TERRIFIC THIRD TRY: The Jack for Larb!
Title: Man and Wife
Author: HamburgerJack
Recipients Name: Larbling
Rating: XD lol A, for Akutsu
Pairing: Chichutsu!
Disclaimer: Only one man owns prince of tennis.
Warnings: A very different story was going on and then I go stuck and then I got angry, but then I said, hey, BREATHE. And so, there’s this. No need to get heavy and epic. YET.
Rin was surprised to see Chinen and stood up when he came over. He gave him a hug and rubbed his back.
“I’m so glad to see you! Finally escape?”
Chinen gave him a look. “What do you mean?”
“You’re the invisible man these days.” Kai said, sliding a menu over to the space where he’d be sitting.
“That’s not true, I see you guys at school -.”
“For about point five seconds.” Rin sat back down, tossing hair over. “So, what’s married life like? Enjoy being the wife?”
“You mean the bitch?” Kai took a drink out of his tall beer.
Chinen frowned. “I’m not the… wife.”
They both laughed at him and Chinen opened his menu. “Least I have… someone.”
Rin cackled. “That is SO great! That is so great! Who’d you learn that from?”
Kai knew if at all possible Chinen would turn as red as his hair. “Leave him alone or he’ll go Frankenstein on us, then he won’t talk at all.”
Chinen leaned back in his chair. “I’m not the wife.”
****
****
When Chinen got home, he was in a good mood, if not tired. He never laughed so hard in his life, watching Kai do drunk karaoke. He couldn’t really sing and Rin couldn’t really dance and when the latter fell down off the table in the booth, none of them could even stop cracking up to finish the song or help Rin off the floor.
It felt really good to go out again.
He started to reach for the lights when they came on for him. He was greeted by a scowl and an empty pot, which was shoved at him.
“I’m hungry!”
“Why didn’t you make your own food?”
There was a tiny Rin voice in his head asking him what he was doing, but Chinen found himself going over to the sink and filling the pot with water.
“I want noodles.” the man said, hopping up to sit on the cabinet. “You bring me something?”
Chinen mouth turned down slightly. “No.”
“Not even left overs?”
“I ate them all. Get your ass off the counter.”
The man hopped off and went to the fridge. “I’m almost out of beer.”
“State of emergency.”
The man looped his arm around Chinen’s neck, the grip tightening as he pressed the cold bottle, cap first, to his temple like a gun.
“Damn straight! Now go buy me some beer!”
“Akutsu.” Chinen said, warning. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t elbow him off. He’d done that once. The result wasn’t good.
They didn’t have a coffee table because Akutsu had punched him, then Chinen had thrown him and then the neighbors complained and then Akutsu wanted to shout obscenities out of the window and he’d gotten a splinter in his foot…
“Let. Go.”
“Make me.” Akutsu purred in his ear.
Chinen reached out and set the pot on the stove easily, Akutsu muttering that he was a freak and opened the beer, his one arm still around Chinen’s neck. He was pressed right against him and as Chinen turned his head, just a bit, his lips brushed Akutsu’s forehead.
“AUGH!” the man skittered away immediately, wiping his forehead. “NO HOMO!”
Chinen rolled his eyes and went to get some ingredients.
“KISS YOUR OWN FOREHEAD!”
Chinen gave him an affectionate look. “But Anata -.”
“NO HOMO!!!!” Akutsu raged, disappearing into the other room.
Chinen began to prepare dinner, which would just be noodles with vegetables in it (there was no meat) and could hear Akutsu coming up behind him. The man put him in a headlock again, bending him back a bit.
“I really am out of beer.” Akutsu said.
“You’ll have to wait.”
“I’m really thirsty.”
“I’ll make you some tea.”
“…I hate tea.”
“Wa.ter.”
“…you really are evil.”
Akutsu let him go and was about to escape again, but Chinen turned and quickly caught him, gripping him by the back of his neck and pulling him close. He kissed him once, long and hard, then let go, his attention back on dinner.
“I said no HOMO!”
Chinen looked over his shoulder, knife in hand. What did he think this was anyway?
“I also want -.”
“Popcorn.” Chinen finished.
“And -.”
“Popsicles.”
“And -.”
“Fruit juice. Anything else?”
“Yes, I don’t like onions.” Akutsu was back over his shoulder. “Are those onions.”
“They’re good for you.”
Akutsu licked his cheek. “Thanks OKINAWA!” and shoved him, disappearing into the other room.
Chinen shook his head and continued to chop. Rin was wrong.
He wasn’t a “wife”.
He was a “mother”.
“I CAN’T FIND THE REMOTE!”
“It’s near the -.”
There was a crash and Chinen sighed.
“FOUND IT!”
~OWARI~
“I don’t understand why your house is like this. …Hiroshi, your room was never like this at home!”
Chinen smoothed down the handkerchief that was on his head. “I was just getting it Mom.”
“But there’s weeks of filth here!” she looked at him with a sad look in her eyes. “What’s happened? Is he being mean to you?”
“Mom, it’s not like that. I just only get to clean once a week and with school -.”
“Well what is he doing? I didn’t raise you to be someone’s slave!”
The front door opened and slammed, the sound of keys chinking against a countertop let Chinen know someone else was indeed, “home”.
“HEY, OKINAWA!”
“Who calls someone that?” his mother said, narrowing her eyes.
Akutsu strolled into the bedroom, about to strip off his leather jacket when he almost ran into Chinen’s mother. He shrugged the jacket back on, not that it was helping much, he wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath. He looked at Chinen and back to his mother.
“…you like ‘em old Okinawa?”
Chinen smacked his hand across his eyes and Chinen’s mother put her hands on her hips.
“Excuse me?”
Outside of the confines and comfort of her home, Chinen’s mother looked like a regular mother. She worked as a translator and even wore suits and skirts, but inside their home she had a flair for the dramatic (to be kind) that had become the slight bane of Chinen’s childhood and why Kite would never sleep over and why Rin still maintained their house was haunted.
“Akutsu, this is my MOTHER.”
“Oh. ‘Sup baby.”
Chinen’s mother looked at her son, then back to Akutsu, then back to her son. “You moved out for this?”
“He’s -.”
“He can’t even comb his hair properly, he’s a yankee, look at that! Is that an earring?”
“Mom…”
“Come home! Your brother misses you, your sisters miss you! I miss you!”
“HEY!” Akutsu interrupted. “You’re not taking away my property!”
“My son is not property!”
“He was LAST NIGHT!”
Chinen pulled the handkerchief off his head to hide his face. God…
“This isn’t the end of this!” his mother said. “You wait!”
She began to walk out, Chinen starting to follow. “Mom, Mom come back -.”
“Let that bitch go man.” he scratched the back of his neck and looked at Chinen’s apron. “…you uh… getting’ dressed up for me or something?”
Chinen frowned and shoved Akutsu’s face away, the handkerchief covering it.
“Just asking! You know it’d be HOT!” Akutsu leaned out of the bedroom, Chinen’s going towards the kitchen. “HOT LIKE FIRE!”
Later, Chinen spiced the soup, Akutsu scratching his leg as he laid out in front of the television. They’d had a couch once, but… it got destroyed.
There was a knock at the door and Chinen answered, wiping his hands on his apron. “Hell -Mom?”
She shoved her son out of the way, pointing at Akutsu who lazily looked over his shoulder. Dressed in kimono and red hakama, Chinen’s mother produced a Yari from seemingly no where, spinning the spear once and taking a stance.
“GIVE BACK MY SON!”
“Are you CRAZY!” Akutsu jumped up and Chinen’s mother charged, the young man grabbing his mother before she could even near the delinquent.
“Mom.”
“What?”
“…Mom.”
“Fine.” she dropped the spear and crossed her arms.
“Nice make up by the way.”
The woman pressed her hands to her cheeks. “Ah, it’s just some eye make-up!”
“I didn’t think you still had this costume!”
“Yes, I found this spear in your Grandfather’s closet!”
“Time to go home.”
She looked at him with puppy eyes and he patted her back, leading her towards the door. “Next time, just invite him for dinner.”
“Or a Samurai showdown!”
“Okay. Bye.”
“I love you Honey!” she gave him a kiss on the cheek then left, but not before looking over her shoulder at Akutsu. She pointed to her eyes, then to his.
“I’m watching you boy!”
“Mom!”
“Bye~!”
Chinen closed the door after her, Akutsu carefully edging towards the spear and poking it with his foot.
“Be careful.” Chinen took it, spinning it once. “This is real.”
“REAL!?”
“Dinner’s almost done, do you -.”
“You’re Mother is CRAZY!”
“She’s not crazy, she’s just dramatic.”
“She could have stabbed me!”
“Aren’t you supposed to be tough?”
“I’m in my pajamas!” Akutsu sat back down, then sprawled out in front of the tv again.
He scratched his leg. “Crazy bitch… can’t just barge up in a man’s home while he’s in his pajamas…”
Chinen laughed and went to get the bowls for the soup.
Author: HamburgerJack
Recipients Name: Larbling
Rating: XD lol A, for Akutsu
Pairing: Chichutsu!
Disclaimer: Only one man owns prince of tennis.
Warnings: A very different story was going on and then I go stuck and then I got angry, but then I said, hey, BREATHE. And so, there’s this. No need to get heavy and epic. YET.
Rin was surprised to see Chinen and stood up when he came over. He gave him a hug and rubbed his back.
“I’m so glad to see you! Finally escape?”
Chinen gave him a look. “What do you mean?”
“You’re the invisible man these days.” Kai said, sliding a menu over to the space where he’d be sitting.
“That’s not true, I see you guys at school -.”
“For about point five seconds.” Rin sat back down, tossing hair over. “So, what’s married life like? Enjoy being the wife?”
“You mean the bitch?” Kai took a drink out of his tall beer.
Chinen frowned. “I’m not the… wife.”
They both laughed at him and Chinen opened his menu. “Least I have… someone.”
Rin cackled. “That is SO great! That is so great! Who’d you learn that from?”
Kai knew if at all possible Chinen would turn as red as his hair. “Leave him alone or he’ll go Frankenstein on us, then he won’t talk at all.”
Chinen leaned back in his chair. “I’m not the wife.”
****
****
When Chinen got home, he was in a good mood, if not tired. He never laughed so hard in his life, watching Kai do drunk karaoke. He couldn’t really sing and Rin couldn’t really dance and when the latter fell down off the table in the booth, none of them could even stop cracking up to finish the song or help Rin off the floor.
It felt really good to go out again.
He started to reach for the lights when they came on for him. He was greeted by a scowl and an empty pot, which was shoved at him.
“I’m hungry!”
“Why didn’t you make your own food?”
There was a tiny Rin voice in his head asking him what he was doing, but Chinen found himself going over to the sink and filling the pot with water.
“I want noodles.” the man said, hopping up to sit on the cabinet. “You bring me something?”
Chinen mouth turned down slightly. “No.”
“Not even left overs?”
“I ate them all. Get your ass off the counter.”
The man hopped off and went to the fridge. “I’m almost out of beer.”
“State of emergency.”
The man looped his arm around Chinen’s neck, the grip tightening as he pressed the cold bottle, cap first, to his temple like a gun.
“Damn straight! Now go buy me some beer!”
“Akutsu.” Chinen said, warning. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t elbow him off. He’d done that once. The result wasn’t good.
They didn’t have a coffee table because Akutsu had punched him, then Chinen had thrown him and then the neighbors complained and then Akutsu wanted to shout obscenities out of the window and he’d gotten a splinter in his foot…
“Let. Go.”
“Make me.” Akutsu purred in his ear.
Chinen reached out and set the pot on the stove easily, Akutsu muttering that he was a freak and opened the beer, his one arm still around Chinen’s neck. He was pressed right against him and as Chinen turned his head, just a bit, his lips brushed Akutsu’s forehead.
“AUGH!” the man skittered away immediately, wiping his forehead. “NO HOMO!”
Chinen rolled his eyes and went to get some ingredients.
“KISS YOUR OWN FOREHEAD!”
Chinen gave him an affectionate look. “But Anata -.”
“NO HOMO!!!!” Akutsu raged, disappearing into the other room.
Chinen began to prepare dinner, which would just be noodles with vegetables in it (there was no meat) and could hear Akutsu coming up behind him. The man put him in a headlock again, bending him back a bit.
“I really am out of beer.” Akutsu said.
“You’ll have to wait.”
“I’m really thirsty.”
“I’ll make you some tea.”
“…I hate tea.”
“Wa.ter.”
“…you really are evil.”
Akutsu let him go and was about to escape again, but Chinen turned and quickly caught him, gripping him by the back of his neck and pulling him close. He kissed him once, long and hard, then let go, his attention back on dinner.
“I said no HOMO!”
Chinen looked over his shoulder, knife in hand. What did he think this was anyway?
“I also want -.”
“Popcorn.” Chinen finished.
“And -.”
“Popsicles.”
“And -.”
“Fruit juice. Anything else?”
“Yes, I don’t like onions.” Akutsu was back over his shoulder. “Are those onions.”
“They’re good for you.”
Akutsu licked his cheek. “Thanks OKINAWA!” and shoved him, disappearing into the other room.
Chinen shook his head and continued to chop. Rin was wrong.
He wasn’t a “wife”.
He was a “mother”.
“I CAN’T FIND THE REMOTE!”
“It’s near the -.”
There was a crash and Chinen sighed.
“FOUND IT!”
~OWARI~
“I don’t understand why your house is like this. …Hiroshi, your room was never like this at home!”
Chinen smoothed down the handkerchief that was on his head. “I was just getting it Mom.”
“But there’s weeks of filth here!” she looked at him with a sad look in her eyes. “What’s happened? Is he being mean to you?”
“Mom, it’s not like that. I just only get to clean once a week and with school -.”
“Well what is he doing? I didn’t raise you to be someone’s slave!”
The front door opened and slammed, the sound of keys chinking against a countertop let Chinen know someone else was indeed, “home”.
“HEY, OKINAWA!”
“Who calls someone that?” his mother said, narrowing her eyes.
Akutsu strolled into the bedroom, about to strip off his leather jacket when he almost ran into Chinen’s mother. He shrugged the jacket back on, not that it was helping much, he wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath. He looked at Chinen and back to his mother.
“…you like ‘em old Okinawa?”
Chinen smacked his hand across his eyes and Chinen’s mother put her hands on her hips.
“Excuse me?”
Outside of the confines and comfort of her home, Chinen’s mother looked like a regular mother. She worked as a translator and even wore suits and skirts, but inside their home she had a flair for the dramatic (to be kind) that had become the slight bane of Chinen’s childhood and why Kite would never sleep over and why Rin still maintained their house was haunted.
“Akutsu, this is my MOTHER.”
“Oh. ‘Sup baby.”
Chinen’s mother looked at her son, then back to Akutsu, then back to her son. “You moved out for this?”
“He’s -.”
“He can’t even comb his hair properly, he’s a yankee, look at that! Is that an earring?”
“Mom…”
“Come home! Your brother misses you, your sisters miss you! I miss you!”
“HEY!” Akutsu interrupted. “You’re not taking away my property!”
“My son is not property!”
“He was LAST NIGHT!”
Chinen pulled the handkerchief off his head to hide his face. God…
“This isn’t the end of this!” his mother said. “You wait!”
She began to walk out, Chinen starting to follow. “Mom, Mom come back -.”
“Let that bitch go man.” he scratched the back of his neck and looked at Chinen’s apron. “…you uh… getting’ dressed up for me or something?”
Chinen frowned and shoved Akutsu’s face away, the handkerchief covering it.
“Just asking! You know it’d be HOT!” Akutsu leaned out of the bedroom, Chinen’s going towards the kitchen. “HOT LIKE FIRE!”
Later, Chinen spiced the soup, Akutsu scratching his leg as he laid out in front of the television. They’d had a couch once, but… it got destroyed.
There was a knock at the door and Chinen answered, wiping his hands on his apron. “Hell -Mom?”
She shoved her son out of the way, pointing at Akutsu who lazily looked over his shoulder. Dressed in kimono and red hakama, Chinen’s mother produced a Yari from seemingly no where, spinning the spear once and taking a stance.
“GIVE BACK MY SON!”
“Are you CRAZY!” Akutsu jumped up and Chinen’s mother charged, the young man grabbing his mother before she could even near the delinquent.
“Mom.”
“What?”
“…Mom.”
“Fine.” she dropped the spear and crossed her arms.
“Nice make up by the way.”
The woman pressed her hands to her cheeks. “Ah, it’s just some eye make-up!”
“I didn’t think you still had this costume!”
“Yes, I found this spear in your Grandfather’s closet!”
“Time to go home.”
She looked at him with puppy eyes and he patted her back, leading her towards the door. “Next time, just invite him for dinner.”
“Or a Samurai showdown!”
“Okay. Bye.”
“I love you Honey!” she gave him a kiss on the cheek then left, but not before looking over her shoulder at Akutsu. She pointed to her eyes, then to his.
“I’m watching you boy!”
“Mom!”
“Bye~!”
Chinen closed the door after her, Akutsu carefully edging towards the spear and poking it with his foot.
“Be careful.” Chinen took it, spinning it once. “This is real.”
“REAL!?”
“Dinner’s almost done, do you -.”
“You’re Mother is CRAZY!”
“She’s not crazy, she’s just dramatic.”
“She could have stabbed me!”
“Aren’t you supposed to be tough?”
“I’m in my pajamas!” Akutsu sat back down, then sprawled out in front of the tv again.
He scratched his leg. “Crazy bitch… can’t just barge up in a man’s home while he’s in his pajamas…”
Chinen laughed and went to get the bowls for the soup.