(no subject)

[ovariescanbefun]

So the last couple of days have been extremely rough. Its weird to have so many different people depending on you and all of them are depending on you for different things. I've been so stressed with things. Especially now that I feel like my body is giving up on me. I'm 20 and I've been to the doctors more times then anyone I know this past year. And not for sick reasons but instead things not working correctly. It's hard because my head hasn't given up yet and its trying so hard to motivate the rest of me to do what needs to get done. But what with my knees hurting, migranes and now these chest pains, it gets really hard to push myself. It sorta scares the shit out of me to be honest. Last night, sitting in the ER, I really didn't have a clue what to do. It felt like the inside of my chest was being squeezed so tightly, my vision was blurred, and my entire body felt like it was just giving up. Don't worry though. I'm fine. Pretty much everything is okay as far as the Doctor is concerend. Though truth be told he doesn't really know what to think of it and blamed it on the excessive sun I got the last couple of days. They took an EKG and it came out good. Blood pressue is a little low but that doesn't really explain much. Hopefully the quitting smoking completely will help with everything. I promised a friend of mine that I would do it for him. And now I just have another reason. You know, not dying. I think its going to be harder to quit then last time though. I really love smoking. But we'll see.
I believe in myself. I know I can make it through this year. And I know other people really believe in me too. Which helps a lot.
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