(no subject)
so, sorry for anyone who may be following me - I'm gonna put this under a read more cut, but I don't know if that will work and so, apologies in advance if you read my self-pitying rant.
So like, I get that I'm overweight. I get that, intimately. I've done my absolute best to just kinda stop eating, but I know I need to actually couple that with exercise. The problem is I do not like people. At all. I know what I look like. What am I gonna do, walk around the neighborhood? I already have this irrational (or rational, considering I wear a headscarf) fear that people are staring at me and every move I make. I don't need people staring at me. Going to a gym when there's little people there seems to make sense, only I don't like being in uncomfortable environments, and really, that doesn't alleviate the 'people staring at me issue' at all.
All of these are excuses, of course - I just need to get off my useless ass and exercise. Because it's very clear that it doesn't matter what personality I have; Muslim guys take one look at my profile pick and immediately stop talking to me.
Immediately.
It's just getting frustrating, because you know how you kinda start to buy into something? Like you get that it's unrealistic to hope to win a competition but you still have this irrational hope that yeah, you could do it? That's how it is with all this body positivity messages. You start to buy into them until reality kinda crashes into you and you become intimately aware that those are all false and you are as disgusting as you thought originally.
I'm just - so much overweight. Like I'm 250+. How the hell am I gonna drop by 100 pounds?
I can't, not really, so I just... continually sit in my house and feel like a loser, a horrible person, because I am.
So like, I get that I'm overweight. I get that, intimately. I've done my absolute best to just kinda stop eating, but I know I need to actually couple that with exercise. The problem is I do not like people. At all. I know what I look like. What am I gonna do, walk around the neighborhood? I already have this irrational (or rational, considering I wear a headscarf) fear that people are staring at me and every move I make. I don't need people staring at me. Going to a gym when there's little people there seems to make sense, only I don't like being in uncomfortable environments, and really, that doesn't alleviate the 'people staring at me issue' at all.
All of these are excuses, of course - I just need to get off my useless ass and exercise. Because it's very clear that it doesn't matter what personality I have; Muslim guys take one look at my profile pick and immediately stop talking to me.
Immediately.
It's just getting frustrating, because you know how you kinda start to buy into something? Like you get that it's unrealistic to hope to win a competition but you still have this irrational hope that yeah, you could do it? That's how it is with all this body positivity messages. You start to buy into them until reality kinda crashes into you and you become intimately aware that those are all false and you are as disgusting as you thought originally.
I'm just - so much overweight. Like I'm 250+. How the hell am I gonna drop by 100 pounds?
I can't, not really, so I just... continually sit in my house and feel like a loser, a horrible person, because I am.