how deep can you limbo?
Limbo - In Roman Catholic theology, "the edge of hell."
Limbo - A dance. Lean backwards and dance under a horizontal stick without touching it.
I see these two words and they mean the same thing to me. I am deep in limbo - on the edge of hell and stuck under a spell (stick) that I cannot touch or shake, or I'm out of the "game."
I've been focusing on my sobriety, on the last 112 days - finding out who I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going...In all of this, in all of these "steps" I'm supposed to take to reach "recovery" (whatever that means, because once an addict, always an addict...), I am still being called selfish. What is the point in bettering myself when all I'm getting is negative criticism? Part of me wants to spend the evening with the only man that gets me hot and bothered (Jack Daniels, if you were wondering...) and part of me wants to be a fighter and prove to myself and everyone else who thought I wouldn't and couldn't do this.
Do that oh so familiar stumble 2-step dance or be on the edge of one thing and another?
Seems like the same thing to me.
I need a sign. A gust of wind to blow me in some kind of direction, the right kind of direction.
I thought my job at Whole Foods was going to make me relapse, so I removed that from my life. Since working at the record store again, I have found myself angry, sad, distressed, depressed, and feeling the urge to grab a pint on my way home. It has nothing to do with my lifestyle. I am letting people get to me too much. People I may NEVER see again. For the rest of my life!
I'm unsettled and need to move, but I'm stuck here (again, play the limbo card) until September of next year. My feet want to move, but my heart wants to stay. You never know what you have until it's gone. You never know how being gone can change things. You can't change things unless you are determined to change them. It all starts here. There. Everywhere.
Today I changed my attitude. That's my first step. What's yours?
“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives”
-William James
Limbo - A dance. Lean backwards and dance under a horizontal stick without touching it.
I see these two words and they mean the same thing to me. I am deep in limbo - on the edge of hell and stuck under a spell (stick) that I cannot touch or shake, or I'm out of the "game."
I've been focusing on my sobriety, on the last 112 days - finding out who I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going...In all of this, in all of these "steps" I'm supposed to take to reach "recovery" (whatever that means, because once an addict, always an addict...), I am still being called selfish. What is the point in bettering myself when all I'm getting is negative criticism? Part of me wants to spend the evening with the only man that gets me hot and bothered (Jack Daniels, if you were wondering...) and part of me wants to be a fighter and prove to myself and everyone else who thought I wouldn't and couldn't do this.
Do that oh so familiar stumble 2-step dance or be on the edge of one thing and another?
Seems like the same thing to me.
I need a sign. A gust of wind to blow me in some kind of direction, the right kind of direction.
I thought my job at Whole Foods was going to make me relapse, so I removed that from my life. Since working at the record store again, I have found myself angry, sad, distressed, depressed, and feeling the urge to grab a pint on my way home. It has nothing to do with my lifestyle. I am letting people get to me too much. People I may NEVER see again. For the rest of my life!
I'm unsettled and need to move, but I'm stuck here (again, play the limbo card) until September of next year. My feet want to move, but my heart wants to stay. You never know what you have until it's gone. You never know how being gone can change things. You can't change things unless you are determined to change them. It all starts here. There. Everywhere.
Today I changed my attitude. That's my first step. What's yours?
“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives”
-William James