The Papers Were Full of In-un-do
Dear Meghanne:
Thank you ever so much for your inquiry; I am afraid, however, that all of our open positions have been filled. It might be worth your time, if you are interested in working at bookstores, to check the independent bookstores in the area, for there are many; we, however, are not one: we are a gift store.
Your email, as you might have ascertained, however, afforded me this simple gratification: I am at liberty to use colons and semi-colons wheresoever I please without fear of arousing trepidation and concern about what these little punctuation marks are; nowadays, it seems that their main purpose in life is to serve as portions of emoticons: ;-); :-); etc.
I also feel free to use my sixty-four cent works, suspecting that you are not one to absquatulate from polysyllabic nor arcane words, of which I know many; nor are you one to eschew those who might circumlocute in a pseudo-legaleeze fashion, albeit using words that one mightn't see in common parlance, inasmuch as the modern vernacular is for wimps who haven't the wherewithal to acquire a more piquant vocabulary.
I happen to share your enthusiasm for Book 3; but, find myself ever growing fonder of Book 7; nonetheless, I wish you good luck in your job search; I am certain your optimism will bring you good fortune.
Best wishes,
Pseudo-EclecticJob Boss
What a horrid response! Was I being mocked? I had written:
To whom it may concern:
I hope this position is still available. While your location is a bit of a commute for me, I am desperately seeking a bookstore job and your shop sounds perfect.
In case it is still open I have attached my resume and I will, of course, answer your queries. If not, please overlook this colossal waste of your time.
-On a 1-10 scale, I flatter myself that I am an 11 at gift-wrapping.
-I have read (obsessively) the Harry Potter series. My favorite of all is Prisoner of Azkaban, based pretty much solely on the level of awesome theretofore unreached by any professor at Hogwarts. Remus Lupin is probably my favorite of all the characters. There is a lot to be said about his attitude with regard to the series and from a philosophical point of view.
-If I could do anything at all when I grow up, I would own and rehab the drive-in theatre where I worked during high school.
-Why am I great? I am optimistic: even though the posting is dated nearly a month ago, I have hope that I and my perfect bookstore job will one day meet. I hope this is it. Also, I know how to effectively use colons and semicolons.
Thank you for your time,
Meghanne Phillips
NEWS TICKER:
MEGHANNE: "I Hurt All Over!" ... Classes Less Exciting Than Hoped for ... Roach in Apartment: Are There More Hiding behind the Fridge? ... Who Ate All the Cookies: Sources Say "Probably Me" ... Barely Lucid Meghanne Living in Total Squalor ...
Otherwise, I am going to be taking a trip home next weekend. I need badly to see my mother. And my optometrist. Why will my eyes and my emotions never just plateau?
Thank you ever so much for your inquiry; I am afraid, however, that all of our open positions have been filled. It might be worth your time, if you are interested in working at bookstores, to check the independent bookstores in the area, for there are many; we, however, are not one: we are a gift store.
Your email, as you might have ascertained, however, afforded me this simple gratification: I am at liberty to use colons and semi-colons wheresoever I please without fear of arousing trepidation and concern about what these little punctuation marks are; nowadays, it seems that their main purpose in life is to serve as portions of emoticons: ;-); :-); etc.
I also feel free to use my sixty-four cent works, suspecting that you are not one to absquatulate from polysyllabic nor arcane words, of which I know many; nor are you one to eschew those who might circumlocute in a pseudo-legaleeze fashion, albeit using words that one mightn't see in common parlance, inasmuch as the modern vernacular is for wimps who haven't the wherewithal to acquire a more piquant vocabulary.
I happen to share your enthusiasm for Book 3; but, find myself ever growing fonder of Book 7; nonetheless, I wish you good luck in your job search; I am certain your optimism will bring you good fortune.
Best wishes,
Pseudo-EclecticJob Boss
What a horrid response! Was I being mocked? I had written:
To whom it may concern:
I hope this position is still available. While your location is a bit of a commute for me, I am desperately seeking a bookstore job and your shop sounds perfect.
In case it is still open I have attached my resume and I will, of course, answer your queries. If not, please overlook this colossal waste of your time.
-On a 1-10 scale, I flatter myself that I am an 11 at gift-wrapping.
-I have read (obsessively) the Harry Potter series. My favorite of all is Prisoner of Azkaban, based pretty much solely on the level of awesome theretofore unreached by any professor at Hogwarts. Remus Lupin is probably my favorite of all the characters. There is a lot to be said about his attitude with regard to the series and from a philosophical point of view.
-If I could do anything at all when I grow up, I would own and rehab the drive-in theatre where I worked during high school.
-Why am I great? I am optimistic: even though the posting is dated nearly a month ago, I have hope that I and my perfect bookstore job will one day meet. I hope this is it. Also, I know how to effectively use colons and semicolons.
Thank you for your time,
Meghanne Phillips
NEWS TICKER:
MEGHANNE: "I Hurt All Over!" ... Classes Less Exciting Than Hoped for ... Roach in Apartment: Are There More Hiding behind the Fridge? ... Who Ate All the Cookies: Sources Say "Probably Me" ... Barely Lucid Meghanne Living in Total Squalor ...
Otherwise, I am going to be taking a trip home next weekend. I need badly to see my mother. And my optometrist. Why will my eyes and my emotions never just plateau?