(no subject)
In Media Res. Beginnings are usually difficult, endings are sometimes sad, but what happens in the middle is what counts: and it's what i choose to write about. Introduction need not apply.
I've gotten into a horrible habbit of going out all night when no-one is around and coming home when everyone is just waking up. How could I break this habbit when I've had the most incredible experience with someone in exactly these off-peak hours of the night. Under the stars. "Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one." One of those rare rare experiences. Unfortunately not every beautiful experience stays so perfect. I fear it won't move to the back of my mind for some time.
Absolutely couldn't believe how quickly i became connected to her .what an incredible soul. Her artwork is absolutely flooring. She's the definition of a survivor. Above that she radiates style and quiet confidence.
Every moment i can spare, i've spent with her, immersed in that very rare link where silences are never akward, the topics of conversation are never normal yet fit perfectly, and i can't stop smiling when i'm around her. Or whenever i think about her. I've been smiling like a bipolar cheshire cat. I let her borrow MSi. She listened to it twice. she has an intriguing interest in Japan and the pop music scene. All that comes to my mind is Ichi the killer. Still; intriguing nonetheless. She wore the most amazing blue japanese dress to her senior prom. But it was more like she was radiating blue color, and the dress was just along for the ride. Her date wore a matching komodo? I'm still ignorant. it looked cool whatever the name. She has no reservations, she has the most amazing smile, she defines poise at all times, yet she couldnt' be farther from arrogance or elitism.
she has a boyfriend.
i almost wish she was lesbian...for that matter i almost wish i was gay. At least then i wouldn't be attracted to her.
He arrived yesterday.
8th grade is coming back to haunt me. she is too fucking...perfect to blow off because of her boyfriend
She's too perfect to disgrace her promise or relationship.
I respect her for that above and beyond all else. The friend that tells you a secret can't be trusted. You know? If someone lies once, lying a second time is all the much easier. This goes for relationships also. Good for her. Men come and go; women too. Morals, ethics, standards, trust, admiration. Those are forever. DeBeers.
I mean christ. This isn't supposed to happen in college. Middle school is for this kind of problem.
I can't ignore her to save myself: i've already committed myself to her, and shes too perfect to selfishly dismiss so i can sleep better at night. For fucks sake; i cant sleep anyway. and i wouldnt be able to live with myself if i did that anyway.
I can't continue on like before.
Emotions are overpowering. We can't control why the happen. We can't control when they happen. We can't control where they'll happen. The only thing under our control is how long we allow ourselves to be under their influence Christ though. I dont think i can even do that.
And lastly I can't be friends. Not with that thought of someone always there giving her everythign she needs. the thought of what happens i dont know about. the insane jealousy. the selfish envy. Listen to this? It's just another form of blowing her off. There is nothing for me to do but live with my self. This place isn't big enough to escape into the crowd forever. I'll just pray for snow.
It's not important to know what to say. It's important to know how to BE. I have to just be. somewhere else. i guess
I've gotten into a horrible habbit of going out all night when no-one is around and coming home when everyone is just waking up. How could I break this habbit when I've had the most incredible experience with someone in exactly these off-peak hours of the night. Under the stars. "Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one." One of those rare rare experiences. Unfortunately not every beautiful experience stays so perfect. I fear it won't move to the back of my mind for some time.
Absolutely couldn't believe how quickly i became connected to her .what an incredible soul. Her artwork is absolutely flooring. She's the definition of a survivor. Above that she radiates style and quiet confidence.
Every moment i can spare, i've spent with her, immersed in that very rare link where silences are never akward, the topics of conversation are never normal yet fit perfectly, and i can't stop smiling when i'm around her. Or whenever i think about her. I've been smiling like a bipolar cheshire cat. I let her borrow MSi. She listened to it twice. she has an intriguing interest in Japan and the pop music scene. All that comes to my mind is Ichi the killer. Still; intriguing nonetheless. She wore the most amazing blue japanese dress to her senior prom. But it was more like she was radiating blue color, and the dress was just along for the ride. Her date wore a matching komodo? I'm still ignorant. it looked cool whatever the name. She has no reservations, she has the most amazing smile, she defines poise at all times, yet she couldnt' be farther from arrogance or elitism.
she has a boyfriend.
i almost wish she was lesbian...for that matter i almost wish i was gay. At least then i wouldn't be attracted to her.
He arrived yesterday.
8th grade is coming back to haunt me. she is too fucking...perfect to blow off because of her boyfriend
She's too perfect to disgrace her promise or relationship.
I respect her for that above and beyond all else. The friend that tells you a secret can't be trusted. You know? If someone lies once, lying a second time is all the much easier. This goes for relationships also. Good for her. Men come and go; women too. Morals, ethics, standards, trust, admiration. Those are forever. DeBeers.
I mean christ. This isn't supposed to happen in college. Middle school is for this kind of problem.
I can't ignore her to save myself: i've already committed myself to her, and shes too perfect to selfishly dismiss so i can sleep better at night. For fucks sake; i cant sleep anyway. and i wouldnt be able to live with myself if i did that anyway.
I can't continue on like before.
Emotions are overpowering. We can't control why the happen. We can't control when they happen. We can't control where they'll happen. The only thing under our control is how long we allow ourselves to be under their influence Christ though. I dont think i can even do that.
And lastly I can't be friends. Not with that thought of someone always there giving her everythign she needs. the thought of what happens i dont know about. the insane jealousy. the selfish envy. Listen to this? It's just another form of blowing her off. There is nothing for me to do but live with my self. This place isn't big enough to escape into the crowd forever. I'll just pray for snow.
It's not important to know what to say. It's important to know how to BE. I have to just be. somewhere else. i guess