When Churchyards Yawn
Chapter 1: The Play's the Thing
The next day dawned dim and grey, a layer of thick, flat clouds covered the sky as if someone had put a roof over the world. The students barely managed to drag themselves into the school, most of them looking only half awake. Fred was a little less awake than that, and was jerked out of a doze with a start when the bell rang to start homeroom. A crumpled ball of paper struck the back of his head and he turned with an annoyed sound. Jim Porter, who was sitting behind him, laughed. “Aren’t you awake yet?”
“It’s still dark out.” Fred muffled a yawn with the back of his hand. “I always have trouble waking up when it’s dark outside.”
“It’s not that dark out. Sun’s up and everything.” Jim started to toss another ball of paper, but hid it under the table when the movement drew a sharp word and a glare from Mrs. Johnson, the homeroom teacher.
“Jim, you should know by now that Fred doesn’t wake up until third period at least,” Eddie laughed from next to Jim. “I’m surprised that he’s actually passing Calculus, he practically sleeps through first period.”
“I study after school. And I hardly think that this,” he jerks his thumb toward the window, “counts as the sun being up. It’s practically still night out there.” Their attention, as well as everyone else’s in the room, was momentarily drawn by the room phone ringing. Mrs. Johnson answered it and the students waited for a reaction, but after a few moments it became clear that the call wasn’t aimed at any of them and they went back their conversations. “Besides, I was up late last night working on that paper for Fenner. It’s hard.”
“You’ve got to out think the paper, Fred. You’ve got to be smarter than the paper. Don’t let it smell your fear, papers can be cunning things, you know.” Fred snorted as he snatched the paper ball off of the floor and tossed it at Jim.
“I am smarter than the paper, moron. I got it done, didn’t I?” He glanced over at Mrs. Johnson to see if she’d noticed the paper throwing but she was still on the phone, looking worried. “It was a hard paper, though.” Jim rolled his eyes and bounced the paper ball off of Fred’s forehead. Fred scowled and grabbed for it, but it rolled under Eddie’s desk before he could catch it.
“Just because it wasn’t about one of the books you’d already read fifteen times before it even came up in class.” Eddie grinned, knowing that Fred would not be able to argue that point, and retrieved the ball. Fred grabbed for it again but he pulled it back and tossed it back to Jim. “You must have actually had to think and reference the book for once.”
“You’re not helping, Ed.” Jim threw the ball again, and this time Fred caught it and flung it at Eddie, hitting him in the side of the head.
“Wasn’t trying to.” Eddie tossed the ball back at Fred and hit him in the face, but before Fred could retaliate Mrs. Johnson hung up the phone.
“Mr. Inglor!” He snapped his arm down, hiding the ball under his desk. He smiled at the irritated teacher, but her severe expression didn’t change. “No horseplay in my classroom, if you please.” Even most of the other teachers would not argue with Mrs. Johnson when she got that expression on her face.
“Yes, ma’am. Sorry.” They boys stayed silent and still until she returned to her desk to grade assignments, then Eddie and Jim snickered. Fred scowled at them annoyedly. “Yeah, very funny, guys.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault,” Eddie defended himself, and before Jim could retort the bell rang for first period.
Fred took the opportunity to toss the paper ball at Jim one last time while everyone else was moving around and blocking Mrs. Johnson’s view. “I’ll see you guys later.”
“See you later.” The three boys went their separate ways at the door and headed off to their first classes of the day.
The three met up again at lunch, which none of them were overly enthusiastic about. It was the Amazing Bouncing Chicken Nuggets again. The rubbery lunch food was nearly legendary in the school, according to rumor a student once managed to bounce one off the floor all the way up to the ceiling. Fred was bouncing one off of his plate and seeing how high he could get it when Eddie and Jim joined him. Eddie dropped his tray on the table across from him with a look of disgust. “I hate these things.”
“Why did you get them, then?” Jim sat next to Fred and bounced one of his own nuggets. He was the best at it, his record was almost a foot. Eddie tossed a fry at him.
“Because they’re the only thing here. There’s not exactly much choice.” He poked at the nuggets and fries with a fork, a habit Fred and Jim had always teased him about. Today was no exception.
“Why do you always eat your fries with a fork? You can use your hands, you know. Everyone else does.” Eddie flicked another fry at him, using the fork like a catapult.
“They’re greasy, even greasier than normal fries. The nuggets are worse, they’re practically swimming in grease in the serving pan. If there was anything else to eat I wouldn’t get them.” He made a face and poked at the nuggets again.
“They’re not bad. Most of the time. . . . I think.” Truthfully, Fred thought the same thing about the chicken nuggets, but if he admitted that he wouldn’t be able to tease Eddie about it.
Jim just shrugged and took a bite out of the one he had been bouncing. “Tastes okay to me.”
“Yeah, but you’d eat almost anything.” Fred flicked half of the fry he was eating at Jim’s nose, missed, and hit his ear.
“Not anything, some stuff’s just gross. Tofu is gross, cottage cheese is gross . . .”
“Yeah, but fry it in grease and you’d eat it anyway,” Eddie taunted. Jim just shrugged and grinned.
“Probably.” Their conversation was interrupted by a perky blond landing in the seat next to Eddie and dropping her tray to the table with a clatter.
“Hi guys, what’s up?” Amy grinned at all of them, but particularly at Fred. They’d been together on and off almost since Fred moved in four years ago, they were “off” at the moment but their breakups were generally amicable and they usually remained friends through them.
“Not much, we were just talking about how great the food is.” Fred’s tone practically dripped sarcasm and he bounced another chicken nugget off of his plate. Amy giggled and poked at her salad with a fork.
“Why do you think I never eat it? There are benefits to pretending to be vegetarian. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if those things killed someone one day, they’re so greasy.” Fred rolled his eyes at bit the nugget in half, valiantly not making a face at the grease.
“They’re not that.”
“Yes, I’m sure they count as real food on some planet,” Amy said wryly. Eddie snickered and Jim just shook his head and continued eating, pausing occasionally to add more salt. “You’re going to give yourself a heart attack with all that salt, Jimmy. I don’t want to be going to your funeral before we even turn twenty-five.” The others snickered.
“I hate to say it, but she’s probably right, Jim. You don’t need to dump the whole salt shaker on it.” Jim just rolled his eyes at Fred and continued eating, after a few more moments the rest did the same.
“To a nunnery, go.” Fred turned and stalked off of the stage, a picture of mad melancholy, and Amy staggered backwards in shock. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Mr. Fenner’s voice lashed out at an unfortunate member of the cast who’d been talking a little too loudly.
“Mr. Tevil. If you feel you are not receiving enough attention, perhaps you would like to get up on stage.” Sam Tevil showed no sign of moving, he apparently did not realize that this was a threat.” “Now.”
Tevil climbed the steps to the stage slowly and defiantly, he rarely showed any respect for teachers and this was no exception. Mr. Fenner studied Tevil for a minute, with a peculiar smile on his face. The other students winced, Sam Tevil was not well liked, but they all knew that this smile meant nothing good. “Now, Mr. Tevil. Perhaps you would like to entertain us by being . . . a tree.”
A murmur ran through the other students, but was silenced by a look from Mr. Fenner. “A tree, Mr. Tevil. Now.” Finally Tevil did make a vague attempt to “be a tree,” the other students were careful not to laugh in case they were next. “That’s enough, Mr. Tevil. Mr. Inglor, if you would give Ms. Irving her cue, please?” Tevil left the stage red-faced and angry, and Fred called from the wings.
“To a nunnery, go!” Amy took a deep breath and launched into her speech.
“Oh, what a noble mind is here o'erthro-AHH!” She’d slumped against the castle wall, but midway through the line it wobbled and nearly fell over with her on it. Amy jumped away and stared at the wall, Fred leaned out from the wings to see what was going on and Claudius and Polonius came out from behind their pillar to see if everything was alright.
Amy dusted off her rehearsal skirt and took a deep breath. “I’m okay, I’m okay. The wall almost fell down, that’s all.” Mr. Fenner came up on stage and shook the wall, which wobbled badly. “Mr. Porter, please make a note that this wall needs to be reenforced.” Jim waved from the house, he was sitting in on rehearsal to make notes for the stage crew.
“Already did, Mr. Fenner.” He held up the notebook and grinned. The director nodded and turned back to the startled actors.
“Alright, just stay away from the wall for now, Ms. Irving. We’ll start again from the beginning of your line, if that’s alright with you?” Amy nodded and returned to where she had been standing for Fred’s exit.
“Oh, what a noble mind is here o’erthrown . . .” As Amy launched back into her speech Fenner went back down to the middle of the house to get a better view of the run-through of the scene. Fred snuck around the side of the stage and down the stairs to watch the rest of the scene. Because of where he was standing, he was the only person to notice when Mrs. Fenner slipped in the main doors and went to speak quietly to her husband. He did not think much of it and continued watching the scene, until a minute later when Fenner walked for ward and called a halt to everything in the middle of Polonius telling King Claudius to send Hamlet to England.
“I’m sorry guys, but if you could all come down here for a bit? Everyone watching, you too.” The entire cast filtered down to the front of the house and perched around Mr. Fenner on the edge of the stage or the front row seats. Mrs. Fenner hovered nervously in the background. “I’m going to have to end rehearsal early. I doubt that anyone’s seen the news in the last few hours,” he paused and glanced around at the actors and crew, who shook their heads, “but there seems to have been a serious leak from a chemical plant a few miles from here. There area around it has become heavily contaminated and it’s spreading fast, from what I’ve just heard it’s also contaminated a couple nearby food processing plants. A lot of people are getting very ill from it, and evacuations have already started closer to the plant. I want you guys to go home, make sure your parents have heard about this and keep an eye out for any evacuation warnings. If there is an evacuation, rehearsals will be temporarily suspended.” Nervous laughter ran through the cast and Mr. Fenner waved them toward the doors. “That is all, if anyone is going to have trouble getting home or needs a ride, let me know.”
The next day dawned dim and grey, a layer of thick, flat clouds covered the sky as if someone had put a roof over the world. The students barely managed to drag themselves into the school, most of them looking only half awake. Fred was a little less awake than that, and was jerked out of a doze with a start when the bell rang to start homeroom. A crumpled ball of paper struck the back of his head and he turned with an annoyed sound. Jim Porter, who was sitting behind him, laughed. “Aren’t you awake yet?”
“It’s still dark out.” Fred muffled a yawn with the back of his hand. “I always have trouble waking up when it’s dark outside.”
“It’s not that dark out. Sun’s up and everything.” Jim started to toss another ball of paper, but hid it under the table when the movement drew a sharp word and a glare from Mrs. Johnson, the homeroom teacher.
“Jim, you should know by now that Fred doesn’t wake up until third period at least,” Eddie laughed from next to Jim. “I’m surprised that he’s actually passing Calculus, he practically sleeps through first period.”
“I study after school. And I hardly think that this,” he jerks his thumb toward the window, “counts as the sun being up. It’s practically still night out there.” Their attention, as well as everyone else’s in the room, was momentarily drawn by the room phone ringing. Mrs. Johnson answered it and the students waited for a reaction, but after a few moments it became clear that the call wasn’t aimed at any of them and they went back their conversations. “Besides, I was up late last night working on that paper for Fenner. It’s hard.”
“You’ve got to out think the paper, Fred. You’ve got to be smarter than the paper. Don’t let it smell your fear, papers can be cunning things, you know.” Fred snorted as he snatched the paper ball off of the floor and tossed it at Jim.
“I am smarter than the paper, moron. I got it done, didn’t I?” He glanced over at Mrs. Johnson to see if she’d noticed the paper throwing but she was still on the phone, looking worried. “It was a hard paper, though.” Jim rolled his eyes and bounced the paper ball off of Fred’s forehead. Fred scowled and grabbed for it, but it rolled under Eddie’s desk before he could catch it.
“Just because it wasn’t about one of the books you’d already read fifteen times before it even came up in class.” Eddie grinned, knowing that Fred would not be able to argue that point, and retrieved the ball. Fred grabbed for it again but he pulled it back and tossed it back to Jim. “You must have actually had to think and reference the book for once.”
“You’re not helping, Ed.” Jim threw the ball again, and this time Fred caught it and flung it at Eddie, hitting him in the side of the head.
“Wasn’t trying to.” Eddie tossed the ball back at Fred and hit him in the face, but before Fred could retaliate Mrs. Johnson hung up the phone.
“Mr. Inglor!” He snapped his arm down, hiding the ball under his desk. He smiled at the irritated teacher, but her severe expression didn’t change. “No horseplay in my classroom, if you please.” Even most of the other teachers would not argue with Mrs. Johnson when she got that expression on her face.
“Yes, ma’am. Sorry.” They boys stayed silent and still until she returned to her desk to grade assignments, then Eddie and Jim snickered. Fred scowled at them annoyedly. “Yeah, very funny, guys.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault,” Eddie defended himself, and before Jim could retort the bell rang for first period.
Fred took the opportunity to toss the paper ball at Jim one last time while everyone else was moving around and blocking Mrs. Johnson’s view. “I’ll see you guys later.”
“See you later.” The three boys went their separate ways at the door and headed off to their first classes of the day.
The three met up again at lunch, which none of them were overly enthusiastic about. It was the Amazing Bouncing Chicken Nuggets again. The rubbery lunch food was nearly legendary in the school, according to rumor a student once managed to bounce one off the floor all the way up to the ceiling. Fred was bouncing one off of his plate and seeing how high he could get it when Eddie and Jim joined him. Eddie dropped his tray on the table across from him with a look of disgust. “I hate these things.”
“Why did you get them, then?” Jim sat next to Fred and bounced one of his own nuggets. He was the best at it, his record was almost a foot. Eddie tossed a fry at him.
“Because they’re the only thing here. There’s not exactly much choice.” He poked at the nuggets and fries with a fork, a habit Fred and Jim had always teased him about. Today was no exception.
“Why do you always eat your fries with a fork? You can use your hands, you know. Everyone else does.” Eddie flicked another fry at him, using the fork like a catapult.
“They’re greasy, even greasier than normal fries. The nuggets are worse, they’re practically swimming in grease in the serving pan. If there was anything else to eat I wouldn’t get them.” He made a face and poked at the nuggets again.
“They’re not bad. Most of the time. . . . I think.” Truthfully, Fred thought the same thing about the chicken nuggets, but if he admitted that he wouldn’t be able to tease Eddie about it.
Jim just shrugged and took a bite out of the one he had been bouncing. “Tastes okay to me.”
“Yeah, but you’d eat almost anything.” Fred flicked half of the fry he was eating at Jim’s nose, missed, and hit his ear.
“Not anything, some stuff’s just gross. Tofu is gross, cottage cheese is gross . . .”
“Yeah, but fry it in grease and you’d eat it anyway,” Eddie taunted. Jim just shrugged and grinned.
“Probably.” Their conversation was interrupted by a perky blond landing in the seat next to Eddie and dropping her tray to the table with a clatter.
“Hi guys, what’s up?” Amy grinned at all of them, but particularly at Fred. They’d been together on and off almost since Fred moved in four years ago, they were “off” at the moment but their breakups were generally amicable and they usually remained friends through them.
“Not much, we were just talking about how great the food is.” Fred’s tone practically dripped sarcasm and he bounced another chicken nugget off of his plate. Amy giggled and poked at her salad with a fork.
“Why do you think I never eat it? There are benefits to pretending to be vegetarian. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if those things killed someone one day, they’re so greasy.” Fred rolled his eyes at bit the nugget in half, valiantly not making a face at the grease.
“They’re not that.”
“Yes, I’m sure they count as real food on some planet,” Amy said wryly. Eddie snickered and Jim just shook his head and continued eating, pausing occasionally to add more salt. “You’re going to give yourself a heart attack with all that salt, Jimmy. I don’t want to be going to your funeral before we even turn twenty-five.” The others snickered.
“I hate to say it, but she’s probably right, Jim. You don’t need to dump the whole salt shaker on it.” Jim just rolled his eyes at Fred and continued eating, after a few more moments the rest did the same.
“To a nunnery, go.” Fred turned and stalked off of the stage, a picture of mad melancholy, and Amy staggered backwards in shock. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Mr. Fenner’s voice lashed out at an unfortunate member of the cast who’d been talking a little too loudly.
“Mr. Tevil. If you feel you are not receiving enough attention, perhaps you would like to get up on stage.” Sam Tevil showed no sign of moving, he apparently did not realize that this was a threat.” “Now.”
Tevil climbed the steps to the stage slowly and defiantly, he rarely showed any respect for teachers and this was no exception. Mr. Fenner studied Tevil for a minute, with a peculiar smile on his face. The other students winced, Sam Tevil was not well liked, but they all knew that this smile meant nothing good. “Now, Mr. Tevil. Perhaps you would like to entertain us by being . . . a tree.”
A murmur ran through the other students, but was silenced by a look from Mr. Fenner. “A tree, Mr. Tevil. Now.” Finally Tevil did make a vague attempt to “be a tree,” the other students were careful not to laugh in case they were next. “That’s enough, Mr. Tevil. Mr. Inglor, if you would give Ms. Irving her cue, please?” Tevil left the stage red-faced and angry, and Fred called from the wings.
“To a nunnery, go!” Amy took a deep breath and launched into her speech.
“Oh, what a noble mind is here o'erthro-AHH!” She’d slumped against the castle wall, but midway through the line it wobbled and nearly fell over with her on it. Amy jumped away and stared at the wall, Fred leaned out from the wings to see what was going on and Claudius and Polonius came out from behind their pillar to see if everything was alright.
Amy dusted off her rehearsal skirt and took a deep breath. “I’m okay, I’m okay. The wall almost fell down, that’s all.” Mr. Fenner came up on stage and shook the wall, which wobbled badly. “Mr. Porter, please make a note that this wall needs to be reenforced.” Jim waved from the house, he was sitting in on rehearsal to make notes for the stage crew.
“Already did, Mr. Fenner.” He held up the notebook and grinned. The director nodded and turned back to the startled actors.
“Alright, just stay away from the wall for now, Ms. Irving. We’ll start again from the beginning of your line, if that’s alright with you?” Amy nodded and returned to where she had been standing for Fred’s exit.
“Oh, what a noble mind is here o’erthrown . . .” As Amy launched back into her speech Fenner went back down to the middle of the house to get a better view of the run-through of the scene. Fred snuck around the side of the stage and down the stairs to watch the rest of the scene. Because of where he was standing, he was the only person to notice when Mrs. Fenner slipped in the main doors and went to speak quietly to her husband. He did not think much of it and continued watching the scene, until a minute later when Fenner walked for ward and called a halt to everything in the middle of Polonius telling King Claudius to send Hamlet to England.
“I’m sorry guys, but if you could all come down here for a bit? Everyone watching, you too.” The entire cast filtered down to the front of the house and perched around Mr. Fenner on the edge of the stage or the front row seats. Mrs. Fenner hovered nervously in the background. “I’m going to have to end rehearsal early. I doubt that anyone’s seen the news in the last few hours,” he paused and glanced around at the actors and crew, who shook their heads, “but there seems to have been a serious leak from a chemical plant a few miles from here. There area around it has become heavily contaminated and it’s spreading fast, from what I’ve just heard it’s also contaminated a couple nearby food processing plants. A lot of people are getting very ill from it, and evacuations have already started closer to the plant. I want you guys to go home, make sure your parents have heard about this and keep an eye out for any evacuation warnings. If there is an evacuation, rehearsals will be temporarily suspended.” Nervous laughter ran through the cast and Mr. Fenner waved them toward the doors. “That is all, if anyone is going to have trouble getting home or needs a ride, let me know.”