Good Hustle
Feeling restless is not new for me. This is due in part to my belief that I retain a.d.d tendencies from childhood and that i'm also horrifically bored. True too is the odd wiring in my brain that compels me to go against, and reeeally, mostly figuratively, stick a finger up at instructions given me. In school I either quite frankly told the teachers to politely fuck themselves, or often the case, I annoyed them more by quite casually saying "I didnt read that. I watched wrestling instead". I expected that now at uni and of an age where paths ought to be paved and plans made that I would succumb willingly to instruction, after all i'm here of my own doing, but alas it is my nature to refute, to protest, or to daydream and ignore. It is of course detrimental that I should write an entry here rather than read a book i'm supposed to have read for tomorrow. Oddly too I read some and thought it excellent, yet my concentration wavered as it always does.
Another reason for my lack of reading is a slight worry. Having this innate dreamer complex amounts to an inability to evolve into a pedant. This was the plan...somewhat. Read read read, become an irrefuteable genius and I could flick off the chips on my shoulder about failing GCSE's and being told to daydream somewhere else. It wouldn't really affect the class chip I have as this is irrational and I realise this. Self awareness is not a problem for me, action is. My worry is that 1) My early daydreaming has prevented me from learning the mechanics of language, and 2) My continuing lack of attention span is harming my degree. I dont mean to romanticise me being in my head, I mean to kick it in the balls.
Dont get me wrong, I've met some lovely 18 year olds here, but its stupidly grating to get lesser marks than them because I went to play pool when the class discussed subordinate clauses. That said, I went to play pool and I am the one writing an entry ranting about it.
Obviously there is a noticeable difference in my writing since the beginning of this journal but I need to pick up my game. I need some good hustle.
In other news.....
1) I will endeavour to write here more often because it will doubtless be beneficial and I figure Bryony needs something to read at work.
2) I am ridonkulously excited about ATP vs the Fans. I cannot wait to see Jesus Lizard.
3) I have a girlfriend now wouldn't you know. I wont bore you with flowery utterances, but I shall just say that though i'm yet to sort myself out with this punctuation and grammar lark, I think i've finally sorted myself out in regard to showing affection and being a good boyfriend rather than Charlie Kauffman. Also, listening to Arthur Russell's 'Close My Eyes' in bed with her is almost enough to make me quit my degree(Its long distance you see). I wont though, I need lighter shoulders.
Another reason for my lack of reading is a slight worry. Having this innate dreamer complex amounts to an inability to evolve into a pedant. This was the plan...somewhat. Read read read, become an irrefuteable genius and I could flick off the chips on my shoulder about failing GCSE's and being told to daydream somewhere else. It wouldn't really affect the class chip I have as this is irrational and I realise this. Self awareness is not a problem for me, action is. My worry is that 1) My early daydreaming has prevented me from learning the mechanics of language, and 2) My continuing lack of attention span is harming my degree. I dont mean to romanticise me being in my head, I mean to kick it in the balls.
Dont get me wrong, I've met some lovely 18 year olds here, but its stupidly grating to get lesser marks than them because I went to play pool when the class discussed subordinate clauses. That said, I went to play pool and I am the one writing an entry ranting about it.
Obviously there is a noticeable difference in my writing since the beginning of this journal but I need to pick up my game. I need some good hustle.
In other news.....
1) I will endeavour to write here more often because it will doubtless be beneficial and I figure Bryony needs something to read at work.
2) I am ridonkulously excited about ATP vs the Fans. I cannot wait to see Jesus Lizard.
3) I have a girlfriend now wouldn't you know. I wont bore you with flowery utterances, but I shall just say that though i'm yet to sort myself out with this punctuation and grammar lark, I think i've finally sorted myself out in regard to showing affection and being a good boyfriend rather than Charlie Kauffman. Also, listening to Arthur Russell's 'Close My Eyes' in bed with her is almost enough to make me quit my degree(Its long distance you see). I wont though, I need lighter shoulders.