(no subject)
Who: Castiel
What: Keeping an appointment for someone else.
When: That’s not important.
Where: Neither is that.
Why: The Birthday Fic Hunt.
The following is a transcript of events that didn’t actually happen.
[camera rolls on an empty seat in the middle of an empty room]
Director: And… Action!
[silence]
Director: And… Action!
[longer silence.]
Director: For the love of f-fudge, will you get out there?
[a brief silence, and Castiel walks out in front of the camera. He stands there for a moment, then takes a seat in the chair.]
Castiel: [awkward pause]. … I do not understand what I’m doing here.
Director: You’re here because Winchester canceled on us. Twice. Just read off the cue cards, Castiel.
Castiel: [frowning] Why did Dean cancel?
Director: He said he had other obligations.
Castiel: [frown deepens] Dean is in his motel room watching a football game.
Director: …
Castiel: Though I suppose he would consider that an obligation. [pause] The large pieces of posterboard with the words on them are the cue cards?
Director:Y--… [sighs] Yes. Are you ready now?
Castiel: I think so.
Director: Excellent. So! Let’s try this again. And… Action!
Castiel: [frowns, staring at cue cards]
Director: He’s… He’s reading, isn’t he. That’s what he’s doing, he’s reading. He’s reading the cue car-Castiel!
Castiel: These are not very well written.
Director: This is what happens when we use Chuck instead of Castle. But that isn’t the point, alright? You read them out loud. Okay? Just--… Can we get Winchester here still? Maybe?
Production Assistant: Calls go straight to voicemail.
Castiel: Dear-
Director: Whoa, not yet!
Castiel: You said to read them out loud.
Director: One second. Okay? One second. [sighs] They don’t pay me enough. Now. Castiel. [overly pleasant] Look at the camera, and read off the cue cards. Out loud. If we’re lucky, we’ll only have to do this once. We want to make it good, right?
Castiel: You’re speaking to me like I’m a child.
Director: … I might be.
Castiel: I don’t appreciate it.
Director: Okay. I’m sorry. Can we get started now?
Castiel: [nods]
Director: Excellent. Okay. … Action!
Castiel: [glancing obviously between cue cards and camera] Dear Amy. It’s your birthday today, and-- [looks off camera] Wouldn’t she be aware of that?
Director: Can someone tell him this isn’t a Three Stooges sketch?
Castiel: [looks at Director like he’s the slow one] This is not a drawing.
Director: I’m begging you to just read the cards, alright? Read. The cards.
Castiel: [sighing] Fine. [returns to looking between camera and cards] Dear Amy. It’s your birthday today, and while it should mean celebrating, getting drunk, and… [looks off camera again] I would not tell her to do this.
Director: We wrote this for Dean.
Castiel: Then he should be reading this.
Director: Yes! He should be!
Castiel: … Should I leave?
Director: … No. Just… Just look into the camera, and say ‘Happy Birthday, Amy.’.
Castiel: [frowns, looks into camera] Happy Birthday, Amy.
Director: Smile!
Castiel: … [utterly awkward smile]
Director: Perfect. CUT!
End Transcript
What: Keeping an appointment for someone else.
When: That’s not important.
Where: Neither is that.
Why: The Birthday Fic Hunt.
The following is a transcript of events that didn’t actually happen.
[camera rolls on an empty seat in the middle of an empty room]
Director: And… Action!
[silence]
Director: And… Action!
[longer silence.]
Director: For the love of f-fudge, will you get out there?
[a brief silence, and Castiel walks out in front of the camera. He stands there for a moment, then takes a seat in the chair.]
Castiel: [awkward pause]. … I do not understand what I’m doing here.
Director: You’re here because Winchester canceled on us. Twice. Just read off the cue cards, Castiel.
Castiel: [frowning] Why did Dean cancel?
Director: He said he had other obligations.
Castiel: [frown deepens] Dean is in his motel room watching a football game.
Director: …
Castiel: Though I suppose he would consider that an obligation. [pause] The large pieces of posterboard with the words on them are the cue cards?
Director:Y--… [sighs] Yes. Are you ready now?
Castiel: I think so.
Director: Excellent. So! Let’s try this again. And… Action!
Castiel: [frowns, staring at cue cards]
Director: He’s… He’s reading, isn’t he. That’s what he’s doing, he’s reading. He’s reading the cue car-Castiel!
Castiel: These are not very well written.
Director: This is what happens when we use Chuck instead of Castle. But that isn’t the point, alright? You read them out loud. Okay? Just--… Can we get Winchester here still? Maybe?
Production Assistant: Calls go straight to voicemail.
Castiel: Dear-
Director: Whoa, not yet!
Castiel: You said to read them out loud.
Director: One second. Okay? One second. [sighs] They don’t pay me enough. Now. Castiel. [overly pleasant] Look at the camera, and read off the cue cards. Out loud. If we’re lucky, we’ll only have to do this once. We want to make it good, right?
Castiel: You’re speaking to me like I’m a child.
Director: … I might be.
Castiel: I don’t appreciate it.
Director: Okay. I’m sorry. Can we get started now?
Castiel: [nods]
Director: Excellent. Okay. … Action!
Castiel: [glancing obviously between cue cards and camera] Dear Amy. It’s your birthday today, and-- [looks off camera] Wouldn’t she be aware of that?
Director: Can someone tell him this isn’t a Three Stooges sketch?
Castiel: [looks at Director like he’s the slow one] This is not a drawing.
Director: I’m begging you to just read the cards, alright? Read. The cards.
Castiel: [sighing] Fine. [returns to looking between camera and cards] Dear Amy. It’s your birthday today, and while it should mean celebrating, getting drunk, and… [looks off camera again] I would not tell her to do this.
Director: We wrote this for Dean.
Castiel: Then he should be reading this.
Director: Yes! He should be!
Castiel: … Should I leave?
Director: … No. Just… Just look into the camera, and say ‘Happy Birthday, Amy.’.
Castiel: [frowns, looks into camera] Happy Birthday, Amy.
Director: Smile!
Castiel: … [utterly awkward smile]
Director: Perfect. CUT!
End Transcript