Are they swinging this thing in front of your face?

[intendedcomedy]

There is a man who's just run into the Inn. He is a writer from Hollywood, he had back surgery (L-5 S-1, if that means anything) three days ago, and he's high as a paper kite on Vicodin and Percoset. He just won a Writer's Guild award for a screenplay he wrote, and he looks rather pissed

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[smithnjones]

Martha raises an eyebrow at the entrance and the subsequent yelling.

"Sorry. I'm not your Danny." She stands from the table she's been at and smiles. "You're not going to believe me, but you're in the Inn. Between worlds and times. Not anywhere near... Studio 60, was it? Or any other place you're familiar with, most likely."

[intendedcomedy]

Matt stares at her for a moment, a bit dazed. And not entirely unappreciative of Martha's good looks. In fact he's probably going to try, in his awkward way, to flirt with her at some point. He probably won't do very well.

"I'm in an Inn between worlds and times. And I've got a gorgeous English tour guide." He ponders this for a moment. "These are some really good painkillers!"

[smithnjones]

More eyebrow raising at the gorgeous comment.

"It's not the meds, but... believe what you'd like." She points a slender, polished fingernail at herself. "Not a tour guide though. Can't have you believing that."

It's kind of amusing. Americans.

Martha fixes him with a look, noting the dazed expression. "What kind of pain medication? Are you sure you should be... up?"

[intendedcomedy]

"Vicodin," he says, scratching the back of his head. "And Percoset. I had back surgery on Tuesday, and my pain medications make me... not know where chairs are."

And, amusingly enough, he can't remember why he thinks that.

[smithnjones]

Martha blinks and sighs, slightly, exasperated. Are all men really this idiotic?

"Yeah, all right." She walks over to him and places a hand on his arm. "You're sitting down before you harm yourself. There's a chair right here." Martha smiles, still amused, despite the exasperation. "You might not know it's there, but... you'll just have to trust me."

[intendedcomedy]

Matt looks at the chair, then back up to Martha, and repeats the motion a couple of times.

"I can see where the chair is."

[smithnjones]

"Good." Martha is trying not to laugh. She's trying really hard. "Now lets see if we can get you to sit in it, right then?"

[intendedcomedy]

"I can sit in a chair," Matt protests. "I can very easily sit in a chair. It's a chair, you sit in it, and it's not at all difficult!" He turns and sits.

And falls flat on his ass, having missed the chair by about six inches.

"Well," he says mildly, flopped back on his back. "That... didn't go as smoothly as I'd planned."

[smithnjones]

Martha gasps and covers her mouth, but it doesn't quite hide her laughter. It's really, really amusing and kind of adorable in a drug-induced sort of way.

She kneels down beside him, still smiling, helplessly. "Can't say I didn't try." Martha tilts her head to the left. "You all right?"

[intendedcomedy]

"Oh, I'm fine," he says as he tries to get up. "I'm on a lot of painkillers, it kind of numbs the pain. My ego's got a decent bruising, but I'm pretty used to that by now. Anyway, I like making pretty girls laugh, so I think it's a win-win situation for both of us in the end."

[smithnjones]

Martha just smiles, shaking her head at him.

"C'mon, then, I've got you." And she has one hand on his arm and the other against his back. "Nice and... slow, all right?"

If he falls again, he'll be taking her down with him. So she's rather hoping that he's got enough senses to stay balanced. "Directly to the chair. Rather not risk you injuring yourself any further."

[intendedcomedy]

"I'm not injured," he protests, but gratefully accepts the assistance. "I just had back surgery. Realigning something. I think. Anyway, the point is, I'm not injured. I'm perfectly fine. I can do leg lifts with thirty pound weights!"

He's trying to seem... suave. Or something.

"Have I mentioned I'm a writer?"

[smithnjones]

All right, he's got Martha laughing again.

"Really? Leg lifts you say... Never would've guessed it."

She's humoring him at this point.

"No, you haven't. Didn't exactly come up between the Vicodin and the Percoset. What kind of writer? Wait. Don't answer that yet." Martha nods her head at the chair. "Into the chair, first."

[intendedcomedy]

"I'm in the chair, I'm in the chair!" And lo, he is in the chair. "I'm the head writer and executive producer of a comedy sketch show called Studio 60, I've written critically-acclaimed movie screenplays, won a Writer's Guild award, and even wrote a couple of well-received off-off-Broadway plays."

This is Matt's attempt at flirting. Isn't it adorable?

[smithnjones]

"Hurrah!" is all that Martha manages before he goes into his little tirade of just what kind of a writer he is.

She face palms... a little, and when he finishes she looks up at him with an amused, if not exasperated expression. "Next time I'll be sure to ask for the long version." Oh, blessed sarcasm.

[intendedcomedy]

"Okay," Matt says sincerely, nodding agreement. "But make sure you're sitting for that."

Beat.

"Wait, that was sarcasm, wasn't it?"