How many seas must a white dove sail, before she sleeps in the sand?
So its official now.
My mom and I have to sell our house. She is going to call our real estate agent within the next few days. My mind is refusing to let me accept this, so sooner or later I'm going to wake up in tears realizing that all of this hard work was for nothing. To realize that there was never any chance that my mom and I could live peaceful lives without worrying about money. To realize that there is no where for us to go.
All of my existence has been struggling to
make ends meet
fight the pain
get along
accept it
block the memories
understand
My family has never helped my mom or I with anything. Even when my dad treated my mom like she was stupid and verbally abused her. They didnt stop him. Even when we escaped to my grandparent's house running away from my abusive ex stepfather. I ran into my uncle's arms crying hysterically on the night Bill tried to physically hurt me and was met with a blank face that didnt understand. A face that I wanted to slap so hard. I want to scream at my family and tell them what idiots they are. Tell them that I have friends that are more of a family than they have ever been.
When I have a problem, more WILL follow. It's the only gaurantee I have. And lo and behold, it is happening again. One after the other. There is nothing I can do.
I can't believe this. And it's not a wonder that I'm an emotional rollercoaster; no part of my life has ever been stable. For once in my life I would like some peace. I would like my mom to come home happy and not crying. I would like to have a place to live that has no plumbing problems. I would like to have a washer and dryer. I would like for me to not worry about everything. I would like to transfer to another college and have the motivation to do it. I would like to hurry up and get my period. I would like to go somewhere else. I would like to be well-rested.
Please God, I just want everything to be peaceful.
I just want everything to be okay.
My mom and I have to sell our house. She is going to call our real estate agent within the next few days. My mind is refusing to let me accept this, so sooner or later I'm going to wake up in tears realizing that all of this hard work was for nothing. To realize that there was never any chance that my mom and I could live peaceful lives without worrying about money. To realize that there is no where for us to go.
All of my existence has been struggling to
make ends meet
fight the pain
get along
accept it
block the memories
understand
My family has never helped my mom or I with anything. Even when my dad treated my mom like she was stupid and verbally abused her. They didnt stop him. Even when we escaped to my grandparent's house running away from my abusive ex stepfather. I ran into my uncle's arms crying hysterically on the night Bill tried to physically hurt me and was met with a blank face that didnt understand. A face that I wanted to slap so hard. I want to scream at my family and tell them what idiots they are. Tell them that I have friends that are more of a family than they have ever been.
When I have a problem, more WILL follow. It's the only gaurantee I have. And lo and behold, it is happening again. One after the other. There is nothing I can do.
I can't believe this. And it's not a wonder that I'm an emotional rollercoaster; no part of my life has ever been stable. For once in my life I would like some peace. I would like my mom to come home happy and not crying. I would like to have a place to live that has no plumbing problems. I would like to have a washer and dryer. I would like for me to not worry about everything. I would like to transfer to another college and have the motivation to do it. I would like to hurry up and get my period. I would like to go somewhere else. I would like to be well-rested.
Please God, I just want everything to be peaceful.
I just want everything to be okay.