Who should be doing their homework right now?
I should, but it can wait. It's Spanish, and I love it, but I just don't feel like doing it right now. To be completely honest, I haven't felt like doing much of anything the past 5 days or so. They haven't exactly been sunshine and rainbows, but I'm trying.
It's not easy to go from being ok to hitting rock bottom and having to pick yourself up off the ground all over again. Every time it happens, I think to myself, "This really sucks. I never want to feel like this again," but every now and again, I find myself in the same position, and the only thing I can do is pick up all the pieces of myself and work on putting them back together.
I've done a tremendous amount of soul-searching the past 3 weeks or so, and I've realized that I'm not the same person I was when I graduated. Hell, I'm not the same person I was 2 days ago. The truth of the matter is that every person has something that they'd like to change about themselves, but never do so because they never feel the need to. I feel the need to change.
The first time I was ever accused of being "too nice" was in 9th grade. Up until that point, I never thought anything of it. I'm generally nice to everyone, and some people choose to treat me with the same warmth and compassion, while others don't. It never bothered me because I just assumed that's the way it was. Once you're branded as being "too nice to a fault," it changes your perspective on everything. It's no big secret: People take advantage of me and walk all over me all the time. As I've gotten older, I've dealt with it less and less from certain people, but still take it nonetheless, because that's the way it has been for 18 years. I'm hoping to find the happy medium between being "too nice to a fault" and a "heartless bitch." When I get there, I'll let you know.
All of my life, I've always had to deal with an inner turmoil that exists within me. I worry too much, care too often, and love too deeply. I swallow my words, hold back my tears, and build a wall around my heart. I snap too easily, speak too harshly, and regret too frequently. I compromise time and again, forgive indefinitely, and forget on occasion. I try too hard, fail repeatedly, and fall apart recurrently. I laugh too little, frown regularly, and drive myself crazy effortlessly. It's never-ending.
Love and friendship go hand-in-hand and seem to complicate everything. It's so much easier to walk away when you convince yourself that no reason to stay is a good reason to go. It's so much harder to stay when your heart is breaking and there's nothing you can do about it. It's so much easier to let someone go when it's for the best, and so much harder to deal with the aftermath when you add love and friendship to the equation.
Instead of driving myself crazy to figure out what to do, I'm choosing to do nothing. Now I have to stick with it.
Until next time...
* "Sit down and please make yourself comfortable. I might need some time to dance around what I need to say: 'I love you to death. I think I need a break'" -- Alkaline Trio, Hating Every Minute
It's not easy to go from being ok to hitting rock bottom and having to pick yourself up off the ground all over again. Every time it happens, I think to myself, "This really sucks. I never want to feel like this again," but every now and again, I find myself in the same position, and the only thing I can do is pick up all the pieces of myself and work on putting them back together.
I've done a tremendous amount of soul-searching the past 3 weeks or so, and I've realized that I'm not the same person I was when I graduated. Hell, I'm not the same person I was 2 days ago. The truth of the matter is that every person has something that they'd like to change about themselves, but never do so because they never feel the need to. I feel the need to change.
The first time I was ever accused of being "too nice" was in 9th grade. Up until that point, I never thought anything of it. I'm generally nice to everyone, and some people choose to treat me with the same warmth and compassion, while others don't. It never bothered me because I just assumed that's the way it was. Once you're branded as being "too nice to a fault," it changes your perspective on everything. It's no big secret: People take advantage of me and walk all over me all the time. As I've gotten older, I've dealt with it less and less from certain people, but still take it nonetheless, because that's the way it has been for 18 years. I'm hoping to find the happy medium between being "too nice to a fault" and a "heartless bitch." When I get there, I'll let you know.
All of my life, I've always had to deal with an inner turmoil that exists within me. I worry too much, care too often, and love too deeply. I swallow my words, hold back my tears, and build a wall around my heart. I snap too easily, speak too harshly, and regret too frequently. I compromise time and again, forgive indefinitely, and forget on occasion. I try too hard, fail repeatedly, and fall apart recurrently. I laugh too little, frown regularly, and drive myself crazy effortlessly. It's never-ending.
Love and friendship go hand-in-hand and seem to complicate everything. It's so much easier to walk away when you convince yourself that no reason to stay is a good reason to go. It's so much harder to stay when your heart is breaking and there's nothing you can do about it. It's so much easier to let someone go when it's for the best, and so much harder to deal with the aftermath when you add love and friendship to the equation.
Instead of driving myself crazy to figure out what to do, I'm choosing to do nothing. Now I have to stick with it.
Until next time...
* "Sit down and please make yourself comfortable. I might need some time to dance around what I need to say: 'I love you to death. I think I need a break'" -- Alkaline Trio, Hating Every Minute