12 - 14 January 2006
Whoohoo! I'm on the same page. That means I have less than 20 to catch up on! (except for that other batch I skipped last time I went AWOL) and with this one I'll have done 3 on the front page so really that's only 17!
...Everyone wrote short fics in Jan & Feb, right?
And then once again I have been so busy I couldn't even get online (except to reread Black Story OMFG), but the march of sshp_prophet soldiered on and now I have 63542894 editions to catch up on. But you know what? It's hella cool actually, because it means I will NEVER run out of fic to read. Must suck to be an obscure fandom / pairing fan. /mock sympathy
What Is Past Is Prologue (R) by sev1970 Rec ish
Post HBP
Harry stumbles upon a dying and magicless Snape in Godric's Hollow, and for motivations not clear to me at least, sticks his tongue in Snape's arse. Unfortunately the author decided to both overtell why Harry returned to Godric's Hollow, and neglected to enlighten us as to just why in the hell Harry decided rimming is a good cure for hyperthermia. Other than that I was somewhat drawn in by the story that wasn't told: why Voldemort took Snape's magic, why the house managed to retain baby furniture but lost all blankets and just how on earth Harry thinks he's going to pull of a relationship with a wanted murderer. Maybe that's for part two.
Inappropriate (NC-17) by swtalmnd Under-18 Rec +
HBP
Hidden deep in the back of my mind I've long harbored the idea that Snape's constant harassment of Harry really is a twisted equivalent of Gilbert Blythe calling Anne Shirley "Carrots". Of course Snape would see this, he's far too sneaky not too, making this deliciously inevitable and heartbreaking for the future we know is coming. It's well paced and desperate, you can feel it oozing through Snape, and even have sympathy for this one monstrous failure that, unlike his other failing appears beyond his iron control.
Dirty Dirty Boys (NC-17) by miz_tyrious Under-18 Rec - , PP/PA
Hogwarts
The dialogue feels off to me. But then again it starts as a Hogwarts (third year maybe?) spanking fic so obviously allowances into AU need to be made. The adjectives feel off too, but I've never been a fan of "rampant little cocks" or "burgeoning bollucks". This is BDSM by numbers, appearing to be more rape than anything else and not particularly original in plot nor "twist". I was glad to see Snape take a potion for virility. It's often puzzled me why fanfic about a potions master limit themselves to interesting scented lube.
Clemency (NC-17) by djin7 Rec ish, HOT, BackExp
Post War
It's funny the things that turn us off, isn't it? I've read twincest and chan without batting an eye, and yet somehow Harry cheating on his doting and pregnant wife bothers me. The format of this also bothers me somewhat - it seems like the more interesting story: Potter agreeing to punish Snape & discovering he is sexually aroused by the proceedings, and by a man - was glossed over in favor of yet another spank whip fuck story.
On the other hand it is a hot spank whip fuck story.
The Morning After (NC-17) by irisgirl Rec, HOT
Post War
This is a sequel to The Splinching of Severus Snape, which I reviewed here. It's wonderful when something like this happens, you read something with an original spark and wish there was more... And then abracadabra... a sequel! This doesn't have the wacky originality of the first part, but it's a nice close to the emotional set up.
Best Laid Plans 2 (NC-17) by Sandy and Jade meh. I'm done joining yahell groups for fic. If it's anywhere else, I'll review it, but until then: NEXT!
Live or Die (R) by sev0109 mentions of DM/SS Rec -, back exp. cliché, OSS, semi unwarned character death (because it will give it away!)
Post War
So it starts with back-story exposition, has two lines of dialogue and then moves into a flashback. Italicized flashbacks no less. It then moves to a convoluted plot (Harry saw Draco and Snape Kissing! He's devastated! No, REALLY devastated) ripped straight from the pages of Sweet Valley High. Well, early SVH before the twins started getting mixed up with mafia witness protection families or getting lost in the Big Apple.
But anyway back to the emo disaster of this fic. What's the best way to deal with being devastated? Why cutting yourself, of course! Seriously though - best advice for the author: either write Harry when he was a 14 year old (girl) or try and explore more adult reactions to disappointment. Trust your readers to know the canon and the fanon enough so that the excessive exposition is unnecessary. And for god sakes turn off the whiney gothboy music already.
Fixed (PG-13) by bloodredend MPreg
Sequel to damaged. I'm debating whether I want to read a 60k word mpreg. I probably will, but I need a bottle glass of wine first
Curses Feigned (NC17) by splitpea Rec - - ish, PP/PA
This story boldly begins by announcing that it was not beta read. Not perhaps the most auspicious start. It's a shame as well because the story would improve with a good beta polish. Among other problems, a big hunk of part one has been dropped into part two creating a rather weird time warp right in the middle of the sex scene. Unfortunately I also haven't been able to read part three as snarry.net decided to be difficult. Is this archived anywhere else? I checked her LJ (ai! redandgreen insanity! make it stop!) and googled - no luck...
OK I managed to get on again long enough to load part three. I'm pretty sure large pieces of this are missing - it literally skips from Snape tongue fucking Harry to an order meeting to Snape casually mentioning marriage. That no beta decision? Bad one.
EDIT The author was kind enough to send me a link to an unjumbled version: at snape_potter:
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Rec -, OSS
I find some of the dialogue jarringly out of character - so much so that I wondered if the writer wasn't trying her hand at crackfic as I doubt even an Imperious curse could compel Snape to utter the word "wow". However I did enjoy part of the wacky comedy-of-error conversations, even if they weren't words or phrases I could imagine coming out of either of their mouths. Snape is a secretive, selfish bastard. He's quite likely to be motivated by jealousy (as the author suggests) however he probably would rather be drawn and quartered before he'd admit to such a thing.
Another area to be careful: adjectives. Not only are they over used (hence the PP/PA warning) but do try and think about what you are actually writing. I doubt, for example, an asshole actually blushes (unless we're talking about my ex, and even then I doubt it as he would have to understand the concept of shame).
Finally The timing needs work. There are weird segways and omitted scenes that are not helping the story. Nothing fatal, and nothing a beta read and a rewrite couldn't fix. With a bit of work this could be a sweet romantic fic and maybe a rec.
...Everyone wrote short fics in Jan & Feb, right?
And then once again I have been so busy I couldn't even get online (except to reread Black Story OMFG), but the march of sshp_prophet soldiered on and now I have 63542894 editions to catch up on. But you know what? It's hella cool actually, because it means I will NEVER run out of fic to read. Must suck to be an obscure fandom / pairing fan. /mock sympathy
What Is Past Is Prologue (R) by sev1970 Rec ish
Post HBP
Harry stumbles upon a dying and magicless Snape in Godric's Hollow, and for motivations not clear to me at least, sticks his tongue in Snape's arse. Unfortunately the author decided to both overtell why Harry returned to Godric's Hollow, and neglected to enlighten us as to just why in the hell Harry decided rimming is a good cure for hyperthermia. Other than that I was somewhat drawn in by the story that wasn't told: why Voldemort took Snape's magic, why the house managed to retain baby furniture but lost all blankets and just how on earth Harry thinks he's going to pull of a relationship with a wanted murderer. Maybe that's for part two.
Inappropriate (NC-17) by swtalmnd Under-18 Rec +
HBP
Hidden deep in the back of my mind I've long harbored the idea that Snape's constant harassment of Harry really is a twisted equivalent of Gilbert Blythe calling Anne Shirley "Carrots". Of course Snape would see this, he's far too sneaky not too, making this deliciously inevitable and heartbreaking for the future we know is coming. It's well paced and desperate, you can feel it oozing through Snape, and even have sympathy for this one monstrous failure that, unlike his other failing appears beyond his iron control.
Dirty Dirty Boys (NC-17) by miz_tyrious Under-18 Rec - , PP/PA
Hogwarts
The dialogue feels off to me. But then again it starts as a Hogwarts (third year maybe?) spanking fic so obviously allowances into AU need to be made. The adjectives feel off too, but I've never been a fan of "rampant little cocks" or "burgeoning bollucks". This is BDSM by numbers, appearing to be more rape than anything else and not particularly original in plot nor "twist". I was glad to see Snape take a potion for virility. It's often puzzled me why fanfic about a potions master limit themselves to interesting scented lube.
Clemency (NC-17) by djin7 Rec ish, HOT, BackExp
Post War
It's funny the things that turn us off, isn't it? I've read twincest and chan without batting an eye, and yet somehow Harry cheating on his doting and pregnant wife bothers me. The format of this also bothers me somewhat - it seems like the more interesting story: Potter agreeing to punish Snape & discovering he is sexually aroused by the proceedings, and by a man - was glossed over in favor of yet another spank whip fuck story.
On the other hand it is a hot spank whip fuck story.
The Morning After (NC-17) by irisgirl Rec, HOT
Post War
This is a sequel to The Splinching of Severus Snape, which I reviewed here. It's wonderful when something like this happens, you read something with an original spark and wish there was more... And then abracadabra... a sequel! This doesn't have the wacky originality of the first part, but it's a nice close to the emotional set up.
Best Laid Plans 2 (NC-17) by Sandy and Jade meh. I'm done joining yahell groups for fic. If it's anywhere else, I'll review it, but until then: NEXT!
Live or Die (R) by sev0109 mentions of DM/SS Rec -, back exp. cliché, OSS, semi unwarned character death (because it will give it away!)
Post War
So it starts with back-story exposition, has two lines of dialogue and then moves into a flashback. Italicized flashbacks no less. It then moves to a convoluted plot (Harry saw Draco and Snape Kissing! He's devastated! No, REALLY devastated) ripped straight from the pages of Sweet Valley High. Well, early SVH before the twins started getting mixed up with mafia witness protection families or getting lost in the Big Apple.
But anyway back to the emo disaster of this fic. What's the best way to deal with being devastated? Why cutting yourself, of course! Seriously though - best advice for the author: either write Harry when he was a 14 year old (girl) or try and explore more adult reactions to disappointment. Trust your readers to know the canon and the fanon enough so that the excessive exposition is unnecessary. And for god sakes turn off the whiney gothboy music already.
Fixed (PG-13) by bloodredend MPreg
Sequel to damaged. I'm debating whether I want to read a 60k word mpreg. I probably will, but I need a bottle glass of wine first
Curses Feigned (NC17) by splitpea Rec - - ish, PP/PA
This story boldly begins by announcing that it was not beta read. Not perhaps the most auspicious start. It's a shame as well because the story would improve with a good beta polish. Among other problems, a big hunk of part one has been dropped into part two creating a rather weird time warp right in the middle of the sex scene. Unfortunately I also haven't been able to read part three as snarry.net decided to be difficult. Is this archived anywhere else? I checked her LJ (ai! redandgreen insanity! make it stop!) and googled - no luck...
OK I managed to get on again long enough to load part three. I'm pretty sure large pieces of this are missing - it literally skips from Snape tongue fucking Harry to an order meeting to Snape casually mentioning marriage. That no beta decision? Bad one.
EDIT The author was kind enough to send me a link to an unjumbled version: at snape_potter:
One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Rec -, OSS
I find some of the dialogue jarringly out of character - so much so that I wondered if the writer wasn't trying her hand at crackfic as I doubt even an Imperious curse could compel Snape to utter the word "wow". However I did enjoy part of the wacky comedy-of-error conversations, even if they weren't words or phrases I could imagine coming out of either of their mouths. Snape is a secretive, selfish bastard. He's quite likely to be motivated by jealousy (as the author suggests) however he probably would rather be drawn and quartered before he'd admit to such a thing.
Another area to be careful: adjectives. Not only are they over used (hence the PP/PA warning) but do try and think about what you are actually writing. I doubt, for example, an asshole actually blushes (unless we're talking about my ex, and even then I doubt it as he would have to understand the concept of shame).
Finally The timing needs work. There are weird segways and omitted scenes that are not helping the story. Nothing fatal, and nothing a beta read and a rewrite couldn't fix. With a bit of work this could be a sweet romantic fic and maybe a rec.