(no subject)
Hey, I'm Rinna (I also go by Rin) and I'm sixteen years old. I don't know whether or not that invalidates me; I still have a lot to learn about myself. Still, I've been feeling for years that there are days when I just can't be female, though my body dictates it. I want boyish hands. I want a flat(ter) chest. I want thinner lips.
Then again, I don't want to change my body. I am how I am. It's how I was made, and I think I'm okay with that. I know how I want to look; I'm not planning on letting anyone see my bits, ever, so I don't see the need to transition, for myself.
And, still, there are some days when I want to have smooth legs and red lips and slender hands and breasts. I want to wear skirts; I want to parade around and be happy with myself, rather than wearing knee-length shorts and hiding what little chest I do have under sweaters and t-shirts.
Up until very recently, I didn't know what I wanted. I was waffling between ignoring my thoughts and referring to myself only as female, and calling myself male. I realized, though, that I think I know what I want. I don't want to 'be' either male or female; I want to be both. I want to... be. Being a boy comes more strongly for me, more naturally, and I can 'pass' as one just fine (I get mistaken for a boy even when I'm not trying), and being a girl is what I'm used to... There's a lot for me to think about, isn't there?
But, I'm learning.
Then again, I don't want to change my body. I am how I am. It's how I was made, and I think I'm okay with that. I know how I want to look; I'm not planning on letting anyone see my bits, ever, so I don't see the need to transition, for myself.
And, still, there are some days when I want to have smooth legs and red lips and slender hands and breasts. I want to wear skirts; I want to parade around and be happy with myself, rather than wearing knee-length shorts and hiding what little chest I do have under sweaters and t-shirts.
Up until very recently, I didn't know what I wanted. I was waffling between ignoring my thoughts and referring to myself only as female, and calling myself male. I realized, though, that I think I know what I want. I don't want to 'be' either male or female; I want to be both. I want to... be. Being a boy comes more strongly for me, more naturally, and I can 'pass' as one just fine (I get mistaken for a boy even when I'm not trying), and being a girl is what I'm used to... There's a lot for me to think about, isn't there?
But, I'm learning.