I'm goin so fast that I can't slow down
I think I might have ADD.
Or a severe case of being plainly overwhelmed.
I can't focus on anything today, and nothing is helping.
It's even at the point that I find it hard for even my eyes to focus.
I've got a paper to write.
I've got tests to study for.
I've got a group presentation on Lord-knows-what to do.
It's all school that's overwhelming, and the silver lining is that it will be done in 2 1/2 weeks.
But I can't wait that long.
I know I'm not failing, but my complete lack of motivation makes me feel otherwise.
I had my priorities completely backwards the first few months of this semester...
and now I'm paying for it.
and he won't just quit and leave me alone.
All I ask is for a couple weeks of sanity. That's it. The decisions I make today, the work I do today, the effort I put in, the outlook I have now will be reflected in the rest of my life.
I didn't give up on him.
I just didn't like him all that much.
Why is that so hard for me to say?
No, I know. It's because I spent 4 months trying to convince myself otherwise...
for his benefit mainly.
But now I'm the selfish one.
I've had longer relationships.
Some just a few months longer.
One a year.
Why is this the one that just won't drop it?
I've tried to live my life basically following a line from a song in RENT...
... Forget regret. Or life is yours to miss.
I've said that instead of regretting the past, learn from it. Nothing is going to change if you dwell solely on the act of making the mistake.
There's a flaw in my logic now.
Though it has worked very well in the past, this time I've learned my lesson, but my mind is not at ease. This may well be my first real regret.
Is it selfish for me to want to succeed in life by myself?
I've written out exactly whats on my mind, but it's still a mess.
I really am working hard.
I am.
I don't want to disappoint my family.
I don't want to disappoint my friends.
I don't want to disappoint my coworkers.
I don't want to disappoint my peers.
I don't want to disappoint anyone who depends on me.
I don't want to disappoint myself.
I don't think there's a choice this year though.
What on earth can you do in that situation?
I know I can pray.
and I do. Hard.
Sometimes it's entirely to difficult for me to handle though.
Hard to trust completely in something you can't see.
Especially when you know that you can't just sit back and watch the world happen.
Sometimes I wish I could though.
Maybe I'll become good friends with an engineering major.
They'll create a way for me to press pause on my life.
I'll push play again once the rest of the world is working in my favor.
I need a vacation.
Or a severe case of being plainly overwhelmed.
I can't focus on anything today, and nothing is helping.
It's even at the point that I find it hard for even my eyes to focus.
I've got a paper to write.
I've got tests to study for.
I've got a group presentation on Lord-knows-what to do.
It's all school that's overwhelming, and the silver lining is that it will be done in 2 1/2 weeks.
But I can't wait that long.
I know I'm not failing, but my complete lack of motivation makes me feel otherwise.
I had my priorities completely backwards the first few months of this semester...
and now I'm paying for it.
and he won't just quit and leave me alone.
All I ask is for a couple weeks of sanity. That's it. The decisions I make today, the work I do today, the effort I put in, the outlook I have now will be reflected in the rest of my life.
I didn't give up on him.
I just didn't like him all that much.
Why is that so hard for me to say?
No, I know. It's because I spent 4 months trying to convince myself otherwise...
for his benefit mainly.
But now I'm the selfish one.
I've had longer relationships.
Some just a few months longer.
One a year.
Why is this the one that just won't drop it?
I've tried to live my life basically following a line from a song in RENT...
... Forget regret. Or life is yours to miss.
I've said that instead of regretting the past, learn from it. Nothing is going to change if you dwell solely on the act of making the mistake.
There's a flaw in my logic now.
Though it has worked very well in the past, this time I've learned my lesson, but my mind is not at ease. This may well be my first real regret.
Is it selfish for me to want to succeed in life by myself?
I've written out exactly whats on my mind, but it's still a mess.
I really am working hard.
I am.
I don't want to disappoint my family.
I don't want to disappoint my friends.
I don't want to disappoint my coworkers.
I don't want to disappoint my peers.
I don't want to disappoint anyone who depends on me.
I don't want to disappoint myself.
I don't think there's a choice this year though.
What on earth can you do in that situation?
I know I can pray.
and I do. Hard.
Sometimes it's entirely to difficult for me to handle though.
Hard to trust completely in something you can't see.
Especially when you know that you can't just sit back and watch the world happen.
Sometimes I wish I could though.
Maybe I'll become good friends with an engineering major.
They'll create a way for me to press pause on my life.
I'll push play again once the rest of the world is working in my favor.
I need a vacation.