[FIC] Pandora's Box .59.
Title: Pandora's Box
Pairing: YunJae and more
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst. Drama. Romance.
Summary: There are many different forms of love. And this you are reading now, speaks a love of destruction.
A/N: WOOT PEOPLE! Miss me? LOL. Sorry, am feeling super excited now cos I just found my aim in life! How does me being a pyschotherapist sound to you?
Okay, end of randomness (just trying to share my joy of finally found THE direction in my life).
In the coming Aug 22, for those sweeties who have been with me for so shitting long all these years, is PB's 3rd Anniversary~! ♥
I know I am like a snail when updating in recent years..but please understand the mental stress this fic has on my fragile soul. XD
Let's pray for this fic to finish on Aug 22 itself ♥
Thank you so much if you're still waiting and anticipating and following this fic, here is the ..uh, second last chapter of their pathetic past =)
This chapter will be a tad boring, but I promise it will get better, especially the very last chapter *evil long laugh*
.59.
He must be in a dream.
To say it felt like a dream would be an overstatement. It felt like a part of him - the soul? The spirit? - was extracted out from the shelf of the body, hovered above in the midair, and watched.
He watched, as the body of Jung Yunho stayed vigilant by the bed, by the body of Kim Jaejoong.
He knew Jaejoong wasn't there in that flesh, and yet his beloved was there. Like a child building sandcastles all around him, Jaejoong imprisoned himself within the fragile yet sturdy walls. Because he was behind the walls of the sandcastles, and because sandcastles crumple when a tide comes, Jaejoong would soon be buried and lost.
From the moment he fell, Yunho knew that Jaejoong was waiting for that tide, and Yunho knew the tide of wave that would destroy the sandcastle goes by the name of Jung Yunho . . . The Yunho who had decided to treat the other man as a mere friend . . . no.
The Jung Yunho who had set on seeing Kim Jaejoong as a foe.
Nothing is ever simple black and white. There are always shades and shades of grey.
A part of Yunho wished for the eternal unconsciousness of the handsome beauty. If Jaejoong sleeps forever, Yunho would not be tempted again. And then everyone would be safe. Everyone, including his sanity.
However, a part of Yunho wished to shake Jaejoong out of his seemingly peaceful sleep. Or to awake him with a fairytale-like kiss. Yunho’s sanity might be saved for the time being while Jaejoong’s lids remained tightly shut, but Yunho knew his soul would wither and die, gradually.
But will he really remain sane if his beloved never held him in his pearl-like eyes ever again?
The familiar yet seemingly faraway dull ache pressed against his chest.
No, he couldn’t think further than this. He couldn’t.
When had he become such a coward?
No . . . he wished he had the energy to laugh, because he felt like it now.
Perhaps he is always a lowly coward.
Really, he didn’t know how long the flesh of Jung Yunho had been sitting on that wooden chair at the bedside. At times he could feel his limbs, and yet at times he seemed like watching someone else’s stage.
But there was once, perhaps twice, he thought he heard cries from afar when his surrounding remained the constant darkness.
To hear in the darkness that was enveloping him was like listening underwater. Something important was lost in the middle of transmitting. It was so, until the very word made the single crack line in the dark . . . the only key to the rusty lock.
“-- . . . Jaejoong hyung! Who would look after him if you fall too? Please hyung, eat something . . . if not, for Jaejoong hyung’s sake . . . ---”
But he didn’t register what was shoved into his mouth, and what his dry throat had swallowed.
They were right; Jaejoong breathes if only he does.
“ . . . - say something to him, hyung.”
He recognized the thread of tired plea in the voices ringing beside his ears.
“The doctor says there will be a better chance for Jaejoong hyung to regain conscious if we talk to him. Constantly . . .”
“And we need you . . . he needs you . . .”
The truth?
“Even if it was a mere word from you . . . but ours . . . he . . .”
Whose?
“This is your responsibility, Yunho hyung.”
Changmin.
He recognized the very last voice.
Changmin . . .
His responsibility . . .? Yes, his, and all his, like it always was, wasn’t it.
Jung Yunho’s life doesn’t belong only to Jung Yunho’s flesh, but also to Kim Jaejoong’s life. Always vice versa.
But.
But it was weighing down on his shoulders so much, so much that he felt like giving in to the load and simply collapses. A selfish thought it was, but really, he was tired. Really, really tired.
Another individual’s life is almost totally dependant on you . . . far too much. And now, a handful of other’s lives had been affected. All because of him.
Why couldn’t Jung Yunho be stronger?
Why must Jung Yunho be such a weakling?
Selfish he was, deep within, a part of him, once again, wished for the eternal silence of Kim Jaejoong.
His battered soul couldn’t take in more of Kim Jaejoong. Be it Kim Jaejoong’s love, Kim Jaejoong’s insecurities, Kim Jaejoong’s trauma, or Kim Jaejoong’s soul.
All these were too much on a one weak and ordinary man like Jung Yunho was.
If only this man was stronger . . .
And now he knew, like a coward he always detested so, and yet he could never shake off this undesirable part of him.
But he was really, really exhausted.
Did Kim Jaejoong feel the same too?
Tired of what was shared, what was there, between them?
The thought of Jaejoong growing sick of him . . .
The huge lump was up his throat on the next heartbeat.
“ . . . --- Boo.”
It was soft, almost inaudible that he was sure even his very own ears would miss it.
“. . . Jae . . . my . . . Boo.”
And when the man lying on the bed remained indifferent, Yunho chuckled lightly. The sound rang hollowly in his ears; the dull ache in his chest spreading to his limbs, his eyes seemed to sting.
He laid his cheek very carefully on Jaejoong’s pale and still fingers, and closed his eyes.
He felt like the one being abandoned.
Perhaps he was.
“. . . If you were to leave . . . take me too . . . uh . . .?”
The air was awfully silent, and Yunho thought so was his heartbeats, until he felt fingers tickled his rested cheek.
His Jaejoong had awakened.
* * *
Finally, he was here with him.
He had been submerging himself underwater for too long. His voice - his presence - was like some enormous force which never failed to pull him out, on both arms, strong and steady.
Almost . . . he had almost allowed himself to drown to his death, if not for the man’s changed of mind.
His Yunho ah . . .
He wanted Yunho to be the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes. And he did. Lashes fluttered, the initially light was too sharp, it blinded his eyes so much. But he knew Yunho was there, here, right with him.
And he wanted to see him again, so much.
The Kim Jaejoong missed his Jung Yunho.
. . . But, did the Jung Yunho miss his Kim Jaejoong too? Can he assume that, because Yunho decided to bring him back, he must have missed him too?
It was still not complete victory he was tasting. A disgusting taste mixed with fear.
When he could see clearly, the beautiful face of his Life was trekked with tears; dried tears, fresh tears. People always say his Yunho is handsome. But to Jaejoong, his Yunho is beautiful. Tears are cruelly pretty, and his Yunho always tear before no one but him.
But me.
Memories washed back like the silent tide in the late of a night, and both men simply locked their stares with one another. Time seemed to stop, what enveloped them were the thousand emotions they felt for each other at that same one time.
He drank the sight of a soul-lost Yunho hungrily, disillusioning himself for at least this moment that it was because he loved and cared, thus so.
But he remembered, the inhuman decision that was made against him, the contempt that was set against him, and the heart that was locked away from him.
Uncontrollably, the broken soul and body started to tear. Mist formed in those soulful and bloodshot eyes, and when his vision of a stoning Yunho blurred, tears fell.
Why did he wake up?
Why did he wake up to a reality that would break him without even trying?
Yunho was still staring blankly at him, or was it right through me? But he had awakened him, it must have meant something, yes? It had to mean something. There was a small crease between his Yunho’s handsome brows, could he interpret it as heartache?
Or did the loathe he held for his presence caused that dislike between his eyes?
Feeling as if every single fiber in his bones were breaking up upon the slightest movement of his muscles, Jaejoong managed to turn his head away from him.
No, he couldn’t bear to see any contempt in those eyes he loved so. Maybe he could try to hate the handsome man too? But how was it even possible!
He shut his eyes tightly, hoping to sink himself into his spun lies behind closed lids.
But his eyes flew opened when he felt a sinking weight beside him. Before his mind could register, a palm cupped his cheek gently and then his head turned. He was met with a pair of cold and dry lips, the delicacy he had always yearned for so much.
Jaejoong meowed softly in his dry throat in contentment and disbelief, and before he could kiss him back, his love pulled away and left a gush of brittle breeze against his parted lips.
Don’t leave, he wanted him.
“Yun ---”
“I will not forgive you.”
It was an unfeeling statement which pierced right through his heart effortlessly. But before his soul could tremble with despair once again, Yunho had learned forward to capture his bottom plump lip with his teeth.
He opened his mouth immediately on the very next heartbeat to chew on Yunho’s lip too, and like a pair of carnivores, they devoured each other’s mouth hungrily, teeth clattered against teeth, lips pressed tightly against lips, hot breath exchanged, sliver threads dripped from the corner of their mouths.
Yes, Jaejoong’s soul flew when he sucked ferociously onto Yunho’s exploring tongue, Yunho is mine to love again.
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a/n II: *blinks blinks*
Really sorry this is what you get after such a long wait *pouts guiltily*