Intro Post and Question

[thaddeusdagan]

Hi, all! I'm Tad. I'm 33 years old, born female and married to a straight man. I've only very recently admitted to and started to deal with a gender dysphoria that's been present at least since I was a teenager and which has been much worse for the past three years or so. I'm not sure if I'm genderqueer, bigendered or FtM, and am in the process

Comments

advice is difficult to give but here's my story

[anonymous]

Hi Tad,
Your story sounds a lot like mine 27 years ago when I was still married to the love of my life but struggling enormously to be happy. I managed to continue that lifestyle for over 10 years. In the end it appeared that there is simply no way around your feelings.
Finally I decided I had nothing to loose when my husband told me that he would probably leave me in the end if I would stay miserable as I was. It was getting too difficult for him too.
I started on hormones and my life changed very quick, as if it had been waiting to be freed. It was such a positive experience to feel alive and real that it helped me cope with the separation from my husband. This happened over 27 years ago and my new life has brought me nothing but a happy feeling of being myself. I remember that people around me accepted automatically the new me (they said I looked natural) and I still meet my ex sometimes on parties. I would not for one moment want to go back to the former situation I was in. I'm a succesful and happy and balanced person now, turning 60 in a few years time.
I hope you manage to find the right path for yourself.
Best wishes

Re: advice is difficult to give but here's my story

[thaddeusdagan]

Thank you for this. It's very good to know that others have struggled through similar situations and emerged on the other side happy and whole. Especially since it seems you made a lot of the same choices and decisions that I did.

After much soul-searching and trying different things, I realised that I am male, not genderqueer, and that I couldn't continue with my life the way it was. Once I made that decision, things fell into place with a speed and ease that was (and is) astonishing. I came out to everyone in May and have been living full time since. I started hormones in early July, and just yesterday changed the gender marker on my driver's license, probably the most important part of legal transition for my day-to-day life. This was possible because even the laws changed in my favour shortly after I decided to transition. I'm planning on changing my name as soon as I have the money to do so, and will be changing the gender on my birth certificate at the same time. The only part of transition that didn't fall into my lap like the universe had just been waiting for me to wake up and smell the coffee is surgery, and that's because finances are a huge struggle right now - but they are for pretty much everyone at the moment.

My husband and I are still together, but we're taking it a day at a time. We're closer and happier now than we have been in years, but he just isn't attracted to male bodies. And so, as changes continue and surgeries happen, that part of our relationship will probably fall away. But I know we will still be good friends and family to each other, and for right now we're happy with what we have.

So thank you again. You're right about how much better life is once you're free to really be yourself. I'm glad you have had a great 27 years so far, and I hope I do, too.