third entry
A lot's happened since my last entry. I got to talk to Jess ALL evening yesterday, and I chatted w/ her online most of the morning today (a first, b/c her computer at home doesn't work well, and she was at her grandma's in Goodland). The bad part being; I didn't get to see her tonight :( . Tomorrow she has a driver's ed class until 3, then who knows if she can do anything? She said "I miss you" when she txtd me tonight :D . Now I'm not worried at all about whether she really likes me. It's amazing that something that simple and innocent made so much difference to me. I wonder what she see's in me...she's one of few girls ever to claim to see anything worthwhile. I guess I shouldn't question it, and just go w/ it. But I'm curious. She said her mom's angry at her for somethin, but she doesn't know what. I hope she can still go out, or hang out soon. She'll be at a wedding in the Springs on Sat. which means that we can't bring in the New Year together. I wouldn't call myself superstitious but I don't know if that's a 'bad omen' or what. Oh well. I'm still waitin for my Christmas gift from her. I told her what I REALLY wanted ;) but she seems pretty intent on buying me something. Even if she didn't care to give me what I really wanted, I'd be elated just to spend another day with her. It's getting more pathetic by the minute; It hurts to be away now; I literally feel a constant tug on my heart, that's pulling me in her direction (north-west). I wish I could describe it so you readers could understand. I find myself ready to break down as I type this. I wish she was hear; so I could hold her. I miss her steel-eyes. Thats my name for the color of her eyes. I spent two full days trying to decide what color they were, before I asked. "They're blue," she said, " and green, and a little tan." I came up with the new name "steel". They kind of looked 'silver' to me. And every time she smiles at me; they shine and glitter. If only I could see that now. The weirdest part of all of this, is that I didn't think of her like this when I first got to know her. But after I got to know her, I liked her a lot more. Somehow, I overlooked her beauty, charm, wit, and charisma at first. I regret only that I didn't see all of these sooner. Now, every minute I'm with her, I like her more. It's exponential too. The rate which I like her more has only been steadily increasing. I wish I could fix her Cinderella life. I don't know if she sees it as that, but I do. Her mom isn't fair to her. Her sister treats her like crap now-and-then. She gets stuck with most of the chores, and only gets to go out now and then. I wish mostly, that I could be with her more. I love most of all; when I can just hold her...I could spend endless hours doing nothing as long as she was there, holding me. I think next time she's over, I'm going to ask her to dance to our song "Rain" by Breaking Benjamin. The words don't really fit for a 'couple's song' but then, neither of us listened to anything other than the chorus 'rain, rain; go away; come again another day'. Still, it's an awesome song, that grows on me every time I hear it...just like the way I like her so much more ever time I'm with her. Also...it seems like being apart is making me appreciate her more, since I can think of nothing else. She's both my first and last thought of the day. All I can do is imagine our first kiss. Or the last time I saw her. We've been going out for 1 month, 2 weeks, 2 days now; I still remember exactly when we were 'officially' a couple. It was on the bus-ride home from Kent, for first round football playoffs. We kept poking one-another in the sides and ribs, then one time I stopped her poke by grabbing her finger. I held it for a minute, and she didn't try to take it back, so I took her hand, and she took mine. I knew then for sure that she was interested, so we agreed that we were a 'couple'. I hope the jewelry stuff I ordered comes in soon. I'd like to get it to Jessica before school starts again on the 5th. I wonder what girls REALLY want. What gift, or sign of affection they're always hoping for. Is it material, like jewelry, or truely a sign of affection, like taking their hands, or holding them, or huggin them, or *crosses fingers* kissing them. GOD; EVERYTHING IS BORING! All I can think of is her, and everything I try to do to pass the time until I can see or talk to her just bores me. Everything not pretaining to her seems futile, and pointless. Should it be this way? Is this good or bad? Perfect evening: she comes over and we mess around, get on the internet, listen to music, somethin, then we go to my room, and channel surf, then, I put on our song, and we dance, in my room, and I hold her close and she lays her head on my chest :D, and near the end of the song, I re-start it, and then during the second time, we kiss...and only stop when we realize the song is over. Geez re-reading this you'd think I was gay if it weren't for constant references to Jess. I guess that's what I get for being obsessed, concise, drawn-out, affectionate, and sophistated (or at least trying) all at the same time. G'night all...share your thoughts.