(no subject)
Talk about a confusing dream. Sometime during the night I woke up and thought I had overslept, checked the clock and it was still early in the morning. Later I dreamed that I woke up, checked the clock, and close enough to time to get up to go ahead and get up, so I did. Then later I wake up again, check the clock, and I had forgotten to reset it for early enough to do PT. So I did oversleep, a little bit.
I wake up fully and not only can I remember that one clearly, but I can remember another one clearly, a disturbing one, and realize it's why I woke up the first time. I have a fixation on castration, partly a sexual fascination and partly a guilt thing. And I've found out that it's not that uncommon amoung men in general and espically cuckolds. In a fuzzy part that either wasn't covered in the dream or I don't remember, both of my testicals are outside of my scrotum. Then the cord connecting one to my body is cut (oddly enough, there was no pain) and I'm ordered to put it in a vise and crush it. Which I gladly do without any problem, and not only do I crush it but when I'm done, it's completely disappeared. Then somehow or another the other one, which was never cut off or seperated, is put back into my ball sack and I'm left with a feeling that I've earned the right to keep that one. What woke me up from this is the incredible feeling of how real it all was. Real to the point I thought 'how in the hell will I explain this to a military doctor the next time I get a hernia check?' I'm sure a psychologist would have a feild day with it all.
But there is a positive counter to it all, for even though I don't remember it I know I dreamed of my daughter. Her laughter is in my ears so strongly, and her face, bright and glowing with energy when she's wound up and excited and wants to play. Which is pretty much any time that I'm around. Impossible to be in a bad mood with that in my head.
I wake up fully and not only can I remember that one clearly, but I can remember another one clearly, a disturbing one, and realize it's why I woke up the first time. I have a fixation on castration, partly a sexual fascination and partly a guilt thing. And I've found out that it's not that uncommon amoung men in general and espically cuckolds. In a fuzzy part that either wasn't covered in the dream or I don't remember, both of my testicals are outside of my scrotum. Then the cord connecting one to my body is cut (oddly enough, there was no pain) and I'm ordered to put it in a vise and crush it. Which I gladly do without any problem, and not only do I crush it but when I'm done, it's completely disappeared. Then somehow or another the other one, which was never cut off or seperated, is put back into my ball sack and I'm left with a feeling that I've earned the right to keep that one. What woke me up from this is the incredible feeling of how real it all was. Real to the point I thought 'how in the hell will I explain this to a military doctor the next time I get a hernia check?' I'm sure a psychologist would have a feild day with it all.
But there is a positive counter to it all, for even though I don't remember it I know I dreamed of my daughter. Her laughter is in my ears so strongly, and her face, bright and glowing with energy when she's wound up and excited and wants to play. Which is pretty much any time that I'm around. Impossible to be in a bad mood with that in my head.