Category confusion, perhaps?
I really don't think, you know, that having sex in the way that is most pleasurable for yourself is actually 'submissive':
If I exert control during sex, I don’t enjoy it. I prefer to lie back* - but how do I square this with my beliefs?: I prefer to ‘sit back and relax’.... If I get on top or have too much control, I am unable to get out of my head and I feel stressed.
This doesn't sound to me technically to be about submission but about receiving pleasure?
Am reminded of discussion, way back in the days when I was in a CR group in which there were both straight and gay women (I forget what the precise terms were at the time that individuals were using), when we had, after some time of getting comfortable with each other, got on to discussiong sex. And one of the women who identified as lesbian and had had a fair amount of experience said that she found that women - I can't remember whether she said, women who had previously mostly had sex in a heterosexual context? - had problems about receiving sexual attention.
Hmmmm.
I do think that 'lying back and letting yourself being pleasured' could be thought of as quite the reverse of submissive, and the 'being active and in control' sounds a lot like having to do all the work (there is a line somewhere in Katharine Whitehorn about thinking that the thing about about the Ancient Romanesses Being On Top, at least as depicted in surviving art, was about making them do the work, which is probably affecting my thoughts here).
So PSC I think is Point Thahr Misst in where her answer goes.
*And she is clearly not Thinking Of England, so...
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