trust
sometimes i think i struggle with depression. other times i think i'm just living fully. i think that everything you hold dear is valuable because there is some tie to sadness within it. invisible threads of loss that keep it just out of fingertip's reach.
like you.
last night i was so scared to lose you that i cried in your arms while you were asleep. it was nothing you did. just a feeling creeping up on me saying that you will lose him. he will lose interest in you and you will be alone. why is it that when you tell me i love you i'll never let you go, i just don't believe it. is it pessimism or intuition? when i say it, i mean it and you believe me. why then can't i believe you? is it because of my natural distrust for people? just because you mean what you say doesn't mean you are incapable of changing your mind. i feel your disappointment and i feel you distancing yourself from me even as you say i'll never let you go. i don't ever want you to be with me because you are afraid of breaking my heart. don't pity me. just love me fiercly as i fight it. and i promise i will come out breathing easier. i need to know that you will love me till death. i can't just leap into your arms and give you all of my trust. you have my heart, but you have to earn my trust.
like you.
last night i was so scared to lose you that i cried in your arms while you were asleep. it was nothing you did. just a feeling creeping up on me saying that you will lose him. he will lose interest in you and you will be alone. why is it that when you tell me i love you i'll never let you go, i just don't believe it. is it pessimism or intuition? when i say it, i mean it and you believe me. why then can't i believe you? is it because of my natural distrust for people? just because you mean what you say doesn't mean you are incapable of changing your mind. i feel your disappointment and i feel you distancing yourself from me even as you say i'll never let you go. i don't ever want you to be with me because you are afraid of breaking my heart. don't pity me. just love me fiercly as i fight it. and i promise i will come out breathing easier. i need to know that you will love me till death. i can't just leap into your arms and give you all of my trust. you have my heart, but you have to earn my trust.