(no subject)

[our_thanatos]

I absolutely love the days where i have nothing to do, no one to talk to, and all i can do about is think about all the negative things in my life. I love these days because when i think about such negative things, i notice how much i truly care about whatsoever makes them negative, whether it be the loss of a romantic interest, loss of a friend(s), loss of blood, or loss of a damn key. I notice how much I have to lose, and how much it all means to me. It may be in a bad time, when nothing seems to be going my way, but this is when i realize that hey now, I've got a lot. I think about all the shit I've gone through and all the times i've seen someone look at me and say with their eyes just shut the fuck up joey, you're stupid and i remember how much it stung coming from those people. I remember how much i tresure those people, whether i still talk to them or not, and i feel the sting of that loss as well. And for every sting i am reminded of how much those people mean to me, and how much brighter they make my life. I think of those people who have passed on, and how much they may have changed me and pray to god that they served their purpose on earth before they left, and how they contributed to whatever my purpose may be. And as i ride this roller coaster of emotions, i realize that as i talk about my life, i do so without it even truly being started yet. When I think of how I've gone through so much in so little relative time, I can't help but smile in anticipation of the pains and pleasures i will go through. Life isn't so bad. Who would have thought?

Yeah. It's days like this that truly help me realize that life everything it's cracked up to be, and I can't wait until i question that again, because that is when my life means something. Bring on the lonely nights, it'll just make the days with those who mean so much to me that much more complete.