i realized i never know how to start off a journal entry
this is long but it's happy. so take a moment to embrace the fact that i'm writing something truly happy for once.
yesterday rob, molly and myself went to this comedian/inspirational speaker lady at the ARC. at first, i really did dread being there because, i'm lazy and didn't feel like being somewhere. especially there. she seemed rude when she was just standing around waiting to go on but once she went on, i don't even know. i got inspired somehow and was pretty sure that it ended that night. maybe i was wrong. but maybe i was right. as for right now, i'm wrong.
today i woke up just the same as everyday. well, sort of. instead of going back to bed after i woke up at 7:20 and going to breakfast, i got dressed, sat in bed and wrote in the journal i probably should be writing in more. and i don't even know what i really wrote right now but it sparked something for today.
i walked back from kennedy (across campus) and took a long, slow walk, thinking and enjoying what was there. today just made me realize shit. well not really. you know, like when you KNOW something but you always forget. because it's so true and so right but you're just so young that you just don't find the time to deal with it. because you have your whole life infront of you to learn and live out this.
i think i'm realizing the most important thing in life is to be honest with yourself and with everyone around you. but not brutally honest. unfortunately, that means using your judgement. and who the fuck wants to do that right now? i'm so not in the habit of doing so. another important whatever in life is to just love who you have in your life. when i think about when the end will be or what if tomorrow doesn't happen, i think of all the people i take for granted and all the people i'd like to tell how much they mean to me. or just how much i should appreciate them. or how much i don't appreciate them. how many people have i NOT told i love? probably too many to name. i don't tell anyone i love them except my mother and laurie. and usually it's prompted out of me. the other thing i've realized and way too often forget is that forgiveness is good. it's good to say to someone you've hurt that, I'm sorry. and it's good to say to yourself, i'm sorry. and forgive what wrong has been done to you and what wrong you've done to others, especially yourself. there are so many people i haven't said "I'm sorry" to. there are so many people i'd like to go back and tell them that in a moment of whatever it may have been, that i didn't use rational, good judgement. ugh, to APOLOGIZE for being a heartless person. for ANYTHING.
the only last thing i can really think of is to slow down and enjoy life no matter how much it fucking blows sometimes. something as simple as a cold winter day can be the most enjoyable thing ever if you let it be. as hard as it is to be happy in something so "stupid" as that, all of us should at sometime or another. just breathe. just slow down and take a minute and feel what's happening around you. don't even think about it. just do it. just enjoy the people you have and enjoy, embrace, love what the future has to hold.
granted, everyone will not hold up this optimistic view on anything forever but some of the time is good enough.
i feel happy for the first time in awhile.
yesterday rob, molly and myself went to this comedian/inspirational speaker lady at the ARC. at first, i really did dread being there because, i'm lazy and didn't feel like being somewhere. especially there. she seemed rude when she was just standing around waiting to go on but once she went on, i don't even know. i got inspired somehow and was pretty sure that it ended that night. maybe i was wrong. but maybe i was right. as for right now, i'm wrong.
today i woke up just the same as everyday. well, sort of. instead of going back to bed after i woke up at 7:20 and going to breakfast, i got dressed, sat in bed and wrote in the journal i probably should be writing in more. and i don't even know what i really wrote right now but it sparked something for today.
i walked back from kennedy (across campus) and took a long, slow walk, thinking and enjoying what was there. today just made me realize shit. well not really. you know, like when you KNOW something but you always forget. because it's so true and so right but you're just so young that you just don't find the time to deal with it. because you have your whole life infront of you to learn and live out this.
i think i'm realizing the most important thing in life is to be honest with yourself and with everyone around you. but not brutally honest. unfortunately, that means using your judgement. and who the fuck wants to do that right now? i'm so not in the habit of doing so. another important whatever in life is to just love who you have in your life. when i think about when the end will be or what if tomorrow doesn't happen, i think of all the people i take for granted and all the people i'd like to tell how much they mean to me. or just how much i should appreciate them. or how much i don't appreciate them. how many people have i NOT told i love? probably too many to name. i don't tell anyone i love them except my mother and laurie. and usually it's prompted out of me. the other thing i've realized and way too often forget is that forgiveness is good. it's good to say to someone you've hurt that, I'm sorry. and it's good to say to yourself, i'm sorry. and forgive what wrong has been done to you and what wrong you've done to others, especially yourself. there are so many people i haven't said "I'm sorry" to. there are so many people i'd like to go back and tell them that in a moment of whatever it may have been, that i didn't use rational, good judgement. ugh, to APOLOGIZE for being a heartless person. for ANYTHING.
the only last thing i can really think of is to slow down and enjoy life no matter how much it fucking blows sometimes. something as simple as a cold winter day can be the most enjoyable thing ever if you let it be. as hard as it is to be happy in something so "stupid" as that, all of us should at sometime or another. just breathe. just slow down and take a minute and feel what's happening around you. don't even think about it. just do it. just enjoy the people you have and enjoy, embrace, love what the future has to hold.
granted, everyone will not hold up this optimistic view on anything forever but some of the time is good enough.
i feel happy for the first time in awhile.