No dogs, no lyin' bitch, no hassle
Yay for Jodie coming to see me! Her and Isaiah were looking for apartments in Atlanta, so we all had lunch together at Intermezzo. She got me Big Top Peewee on DVD for christmas! Thank you! She finally got to open her Family Guy seasons one and two and was delighted. So, for the first time ever with anyone, I talked to Jodie about my recent thoughts about taking testosterone. I wanted to talk to her about it before telling anyone else, but recently I have been increasingly unsatisfied about my female appearence. I can no longer convince myself that I can naturally change myself to "look like a boy". My mind is gradually maturing from a boy into a young man, where my body is not. As I grow older, guys no longer look like scrawny, boyish adolecents. Therefore making it frustratingly impossible to walk through my day without embarrassing complications that lead to insecurity. When I am in an accepting environment, surrounded my knowelegable people, this was never a problem. Now, I am not so in that space, but more in a place of reality and professionalism. A place where it is not so much revolutionary to be a boy who looks like a dyke and doesn't take T as much as it is uncomfortable. It is ridiculous that I would hold back my questions in class just so I wouldn't be called "ma'am" or "young lady", but it's like an unintentional slap in the face when it happens. To some, I may sound like a hypocrit, but I now know what it feels like to be uncomfortable in your own skin. I think it might be time for my body and mind to start matching who I see myself as. Please let me know your concerns or if you have any useful information on HRT.