Beckham is coming to America
Below is a rant written by some limey about David Beckham coming to America to play Futbol. It is some funny shit.
...I've seen the future.
I can see his debut now. A packed Home Improvement (or whatever) stadium full of big foam hands, banners and those caps that hold two cans of Bud that are naff (but everyone secretly wishes they had one), a fly past from a squadron of F-18's from the Top Gun Aviation school in California and the Rolling Stones wheeled out for a 15 minute gig with Mick wearing a Galaxy shirt with Beckham on the back shouting he loves LA and changing some lyrics to include Becks.
Then the teams appear, except that Galaxy have only got 10 men. Becks is missing. People gasp, the crowd goes silent. Then that annoying music that they play during basketball games starts playing and there's a speck in the sky. Is it a bird?, is it a plane? No, it's Dave Beckham on a mobile jetpack flying in like the guy at the 84 Olympics opening ceremony. He does a couple of loop the loops and lands to the intro of Springsteen's "Born in the USA". The crowd go wild.
Then his new best mate Tom Cruise walks on with a pair of gold football boots that Adidas have created specially for this occasion and presents them to Dave. The Cruiser will then retake his seat next to Posh, P Diddy, Brad and Angelina, Robbie Williams, Rod Stewart and Gary Neville.
Dave will then take a ceremonial free kick from 30 yards over a wall that is the Jackson 5 (Michael in the middle) and the ball will magically curl up and over the Jackson 5 and into the top corner. Then the goal will split in half like in the opening ceremony for USA 94. Then James Brown's "Living in America" will boom over the loudspeaker.
When everyone and everything has left the pitch, it's game time. Dave will take an early heavy touch resulting in a Columbus Crew midfield hardman two footing him and forcing him to be stretchered off on a hover board. Boos ring out, the crowd leaves.
Soccer in America is over.
Simon Fitzwilliams, Cambridge
...I've seen the future.
I can see his debut now. A packed Home Improvement (or whatever) stadium full of big foam hands, banners and those caps that hold two cans of Bud that are naff (but everyone secretly wishes they had one), a fly past from a squadron of F-18's from the Top Gun Aviation school in California and the Rolling Stones wheeled out for a 15 minute gig with Mick wearing a Galaxy shirt with Beckham on the back shouting he loves LA and changing some lyrics to include Becks.
Then the teams appear, except that Galaxy have only got 10 men. Becks is missing. People gasp, the crowd goes silent. Then that annoying music that they play during basketball games starts playing and there's a speck in the sky. Is it a bird?, is it a plane? No, it's Dave Beckham on a mobile jetpack flying in like the guy at the 84 Olympics opening ceremony. He does a couple of loop the loops and lands to the intro of Springsteen's "Born in the USA". The crowd go wild.
Then his new best mate Tom Cruise walks on with a pair of gold football boots that Adidas have created specially for this occasion and presents them to Dave. The Cruiser will then retake his seat next to Posh, P Diddy, Brad and Angelina, Robbie Williams, Rod Stewart and Gary Neville.
Dave will then take a ceremonial free kick from 30 yards over a wall that is the Jackson 5 (Michael in the middle) and the ball will magically curl up and over the Jackson 5 and into the top corner. Then the goal will split in half like in the opening ceremony for USA 94. Then James Brown's "Living in America" will boom over the loudspeaker.
When everyone and everything has left the pitch, it's game time. Dave will take an early heavy touch resulting in a Columbus Crew midfield hardman two footing him and forcing him to be stretchered off on a hover board. Boos ring out, the crowd leaves.
Soccer in America is over.
Simon Fitzwilliams, Cambridge