Without you... (plus mood-music-video-thing Tribute to Ben)

[sensi_doctor]

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JD is in a dark corner of the Inn lobby. It's not clear how long he's been there. 15 minutes... a few hours. He's wearing scrubs. Hell, he still has medical gloves on

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[thteve]

Steve? Not exactly without worry about this.

And he doesn't even think about the fact that JD might not've talked to Ben yet, and might not know he's here, he just sits down, all earnest worry.

"What's wrong, what happened?"

Steve's afraid that something happened to April or the baby. Because it can't be Ben. Ben's... indestructible.

[sensi_doctor]

JD had talked to Ben, but not about the fact that Steve has come back to the Inn so he looks up from his drink and drops the shot glass right on the table, spilling it all out, but he doesn't even care.

"Steve? B- but how? I thought..." He's a little too emotionally overwhelmed to remember that the Inn defies questions like how and why. "I'd never see you... I-" Oh yes, alcohol everywhere and of course that's the thing that's going to bring tears to his eyes. "Shit."

[thteve]

Steve doesn't normally like to think things clean, 'cause it seems so silly to him, but this time he does. "Hey, don't worry, it's all clean now, see?" He gives a half-hearted sheepish smile. "Sorry, guess Ben didn't show you the picture, huh?"

[sensi_doctor]

And of course, the mention of Ben's name makes a few tears spill, which he wipes at desperately.

JD turns from Steve and bites down, hard, on his bottom lip to try to gain some semblance of control. Long enough to explain, at least.

"Uhm, Steve..." God, it's so fucking hard. He shudders and grips the table edge. "Steve, Ben died. Earlier to- today."

[thteve]

Steve sucks in a sharp breath, closes his eyes against sudden tears. Even if it wasn't expected, even if he'd almost forgotten that Ben could come out of remission...

Steve's far far far too used to hearing that someone he'd cared about had died unexpectedly. And that in and of itself is almost painful.

"How?" he asks finally.

[sensi_doctor]

"The leukemia came back.. must've been back for a while, but he never got it checked. and I never thought to make sure he did, I just-" JD shakes his head, still remarkably calm, other than the high pitched waver in his voice. "Went into finally get the tests done. Dr. Cox's orders. And he went into cardiac arrest twenty minutes later. I tried..."

That's an understatement.

Turk had to drag him away.

[thteve]

Steve nods, and rubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, I know. Wouldn't expect anything less from you." He manages a tight smile, and laughs humorlessly. "God, you know you've seen too many deaths of friends when your best friend dying doesn't come as a huge shock."

Sorry, JD, he's a little... well, bitter, in a Steveish way.

[sensi_doctor]

Sorry. JD has no idea how to respond... to most anything at this point. Things that normally would come as surprising like the sound of a bitter!Steve just... don't phase him at this point. Nothing does.

"Yeah." Is the best he can come up with, and it's quiet and strained. "Sorry..."

[thteve]

"It's okay." Steve softens instantly and reaches out to grab JD's hand. "Sorry, I... can I do anything for you?"

He knows how much it hurts. He really does.

[sensi_doctor]

"What?" JD blinks at the hand... for some reason it confuses him. Everything's taking a little longer to process.

He shakes his head when the question's finally settled in his brain. JD runs his free hand over his face. "No. Uhm, I don't think so. Thanks. I've got to go back and tell everyone else. Figure out whoever the hell knows... knew him here. Let them know. Y'know. Typical doctor responsibility... type... stuff."

[thteve]

"Let me do some of the telling," Steve says firmly. "I can find some people and tell them. You just... deal with home right now. Okay?"

Steve is going to help, dammit.

[sensi_doctor]

"Oh. Okay." JD looks up, meets his eyes for the first time since Steve's sat down. "Thanks."

But dealing with home isn't something he's quite up to yet.

It means having to go home and just... exist. Unless April's home. That'd be nice. Otherwise, just wait until Dr. Cox decides he's fit to practice medicine again.

[thteve]

"No problem." Steve smiles sadly. "You've helped me a lot. Time to return the favor a bit."

He hesitates for a moment. "When... when you go back, can I... I'd like to go to the funeral. If I can."

And go to a church (Catholic, of course) and light a candle. Say a rosary. Go to confession. Take a moment when the church is empty to sing a hymn, let his voice echo off the walls. It may get him kicked out, but it doesn't matter. It's something he just... has to do.

[sensi_doctor]

JD nods, pressing his hand against the table.

Funeral.

He hadn't even thought about that yet.

He wonders if he can get Dr. Cox to go. Even with Dr. Cox being mad at him. He needs to be there, but he won't want to.

"Yeah. Course you can go."

Inn field trip to California. What?

[thteve]

Steve, sadly, thought of it almost the moment he heard the news. It's part of his life.

He wonders, for a split second, if Sue made sure he got a proper Catholic funeral. If anyone came.

Silly boy should know that it was actually rather packed. That many people cared about him, had been touched by him, were sad to see him slip away.

"If his family needs any advice on how to deal with the legal stuff... I mean, I can't actually represent or anything, I haven't taken the Bar in your world, but..."

[sensi_doctor]

"Oh, right." JD manages a ghost of a smile. It's nearly better than the out of it look he's carried for the last hour or so. "I'll... let the less scary ones know..."

The realquestion is which of the Sullivans is the least scary. Now that Ben's gone. It seems to be quite the competition.