Interesting..

[outcasted_angel]

 I'm trying to figure out why is it that I can never stick to just one thing I even kind of sort of want. I don't know if it's my fear of something going wrong and me being left in the dark again or if I just really can't help push down walls I worked so hard on putting up. I don't let anyone near and I don't really think I could. My trust issue is fucked up I'm not sure if I could issue it out to one more person. I worry too much and I'm always depressed. I try not to let people see that because I want to be the person that isn't bothered. I don't want to be the person that depends on someone to cheer them up. I don't think I would ever forgive myself. I guess today just wasn't a good day for me. I'm depressed more than usual and I'm wanting to seek help from friends but I cannot bring myself to even do that but I guess I can try and hope for a better day tomorrow and try not to let things in my past bother me. The things haunt me and I cannot seem to let go of them. Things will always be better in the end and I just have to keep telling myself that each and every day when I want to break down and cry or try and push someone out of my life. I have to force myself to shut up because I would end up pushing everyone I care about out of my life. It's a flaw and I can't seem to get rid of it completely. It's top rank on my to do list. Blah that's all for now.
xoxo Rachel.

(( I just showed this to a friend hoping for a response but I don't think I will be receiving the one I would really like))