Dread
The feeling of dread is upon me and there is pain that has settled around my soul. I feel death is around the corner awaiting and seeking me out. I see shadows and I jump, and I hear foot steps and I speed up. Every car that passes by is after me. With death lingering around my paranoid delusions are on the rise leaving a whirlwind of emotions which change without warning, and leaves darkened inadequency tugging at my inner self. It's always calm before a storm. and there is a storm brewing inside me. I can feel it collecting power and giving me monsterous thoughts.
I have always dreamed of internal peace and I have yet to reach that goal. Instead nothingness is a feeling that swarms over me every day, and is so overwhelming at times it's painfull to even move, because if I move then that means that I am still alive. I fight a war within myself the battlefields are between my mind and soul. In this war the blood shed is from intolerable self disappointment which is constantly nagging at me. I have a hungry demon eating away at my flesh, and the daily hauntings start the moment my eyelids raise and in all realness they never end, because they follow me into my dreams. What is left for me am I doomed forever in this eternal hell? Is there no safety?
I walk the streets alone hiding in my solitude feeling as though I am stumbling through this life with no cause and no where to go. I have done nothing productive with my life or left my mark anywhere. I am at a turning point in my life where it's do or die. There is absolutly nothing to be lost at the ending of my life. This cloak of darkness is wrapped around me like a warm blanket and if it were to be removed I would be internally chilled. I have backed myself in this corner and now I am a trapped animal with no where to run. I can't even camoflague this blackness it has devoured my mind, body, and soul.
Death has now been unleashed to taunt me and it will until the life falls off my bones. I can feel death with it's gravity pulling and fighting with all it's strength trying to drag me under and nothing can stop me from burning in hell. I load the gun, and pick up the blades, and untangle the ropes. Some how some way I will surrender to this pure evilness that has over come my life.
I have always dreamed of internal peace and I have yet to reach that goal. Instead nothingness is a feeling that swarms over me every day, and is so overwhelming at times it's painfull to even move, because if I move then that means that I am still alive. I fight a war within myself the battlefields are between my mind and soul. In this war the blood shed is from intolerable self disappointment which is constantly nagging at me. I have a hungry demon eating away at my flesh, and the daily hauntings start the moment my eyelids raise and in all realness they never end, because they follow me into my dreams. What is left for me am I doomed forever in this eternal hell? Is there no safety?
I walk the streets alone hiding in my solitude feeling as though I am stumbling through this life with no cause and no where to go. I have done nothing productive with my life or left my mark anywhere. I am at a turning point in my life where it's do or die. There is absolutly nothing to be lost at the ending of my life. This cloak of darkness is wrapped around me like a warm blanket and if it were to be removed I would be internally chilled. I have backed myself in this corner and now I am a trapped animal with no where to run. I can't even camoflague this blackness it has devoured my mind, body, and soul.
Death has now been unleashed to taunt me and it will until the life falls off my bones. I can feel death with it's gravity pulling and fighting with all it's strength trying to drag me under and nothing can stop me from burning in hell. I load the gun, and pick up the blades, and untangle the ropes. Some how some way I will surrender to this pure evilness that has over come my life.