Please Read This.
It's only been a year,
but I had already forgotten why I hated my old friends
and didn't understand why my stomach turned knots
every time I flew home.
Every passing month, every passing day,
every breath and every second made it a little easier, a little less painful.
I counted down the days until I would leave the valley,
which i had nick named "purgatory" last summer.
I'm two weeks from returning there for an entire
three months and three days.
The only thing that had stopped me from wanting to leave was dating Dave, but we're not together now.
Sure, I have a fistful of friends, but I still have ties to the people who made me feel so bad,
that my mother wanted to put me on anti-depressants. my father wanted to ship me across the coast. my brother wanted to sucker punch each and every one of them. a family counselor suggested keeping me on suicide watch.
THIS is why you're not invited.
THIS is why I can't talk to you without being fake.
THIS is why I keep myself so busy all the time.
From my Myspace inbox. Sent to me and dozens of other people. The account was a fake hatespace..
all that's left of it, thankfully, is http://www.myspace.com/ihatejackiebrenner.
This was sent to Jackie, Enjoy. I'm sending it to everyone for fun.
FIRST OFF, you're picture is just about the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen in my entire life...HUGE NOSE coupled with a tacky bandana and the shit-eating smirk made famous by poedephiles. Then there it is! YOUR NAME proclaiming much of an obnoxious whore you are. Almost like you're proud of this. I know what you look like and I can assure you that the name "Jackie long legs" is NOT appropriate. A more suitable name would be "Jackie cellulite legs" has no one ever told you its probably a bad idea to wear short skirts???Dear jesus. I remember being at a party and you called someone to see what they were doing ( you probably knew they were at a party ). They told you they'd call you back. Said person asked if anyone liked Jackie (keep in mind these are your "CLOSEST" friends) everyone laughed and said no. You were not invited, you showed up anyway...You're not very smart, you pride yourself on being so but I promise you that is farr from the truth. I've had more engaging conversations with toast. LASTLY (I'm sure I've left lots out) people fuck you because you have [big]boobs, I've seen them...they're actually kinda crappy. If you were smart you would have figured out that most the peolple who've slept with you were either drunk or coked out of their minds(people who cry afterwards don't count). I decided to write all this because I'm sick of your annoying bitch-shit. Get a clue.
Then there were the responses. This was the awful part.
They even made a fake photobucket to upload these pictures.
If you're thinking "God, Jackie, why are you torturing yourself by reading/posting this shit?" The reason is because I CANNOT forgive them, get involved with them, or anything else. There have been numerous occasions over breaks and long weekends home I've found myself wanted to be friends with them again because people who weren't involved don't understand and want the tension gone. Hell, I WANT the tension gone. but as long as I have no apology or explanation for treating me so badly (this was one of MANY examples), I can't let myself get hurt again. I need to find another group of people. A fresh start, but a valley fresh start. I have my new beginning here and I've kept my nose out of trouble and reputation pretty clean. Can't I do the same at home?