i believe its that time of the month... for a rant
So, tonight i guess i had what you say is a revolation. I dont want school to end. Thats were my friends are, thats were I can be successful. I know that when summer comes, it will be like last summer. i wont see any of them, or talk to any of them for 3 whole months.
I dont want it to be like last summer, or even worse, the summer before that. But i guess for that i need to be more social. And i'm not a social person. i mean, if you look back in time to when i was little, i just always liked being alone. I dont know if that comes with being an only child, or ALWAYS living on streets were there were no other children besides myself, but i've always just been by myself. ive raised myself for the most part (dad wasnt there, and when he was, he wasnt a good dad, and my mom was always at work, or school, i didnt have grandparents anywere close by or aunts and uncles), ive learned to do things on my own. I dont know, its weird. ive changed alot from then, but im still the same way for the most part. I guess im just a hermit. Dont getr me wrong, I love going out and being with people, and sometimes i just hating being alone, but i relize that im always alone, and i get over it. maybe i was just meant to be alone. i dont know anymore. i dont know anything anymore.
For example, today, i went to get my hair straighted and stuff like i do every 2 or 3 weeks, and she didnt do my hair like she usally does. and i t bugs me, and i know i should say something, but i cant. im too scared. i cant be honest with people, but i cant lie either. so i just sat there, with a look on my face saying "what the fuck are you doing to my hair?!?" And once we got outside i told my mom that i hate when she does that. and what was her reply "well, you know, shes not gonna do it how you want if you dont tell her." of all people, my mother should know that im not the tpe of person that does that. maybe its because my parents are the type of people that just say whats on there mind, well their daughter, who was always alone didnt learn how to be that way.
today I miss shelby. she brought me out of my shell. i just wish i had her here. someone to be with my when im lonely. someone i can teach about music and take to shows, and not worry about whether or not she likes them, or knows them, but that im there with her, and shes there with me.
i need a friend
i need a new start
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
I dont want it to be like last summer, or even worse, the summer before that. But i guess for that i need to be more social. And i'm not a social person. i mean, if you look back in time to when i was little, i just always liked being alone. I dont know if that comes with being an only child, or ALWAYS living on streets were there were no other children besides myself, but i've always just been by myself. ive raised myself for the most part (dad wasnt there, and when he was, he wasnt a good dad, and my mom was always at work, or school, i didnt have grandparents anywere close by or aunts and uncles), ive learned to do things on my own. I dont know, its weird. ive changed alot from then, but im still the same way for the most part. I guess im just a hermit. Dont getr me wrong, I love going out and being with people, and sometimes i just hating being alone, but i relize that im always alone, and i get over it. maybe i was just meant to be alone. i dont know anymore. i dont know anything anymore.
For example, today, i went to get my hair straighted and stuff like i do every 2 or 3 weeks, and she didnt do my hair like she usally does. and i t bugs me, and i know i should say something, but i cant. im too scared. i cant be honest with people, but i cant lie either. so i just sat there, with a look on my face saying "what the fuck are you doing to my hair?!?" And once we got outside i told my mom that i hate when she does that. and what was her reply "well, you know, shes not gonna do it how you want if you dont tell her." of all people, my mother should know that im not the tpe of person that does that. maybe its because my parents are the type of people that just say whats on there mind, well their daughter, who was always alone didnt learn how to be that way.
today I miss shelby. she brought me out of my shell. i just wish i had her here. someone to be with my when im lonely. someone i can teach about music and take to shows, and not worry about whether or not she likes them, or knows them, but that im there with her, and shes there with me.
i need a friend
i need a new start
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?