advise. And I miss that, because knowing that i betrayed her and knowing that nothing will ever be the same again...that hurts me really bad, because I know that I will not find another friend like her. And I really want to try and make things right between us again, and I know that will take awhile because she needs to be able to trust me again...But I think I will wait for as long as it takes because she has always been there for me and she is one friend that I do not want to lose no matter what.
I don’t even know if this makes sense to you reading it but comment if you would like....?
There are some things in life that I as a person just don’t understand. One unparticular comes to mind very quickly...that is friends. One day everything is fine, you have a lot of friends and a boyfriend that even though you have been only going out for about a month you have fallen in love with him and don’t want to do anything to hurt him. And you try your hardest and give it all you have not to. Because you know he’s not like the rest of the guys that you have had, there is something special about him that you just don’t realize at the time. But you will shortly after. But back to the friends thing now. I have been told may of times that I am a bad person, or a bad friend in that sense, and as much as I try not to be something always happens that I turn out to be the bad person.
Like take this for example one of my best friends or she was, went to North Carolina for about a month and while she was down there I hung out with her ex-boyfriend who she is still in love with to this day. And I ended up making out with him, and I regret every moment of it. See you don’t really see what will happen in the future, and if I was a true friend I wouldn’t have done that to someone I think so highly of. And of course when she came back I got it from her, and we tried to work things out. She said she never would trust me again, and I understand that because if anyone were to do that with someone I was in love with I probably would never talk to them again. And to be truthful with you I think that's what she is trying to do. But I just want to let her know that I am truly sorry for everything that I have done to make her flip out and do the things she did last night to me, although I somewhat deserved it I think....it was just the meanest thing that she has ever done to me, and maybe in time she will realize what she did to me last night just like I am only now realizing what I have done to hurt her maybe just as much as she has hurt me. So maybe now we are even I don't know, I would just really like to sit down with just her and get everything off my chest and have her get everything off of hers so that maybe things will start going better, I don't know if they will but I am hoping. But I just think right now after what happened last night we both need a few days to really cool off and think about things before we talk to each other. But I don't think that I will get over it anytime soon, and now I understand where she is coming from too. In the sense of not getting over this kind of stuff anytime soon. And your probably wondering why....its because what she did hurt me so much in the emotional sense of things that every time I think about it I break down crying. I mean when she is mad at someone or doesn’t like someone she will really make them feel like shit and I think at one point in our lives everyone will have that power, but when she gets mad at you or doesn’t like you everyone else there does the same thing. Like follows her, because she has that power on people, and I don’t know what her secret is but i would really like to know it. But anyways she was one of my best friends before all this happened and I really don't know what to do because I could trust her with everything, and if i had a problem she would be right there for me listening and giving advise. And I miss that, because knowing that i betrayed her and knowing that nothing will ever be the same again...that hurts me really bad, because I know that I will not find another friend like her. And I really want to try and make things right between us again, and I know that will take awhile because she needs to be able to trust me again...But I think I will wait for as long as it takes because she has always been there for me and she is one friend that I do not want to lose no matter what.
I don’t even know if this makes sense to you reading it but comment if you would like....?