hahahahaha..........
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t
let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy
godmother
appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she
needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What’s the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will
turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes
and goes, and Cinderella doesn’t show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m.
Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm
was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
power! Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can’t remember, exactly, .. Peter, Peter,
something or other..." ______________________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
through town and asked him, "How’s the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
_____________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly
the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to
her throat, said, "Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No, you’re not. You’re going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
_____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge
said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s f**king
Goofy."
________________________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
_____________________________________________________
One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to
him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he
engaged to have sex. "What’s that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in
the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show
you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on
the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in
here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.
let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy
godmother
appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she
needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.
"What’s the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will
turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes
and goes, and Cinderella doesn’t show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m.
Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm
was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
power! Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can’t remember, exactly, .. Peter, Peter,
something or other..." ______________________________________________________
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
through town and asked him, "How’s the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
_____________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly
the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to
her throat, said, "Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No, you’re not. You’re going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
_____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge
said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s f**king
Goofy."
________________________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
_____________________________________________________
One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to
him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he
engaged to have sex. "What’s that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in
the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show
you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on
the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in
here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.