week of angst, I blame it on whoremones once again
Well much is to be said about the start of college.
Dorm life is great, good roomie, Im excercising (gasp) and eating well (lack of surprise sound[pffft]).
School is not too hard or easy, like a warm porridge not exciting.
Mostly the thing I am struggling with is my own visceral need for boy excitement. I am disgusted with myself. I should be content with being single. No, time commitment, freedom to explore opportunities without guilt, more 'me' time. But my stupid whore mones make me want to find a cuddle buddy.
Solution should be simple right? Just pick a guy and let go from there. Trouble is, Im picky and have difficult conditions.
The AGREEMENT:
1) no sex
2) I understand that any possible friendship will be dissolved during this alleged relationship
3) I understand that she will eventually either really start to like me and get depressed or decide to cut off benefits without notice
What am I talking about? I dont think I would ever require someone to sign a silly thing like this. In fact I think I am just experiencing some fleeting cravings and eventually if I stop predicting how things will turn out they will take care of themselves.
I guess I just expect myself to have better control over my girlish yearnings, but oh well I am only a human in prime reproductive years. I guess I should be more patient with myself and less fearful of commitment or complications from pseudo-non-commitment-relationship.
Dorm life is great, good roomie, Im excercising (gasp) and eating well (lack of surprise sound[pffft]).
School is not too hard or easy, like a warm porridge not exciting.
Mostly the thing I am struggling with is my own visceral need for boy excitement. I am disgusted with myself. I should be content with being single. No, time commitment, freedom to explore opportunities without guilt, more 'me' time. But my stupid whore mones make me want to find a cuddle buddy.
Solution should be simple right? Just pick a guy and let go from there. Trouble is, Im picky and have difficult conditions.
The AGREEMENT:
1) no sex
2) I understand that any possible friendship will be dissolved during this alleged relationship
3) I understand that she will eventually either really start to like me and get depressed or decide to cut off benefits without notice
What am I talking about? I dont think I would ever require someone to sign a silly thing like this. In fact I think I am just experiencing some fleeting cravings and eventually if I stop predicting how things will turn out they will take care of themselves.
I guess I just expect myself to have better control over my girlish yearnings, but oh well I am only a human in prime reproductive years. I guess I should be more patient with myself and less fearful of commitment or complications from pseudo-non-commitment-relationship.