Challenges
This entry is likely to be very long and rambling, I'm mostly just trying to get it out of my head as a therapeutic measure.
The last week has been very challenging. Monday saw me in to the doctor again, suffering from debilitating insomnia. He put me back on 10 mg Prozac in the mornings, and said to double my nighttime trazadone to 100 mg. I slept okay on the double dose, but the daytime dizziness was crippling. So, I cut it back starting Thursday to one tablet again. He also refilled a small quantity of the Xanax, but encouraged me to avoid taking them as much as possible. I think I've only used 2 or 3 this whole week.
In addition to the prescription meds, I have been using essential oils. My sister in law sent me some samples of things that helped her and my mother in law let me raid her collection of doterra oils. I love the Balance blend to help combat those anxious feelings. And the samples included Copaiba and serenity capsules, as well as a relaxing blend she mixed up just for me of Pettitgrain, cedar wood, and lemon.
Each night, a half hour before bed, I take 1 trazadone, 1 Copaiba capsule, and 1 serenity capsule. I also put a drop or two of the balance blend and some additional Copaiba oil on the soles of my feet and use the relaxing blend on my neck.
But I don't stop there! About an hour before bed I go sit in the hot tub. I repeat cognitive therapy affirmations while I soak. Things like:
I am in control of my thought processes.
I have nothing to feel anxious about.
I am going to get sleepy and fall asleep easily.
I am only going to wake when necessary to roll over or go pee, and then I will be able to fall back asleep easily.
I am going to sleep well tonight and wake refreshed.
I am going to get better...maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I will get better.
Bill makes sure the tv is off when I come back in from the tub, and I avoid all screens. No Facebook, no tablet games, no phone other than pulling up my sleep music. Bill also found a set of sleep headphones for me that sit flat in a headband so I can sleep with them on. He even brought in our spare twin mattress and we set it up in our closet room Thursday evening so I can sleep without any noises or cats stomping on me. I have a noisy fan going, there's no light pollution in there, and the door closes to make me a little sleeping isolation chamber.
During the day, I make a point to get out in the sunshine, get some bright light therapy. I also started a meditation routine of ten minutes a day of guided meditation. I do that meditation either late morning or mid-afternoon, whenever the anxiety is noticeable. I try not to nap during the day to help the sleep pressure build, and get up and go to bed at the same time every day/night. If I'm too awake during the night, I get up, go out to the living room, and read some cartoon anthologies until I'm sleepy again. I listen to guided sleep meditations when I need a little help getting to or back to sleep, and set my phone to automatically switch over to sleep music with rain sounds when the meditation program ends.
Food has been another issue. My appetite is very low, and often food just tastes horrible. Eating is just too much work sometimes. Also, I've had a persistent uncomfortable pinching sensation in a spot just below my rib on the right side. I've had intermittent diarrhea and constipation despite taking probiotics, and adding triple probiotic protein powder to my smoothies. The anxiety likes to make my stomach all tight and shaky, so I've been keeping a pillow close to hug to my stomach. And the burping! I've never burped so much in my life. I've really taken to almost rejoicing when food tastes good, and eating as much as my shrunken tummy will allow when it does.
The fatigue waxes and wanes along with my sleep quality. After five days in the truck with Bill, my fatigue had started to back off in my arms, but multiple nights of insomnia set me back to pretty much the beginning again. I have difficulty walking unaided and have to have a stool in the kitchen. I tend to crawl on the living room floor between my recliner and the puzzle table and couch because walking is too difficult. I have to limit my time working on a puzzle because my arms are so weak. Even typing this entry had to be done over a couple of hours so I could rest and collect my thoughts. My concentration is definitely messed up by the insomnia too.
I was sure I had things all figured out with the isolation sleeping room and great sleep hygiene and habits, I was surprised to have insomnia last night. I had slept well Thursday, then poorly Friday night, but I chalked that up to the long half life of the extra trazadones earlier in the week resolving. I slept well Saturday night, and thought I had turned the corner. But instead, last night I had a tough time falling asleep, and spent a chunk of the night wide awake, out on the couch. The weirdest thoughts kept intruding on my sleep, jolting me awake every time I would start to drift off. I have never had insomnia like that before this illness struck me down. of course, I researched this and it seems to be a symptom of anxiety.
Who wouldn't be anxious when their body has seemingly gone on strike?
The last week has been very challenging. Monday saw me in to the doctor again, suffering from debilitating insomnia. He put me back on 10 mg Prozac in the mornings, and said to double my nighttime trazadone to 100 mg. I slept okay on the double dose, but the daytime dizziness was crippling. So, I cut it back starting Thursday to one tablet again. He also refilled a small quantity of the Xanax, but encouraged me to avoid taking them as much as possible. I think I've only used 2 or 3 this whole week.
In addition to the prescription meds, I have been using essential oils. My sister in law sent me some samples of things that helped her and my mother in law let me raid her collection of doterra oils. I love the Balance blend to help combat those anxious feelings. And the samples included Copaiba and serenity capsules, as well as a relaxing blend she mixed up just for me of Pettitgrain, cedar wood, and lemon.
Each night, a half hour before bed, I take 1 trazadone, 1 Copaiba capsule, and 1 serenity capsule. I also put a drop or two of the balance blend and some additional Copaiba oil on the soles of my feet and use the relaxing blend on my neck.
But I don't stop there! About an hour before bed I go sit in the hot tub. I repeat cognitive therapy affirmations while I soak. Things like:
I am in control of my thought processes.
I have nothing to feel anxious about.
I am going to get sleepy and fall asleep easily.
I am only going to wake when necessary to roll over or go pee, and then I will be able to fall back asleep easily.
I am going to sleep well tonight and wake refreshed.
I am going to get better...maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I will get better.
Bill makes sure the tv is off when I come back in from the tub, and I avoid all screens. No Facebook, no tablet games, no phone other than pulling up my sleep music. Bill also found a set of sleep headphones for me that sit flat in a headband so I can sleep with them on. He even brought in our spare twin mattress and we set it up in our closet room Thursday evening so I can sleep without any noises or cats stomping on me. I have a noisy fan going, there's no light pollution in there, and the door closes to make me a little sleeping isolation chamber.
During the day, I make a point to get out in the sunshine, get some bright light therapy. I also started a meditation routine of ten minutes a day of guided meditation. I do that meditation either late morning or mid-afternoon, whenever the anxiety is noticeable. I try not to nap during the day to help the sleep pressure build, and get up and go to bed at the same time every day/night. If I'm too awake during the night, I get up, go out to the living room, and read some cartoon anthologies until I'm sleepy again. I listen to guided sleep meditations when I need a little help getting to or back to sleep, and set my phone to automatically switch over to sleep music with rain sounds when the meditation program ends.
Food has been another issue. My appetite is very low, and often food just tastes horrible. Eating is just too much work sometimes. Also, I've had a persistent uncomfortable pinching sensation in a spot just below my rib on the right side. I've had intermittent diarrhea and constipation despite taking probiotics, and adding triple probiotic protein powder to my smoothies. The anxiety likes to make my stomach all tight and shaky, so I've been keeping a pillow close to hug to my stomach. And the burping! I've never burped so much in my life. I've really taken to almost rejoicing when food tastes good, and eating as much as my shrunken tummy will allow when it does.
The fatigue waxes and wanes along with my sleep quality. After five days in the truck with Bill, my fatigue had started to back off in my arms, but multiple nights of insomnia set me back to pretty much the beginning again. I have difficulty walking unaided and have to have a stool in the kitchen. I tend to crawl on the living room floor between my recliner and the puzzle table and couch because walking is too difficult. I have to limit my time working on a puzzle because my arms are so weak. Even typing this entry had to be done over a couple of hours so I could rest and collect my thoughts. My concentration is definitely messed up by the insomnia too.
I was sure I had things all figured out with the isolation sleeping room and great sleep hygiene and habits, I was surprised to have insomnia last night. I had slept well Thursday, then poorly Friday night, but I chalked that up to the long half life of the extra trazadones earlier in the week resolving. I slept well Saturday night, and thought I had turned the corner. But instead, last night I had a tough time falling asleep, and spent a chunk of the night wide awake, out on the couch. The weirdest thoughts kept intruding on my sleep, jolting me awake every time I would start to drift off. I have never had insomnia like that before this illness struck me down. of course, I researched this and it seems to be a symptom of anxiety.
Who wouldn't be anxious when their body has seemingly gone on strike?