(no subject)
have you ever felt like you're with someone who is just waiting for the next best thing? have you ever felt like your whole relationship is just the other person waiting for someone better to come along? i feel that way sometimes. i feel like i'm just filling in until she can find someone who will make her happier. you have this person with whom, when you look in her eyes, you can see yourself spending the rest of your life. but at some point, when you look into her eyes, you can tell that her feelings are not the same. every time she meets someone new or finds anyone the least bit interesting, she engulfs herself in this new person, trying to find out everything possible. it is like she's trying to scout out her prospects. it hurts me. it hurts to know that we really won't be together forever, no matter how great and in depth our fantasy worlds. i almost wish she would figure it out already, just to save me from the pain. i know it is going to happen, and i think that makes it hurt worse in that it prolongs the pain of expectancy. at least i will know when it happens. she does not know this yet, but i do.