I think the word you are seeking is 'scary' if not 'terrifyingly phallic'
Houseplant of the week: blue candle cactus.
Huh: if your woodshed is currently lacking in something nasty... la patronne raccommande.
'Nicknamed the ‘booby cactus’': you have got to be kidding me. This rare and very strangely shaped cactus stands out from the rest, thanks to its “scientific experiment gone wrong” appearance and its long mouthful of a botanical name, Myrtillocactus geometrizans Fukurokuryuzinboku. Buy it from a specialist.
As in 'special pleasures', fnar, fnar? This is a “monstrose” (with abnormal or distorted growth) cultivar of the more widely found Myrtillocactus geometrizans.
Which is still somewhat daunting, do admit.
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