What is the compliment saying?
In case anyone hasn't seen it, a woman got a sexist message complimenting her on her appearance on LinkedIn (that's right, on a site that's for making professional contacts) from a senior male in the same profession. She called it out on Twitter and got the usual troll-back, including being called a Feminazi by the DM.*
So there is a lot of 'woez woez men are not allowed to give compliments anymore DETH OF SIVILIZASHUN' as per usual going on.
I think people need to think through what they're doing with a compliment.
a) You are genuinely praising something appropriate about a person in the context within which you are giving the compliment. (There are contexts within in which 'Looking Good!!!' may be entirely good ton: we just do not think a professional networking site is one of them.)
b) You think that you are in a position vis a vis the person where you're entitled to judge entirely irrelevant things about them and they should like it if your verdict is complimentary. Because POWER itsa compliment!!!
c) You are trying to ingratiate yourself with a person. See a) above if you do not want to evoke the cringe reflex.
This is brought to you by somebody who was described in the acknowledgements of an academic monograph as 'petite and charming' by somebody to whom I had given the extensive benefits of my professional expertise in the course of their archival research. This is not how it's done, folks!
*Though this may be considered an accolade? If there are backhanded compliments, maybe there are backhanded insults? This entry was originally posted at http://oursin.dreamwidth.org/2333520.html. Please comment there using OpenID. View
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