what has become of this tragedy?
i simply cannot compete with the social world. i want to be in it, but i can't get myself out of here. i have strange priorities for a mere child. i say child because i really am. i have absolute no direction, though i pretend i know precisely where i'm going. i pretend. that is all i ever do. to be perfectly honest, i am confused as hell by life. i don't really care about my summer plans. really. i don't. i want to have fun. maybe i just have a different kind of fun? or maybe i have gotten used to not having any fun at all? maybe that's it. maybe i'm not made for fun. perhaps i am just a home body. the type to stay home and read on friday nights. that is what i did on friday night. and saturday night i stayed home again and painted and made rice krispie treats. oh, i am cool. at the time, i don't care that i am not being socially interactive. i pretend not to care later. but i really do. i want to be like everyone else with their exciting weekends. i have realized that i've grown apart from every single one of my friends. i am a loner, in essence. i dabble, but i cannot hang on to one person for very long. i am finding myself completely disenchanted with other human beings. everyone seems pretentious. everyone seems fake. everyone seems too judgmental. i don't feel as if i can be myself around anyone anymore. this disheartens me. i want things to be the way they once were. i want to go out every weekend and stay out late. i want to drive around without shit to do. i just want to have some fucking fun. where has my life gone? save me. someone. anyone. please. thank you.