Attention: Women. Do not go near me.

[ottothunderr]

I am both a registered sex offender and huge pervert. I am a furry. I wear wolf, dragon, and unicorn shirts. I have fetishes for the following: armpits, the backs of knees, leather shoes, pudding, and down jackets. I like to throw tennis balls at sex partners. I have over seven nipples. I masturbate when I cry. I am not vegan. I am a musician. I am afraid of the mail man. I become physically sick at the thought of Mary Tyler Moore and Bob Newheart hugging. I will ignore any attempts to catch my attention, but will stand in line to be rejected. Used french fry oil allures me in an odd fashion. I like boomerangs a little too much. I can't stand being touched on my shoulder or upper arm.

So there. Stay back.