Anger leads to hate...
I've been very angry lately.
Sort of a new thing for me really. I've had low points in my life before, and I've been sad, and depressed, and angsty, cerainly. But never this angry before.
It's not like a "everyone stay out of my way" anger either. It's deep sort of smoldering anger at the world that getting a job is so hard and what not. But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about two people who once were called friends and have since left us.
I don't know why I am so angry at them. This deep seething hatred of them. Not really hatred, I take that back. But this desire to make them understand that what they did was not behooving of their ever cherished Christian behavior. I want them to look outside themselves, ,to see the people the have ignored, the people they have hurt, and the people they have infuriated.
I want to tell them both off. One on one. Just let them have it at point blank range and don't let off until they're broken. Not until their hearts are heavy with guilt and shame and they weep at night.
But when I think about doing it, I don't think about it working. I think that they're continual ignoring of those they left behind will just turn into a shield. A shield of blame-shifting and "two way communication" and "it's your fault too". I don't want to hear that. That would just infuriate me more.
Their logic, of course, is logical but nott particularly powerful in this case. In this case, common social graces (i.e. Thank You Notes) were completely ignored, and thus severing communication. In their case time would be given to them to be alone, to get adjusted, and to let their new step of life get normalized. It would then be their continuing efforts to reinitiate conversation, if for nothing else but out of sense of gratittiude for the things Megan and I DID FOR THEM!!!!!!!
For them. No demand of payment, no demand of anything out of them merely because they were our friends and they didn't even so much as give a sincere thank you!!!!!!!
Yes....that is why I have anger at them. Because they used us. They abused our relationship for gain. For profit. That is why it is their fault. Because we gave, and gave, and gave some more and yet there was nothing given back. It was their turn to at least SAY SOMETHING WHEN THEY CAME TO TOWN AND THEY BLOODY WELL DIDN"T!!!!!!!!!!!
So that's why I'm angry at them. And i suppose it will just do me damage until it is resolved.
But until they have the common sense and courtsy to at least drop a line, that anger will build.
And if they wait too long, who knows what'll happen....
Sort of a new thing for me really. I've had low points in my life before, and I've been sad, and depressed, and angsty, cerainly. But never this angry before.
It's not like a "everyone stay out of my way" anger either. It's deep sort of smoldering anger at the world that getting a job is so hard and what not. But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about two people who once were called friends and have since left us.
I don't know why I am so angry at them. This deep seething hatred of them. Not really hatred, I take that back. But this desire to make them understand that what they did was not behooving of their ever cherished Christian behavior. I want them to look outside themselves, ,to see the people the have ignored, the people they have hurt, and the people they have infuriated.
I want to tell them both off. One on one. Just let them have it at point blank range and don't let off until they're broken. Not until their hearts are heavy with guilt and shame and they weep at night.
But when I think about doing it, I don't think about it working. I think that they're continual ignoring of those they left behind will just turn into a shield. A shield of blame-shifting and "two way communication" and "it's your fault too". I don't want to hear that. That would just infuriate me more.
Their logic, of course, is logical but nott particularly powerful in this case. In this case, common social graces (i.e. Thank You Notes) were completely ignored, and thus severing communication. In their case time would be given to them to be alone, to get adjusted, and to let their new step of life get normalized. It would then be their continuing efforts to reinitiate conversation, if for nothing else but out of sense of gratittiude for the things Megan and I DID FOR THEM!!!!!!!
For them. No demand of payment, no demand of anything out of them merely because they were our friends and they didn't even so much as give a sincere thank you!!!!!!!
Yes....that is why I have anger at them. Because they used us. They abused our relationship for gain. For profit. That is why it is their fault. Because we gave, and gave, and gave some more and yet there was nothing given back. It was their turn to at least SAY SOMETHING WHEN THEY CAME TO TOWN AND THEY BLOODY WELL DIDN"T!!!!!!!!!!!
So that's why I'm angry at them. And i suppose it will just do me damage until it is resolved.
But until they have the common sense and courtsy to at least drop a line, that anger will build.
And if they wait too long, who knows what'll happen....