Could be a rant, could be PMS, but its just venting.
From what I can tell, a person's perspective will always be skewed because they're looking through their own lens. They may be able to see a greater picture, but the world doesn't give someone anything but a person's own perspective to view things from. When you try to step out from behind your own lens and see 'the greater picture', you get so far away from not only your own issues, but everyone else's, that the little things that are the causes for the greater issue get so lost that its not possible to solve the greater issue anymore. Even more so, there isn't a lens big enough in the universe to accurately view the whole picture and see all the interconnecting bits. You have to look at things from your own perspective and try to put the pieces together on your own and sometimes with the help of friends.
One example that is pretty popularly observed right now is school. When you're in school, that IS your world. You live it and breathe it every day, and the things that go on there are the most important things to you, because they're you're everyday life. When an outsider tries to look at someone in this situation from their own perspective, everything looks so petty and shallow, and often times as a result, the ones in that microcosm are judged along those lines as a result.
Its the same with people living their everyday lives in any environment, really. Personal life, work life, married life… No matter the microcosm, no matter how important or potentially life-changing your circumstances are to your life and where it is going and how you are going to live it, someone else will always judge you negatively because they think that their issues are so much more important. And let's be honest, you do the same thing.
That's one reason why we have friends: to gain a better perspective on things, and to help each other get through them. We open up our microcosm as much as we can, which is often very little in the grand scheme of things, but it helps that we have more people to lean on and be leaned on by. It also helps that these people can help put us in our place when we need it, as well as calm us down considerably when something throws us off kilter.
However, when we build these support networks, its important to remember that the other people in it are not telepathic. Nor may they always see clearly what you are going through because of what they are going through. Something may have arisen in their lives that is tainting their view a bit more than normal. It is for this reason that we all must constantly communicate so that we know when to temper ourselves or offer extra support. We may not realize we're in a similar situation too and that instead of leaning more on each other, we fight and argue.
Everyone's individual problems have ramifications that may not apply to someone else in as dramatic of a way, or even have any impact on them at all, and so may seem trivial. But telling someone that their issue is far less significant than your own is foolhardy and can cause more damage to a friendship than one might realize. We should approach with the intent of helping, and if the person says they just need some space right now, then give it to them. The respect you get in return will gain you far more in your friendship than trying to trivialize their problems because you can only see your own and your need for them to help you with it.
Does it hurt? Sure it hurts, but its a very minor thing when you consider the benefits. With practice, though, this sort of approach can become habit and not painful at all, and will make your friendships stronger in the long run. It will also help your friends to learn to do the same thing as time goes on, and that is something that gets passed on many times over. And that affects the big picture far more than just zooming out so far that everything gets lost.
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One more thing... it is even worse to make comparisons. It is in our nature to try to diminish the problems of one person by comparing them to a person who has a different set of problems:
"So you're going through this... its not as bad as what Person X is going through, you should be glad of that!"
This is a horrible approach. Not only is it demeaning to the person being spoken to, but its even more demeaning to the Person X. It is condescending and insulting to Person X, and it makes them look like a charity case to be pitied. Furthermore, because everyone's circumstances are different, there is no such thing as a direct comparison. Not only are circumstances different, but different personalities and one's personal abilities to deal with one thing better than another are in play. Bear this in mind when trying to offer some comfort to those who come to you to lean on, and when you are leaning on others as well. It can really make a difference.
One example that is pretty popularly observed right now is school. When you're in school, that IS your world. You live it and breathe it every day, and the things that go on there are the most important things to you, because they're you're everyday life. When an outsider tries to look at someone in this situation from their own perspective, everything looks so petty and shallow, and often times as a result, the ones in that microcosm are judged along those lines as a result.
Its the same with people living their everyday lives in any environment, really. Personal life, work life, married life… No matter the microcosm, no matter how important or potentially life-changing your circumstances are to your life and where it is going and how you are going to live it, someone else will always judge you negatively because they think that their issues are so much more important. And let's be honest, you do the same thing.
That's one reason why we have friends: to gain a better perspective on things, and to help each other get through them. We open up our microcosm as much as we can, which is often very little in the grand scheme of things, but it helps that we have more people to lean on and be leaned on by. It also helps that these people can help put us in our place when we need it, as well as calm us down considerably when something throws us off kilter.
However, when we build these support networks, its important to remember that the other people in it are not telepathic. Nor may they always see clearly what you are going through because of what they are going through. Something may have arisen in their lives that is tainting their view a bit more than normal. It is for this reason that we all must constantly communicate so that we know when to temper ourselves or offer extra support. We may not realize we're in a similar situation too and that instead of leaning more on each other, we fight and argue.
Everyone's individual problems have ramifications that may not apply to someone else in as dramatic of a way, or even have any impact on them at all, and so may seem trivial. But telling someone that their issue is far less significant than your own is foolhardy and can cause more damage to a friendship than one might realize. We should approach with the intent of helping, and if the person says they just need some space right now, then give it to them. The respect you get in return will gain you far more in your friendship than trying to trivialize their problems because you can only see your own and your need for them to help you with it.
Does it hurt? Sure it hurts, but its a very minor thing when you consider the benefits. With practice, though, this sort of approach can become habit and not painful at all, and will make your friendships stronger in the long run. It will also help your friends to learn to do the same thing as time goes on, and that is something that gets passed on many times over. And that affects the big picture far more than just zooming out so far that everything gets lost.
---
One more thing... it is even worse to make comparisons. It is in our nature to try to diminish the problems of one person by comparing them to a person who has a different set of problems:
"So you're going through this... its not as bad as what Person X is going through, you should be glad of that!"
This is a horrible approach. Not only is it demeaning to the person being spoken to, but its even more demeaning to the Person X. It is condescending and insulting to Person X, and it makes them look like a charity case to be pitied. Furthermore, because everyone's circumstances are different, there is no such thing as a direct comparison. Not only are circumstances different, but different personalities and one's personal abilities to deal with one thing better than another are in play. Bear this in mind when trying to offer some comfort to those who come to you to lean on, and when you are leaning on others as well. It can really make a difference.