Forward
Livejournal my dear friend, how long has it been?
Well I guess this is Karma 101. Seems the tribulations of last night eclipsed what have would
been a perfect evening transiting into a memorable night. Someone close to me has done something really hurtful... ironically with someone else who was close to me. Its difficult to attribute blame or distribute a notion of wrongness. Given the several hours that have passed and slightly more cheerful texts exchanged with the former, I find myself poised on the brink of madness. This is the second sleepless night spent pondering the fabric of my own logic. Given my prior transgressions this should be poetically sound; that I DESERVE this, but yet I dont WANT this feeling. There are too many things at stake to be utterly insecure about this scenario. The most practical solution is extraction - yet I find myself unwittingly rooted to this person... embedded so close to my hidden self that childlike persuasions have taken over my ability to act and react in this situation. There are similar delicacies involved - I've experienced equal drama in the aid of others and had some dexterity in untangling the intangible dynamics of this blasted peer bonding experience. But not with my own. Oh no, Saito has too much pride, but also too much caution. How I wish this was something more mathematical, more instrumentally sterile that I could simply pluck the answer from hard facts and weigh the probability with Damocles blade.
Right now the examination which is merely 6 hours away is barely weighing on my unbearable attempts to turn the wet pages or the pangs of work which wail impotently within my spectrum of communication.
But I do have purpose. I see a path, though tangled, it might just have the insanity to work. Alas, we must move forward and I can forgive what is known, and hopefully forget what isn't. There is a horrid dance that reconciles the wants with the want nots, more notably yours - pray my feet don't get severed. The tacit understanding is that we take slow steps to construct everything... and that you believe in me.
I'm only worried if you are alright
Well I guess this is Karma 101. Seems the tribulations of last night eclipsed what have would
been a perfect evening transiting into a memorable night. Someone close to me has done something really hurtful... ironically with someone else who was close to me. Its difficult to attribute blame or distribute a notion of wrongness. Given the several hours that have passed and slightly more cheerful texts exchanged with the former, I find myself poised on the brink of madness. This is the second sleepless night spent pondering the fabric of my own logic. Given my prior transgressions this should be poetically sound; that I DESERVE this, but yet I dont WANT this feeling. There are too many things at stake to be utterly insecure about this scenario. The most practical solution is extraction - yet I find myself unwittingly rooted to this person... embedded so close to my hidden self that childlike persuasions have taken over my ability to act and react in this situation. There are similar delicacies involved - I've experienced equal drama in the aid of others and had some dexterity in untangling the intangible dynamics of this blasted peer bonding experience. But not with my own. Oh no, Saito has too much pride, but also too much caution. How I wish this was something more mathematical, more instrumentally sterile that I could simply pluck the answer from hard facts and weigh the probability with Damocles blade.
Right now the examination which is merely 6 hours away is barely weighing on my unbearable attempts to turn the wet pages or the pangs of work which wail impotently within my spectrum of communication.
But I do have purpose. I see a path, though tangled, it might just have the insanity to work. Alas, we must move forward and I can forgive what is known, and hopefully forget what isn't. There is a horrid dance that reconciles the wants with the want nots, more notably yours - pray my feet don't get severed. The tacit understanding is that we take slow steps to construct everything... and that you believe in me.
I'm only worried if you are alright