a volcano of Sap erupted in my brain & my heart. it's been years
So this is my first real entry in a very long time.
I'm sitting here in an empty office, on a broken down strip of abandoned rowhouses on Calvert Street, listening to billie holiday and bossa nova and the humming of flourescent lightbulbs.
For the first time in a while I feel a little bit unsure about, well, everything! But not in a stifling, overwhelming way. In that way that makes you question the way you handle your relationships with the people you love the most, and make you wonder where you're going to end up after you depart this one little world you've been living in and enter into something else. The scary thing is, I have no idea what that will be! But I'm starting to care less and less about that, which is both terrifying and thrilling all at once.
Illustration is starting to be less and less appealing to me, at least in a classroom scenario. I know I can be good, and that I am good, I just need to feed off other people's ideas at this point, instead of outwardly projecting what's in my head. I know, it sounds backwards and almost ridiculous, but it's terribly difficult to be conceptual on any level when you don't feel as stimulated or excited as some other time in your life. You wander around all day, daydreaming about those times and wondering if everyone you know has experienced things as good.
But I don't mind this feeling because I've felt it before, and I have the knoweledge that when it passes, I feel renewed. I see myself clearly again.
Now if only my tongue didn't stick to the roof of my mouth when certain words try to spill out, I'd be in tip top shape.
I miss this summer terriblyyy! It's funny how the spontaneous choices you make in life are the ones that stick with you forever. I'll try to keep that in mind in May.
I'm sitting here in an empty office, on a broken down strip of abandoned rowhouses on Calvert Street, listening to billie holiday and bossa nova and the humming of flourescent lightbulbs.
For the first time in a while I feel a little bit unsure about, well, everything! But not in a stifling, overwhelming way. In that way that makes you question the way you handle your relationships with the people you love the most, and make you wonder where you're going to end up after you depart this one little world you've been living in and enter into something else. The scary thing is, I have no idea what that will be! But I'm starting to care less and less about that, which is both terrifying and thrilling all at once.
Illustration is starting to be less and less appealing to me, at least in a classroom scenario. I know I can be good, and that I am good, I just need to feed off other people's ideas at this point, instead of outwardly projecting what's in my head. I know, it sounds backwards and almost ridiculous, but it's terribly difficult to be conceptual on any level when you don't feel as stimulated or excited as some other time in your life. You wander around all day, daydreaming about those times and wondering if everyone you know has experienced things as good.
But I don't mind this feeling because I've felt it before, and I have the knoweledge that when it passes, I feel renewed. I see myself clearly again.
Now if only my tongue didn't stick to the roof of my mouth when certain words try to spill out, I'd be in tip top shape.
I miss this summer terriblyyy! It's funny how the spontaneous choices you make in life are the ones that stick with you forever. I'll try to keep that in mind in May.