Unexpected Destinies Chapter 192
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 3,593
Summary: Dean and Castiel take Lisa and Ben to the Vatican where Colonel Anrig makes a shocking observation.
PRESENT
A quick call to the Vatican had been all that it had taken to start putting Castiel's plan into motion and within two hours, Dean had already gotten a return call telling him that they were ready for Lisa, Ben and Milton to be brought to them. Colonel Anrig had been at the location himself and the guy's professionalism had really shown through when clown guy had hardly even raised an eyebrow upon seeing Milton's still unconscious body. Call him cowardly, but he'd been really glad when Lisa had decided that perhaps it would be best for everyone involved if Milton wasn't revived until they were at the safe house. Boy was he glad to not have to be present for that particular conversation.
The left over adrenaline from the fight had combined with the guilt that Dean felt over having exposed (however inadvertently) Lisa and Ben to this kind of danger, leaving him uncharacteristically shaken. It therefore took him far longer than normal to notice the change that had come over Colonel Anrig during their interactions. Clown guy had been splitting his attention between him and the Vatican's new charges while Dean had been biting his tongue not to ask where it was that they planned on hiding them. Though a part of him really wanted to know where Ben would be, he knew that it was best if he didn't. You could never be too careful when dealing with angels and Lucifer of all people wouldn't hesitate to use each and every last dirty trick in the book if the archangel could. So, yeah, he absolutely refused to allow himself to be used to further endanger anyone that he cared about.
Those thoughts had occupied so much of Dean's attention that at first he'd completely failed to notice the shift in Anrig's behavior. It wasn't massively obvious, but it still said a lot for his state of mind that he'd not spotted it immediately, especially since it seemed to directly pertain to him.
"What?" Dean asked the colonel bluntly, not feeling at all up to beating around the bush just now.
Anrig hesitated, glancing back at the others. "Your..."
"My what?"
"Your, uh, wedding ring."
Still confused for a moment, Dean glanced at his ring before his eyes snapped up to his husband. Ah, of course, clown guy would have spotted a little detail like that, it came with the job just like it did for him. Only he'd learned to stop commenting on most of what he noticed long ago as most people tended to think that it was 'sweet' or 'charming' that he had such an eye for detail and noticed what most guys missed or some such crap like that. He'd bet that if those other guys' lives depended on spotting the little things before they killed them that they'd be good at seeing them too.
"Yes?" Dean replied smoothly, not planning on giving clown guy an inch until the man verbally confirmed his suspicions.
He couldn't quite tell just yet how Colonel Anrig was taking all of this and Dean had no desire to hasten along a scene if that was what this would descend into. Besides, he could tell that he himself wasn't at his best just now and the last thing he wanted to do was bring up his bonding if that wasn't actually what clown guy was talking about at all here.
"It looks very similar to the ring that Castiel now suddenly wears."
How diplomatically put, Dean had to admire that. "That's because they're a matched set."
Dean almost didn't want to see how the colonel would react to the news as the last thing he wanted was to witness any kind of adverse reaction to the best thing that had ever happened to him. Given that Anrig was going to be directly responsible for Lisa and Ben's safety, though, he couldn't do anything else. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the way that Castiel's head snapped around to look at him as his worry spiked.
"He's noticed our rings," Dean explained.
There was no verbal reply, but Dean could sense the sudden tension and disapproval that his husband felt and it reminded him of just how strongly Castiel felt about this particular aspect of Christianity as practiced on Earth.
"A matched set," Colonel Anrig repeated slowly, as if to be sure that he'd gotten it right. "But they are marriage rin- Ah, some States allow it now."
A muscle in Dean's jaw tightened. "Yeah, some States do. Not that it matters as there is no official marriage license registered anywhere." That made clown guy react more visibly than what had come before, confusion and surprise blossoming across his face. "What Cas and I have goes so far beyond mere human marriage that it's not even funny. We've bonded, Colonel, as is the tradition among angels, his Grace to my soul, in a connection that nullifies the whole till death do us part thing as death has no effect whatsoever on the bond. We have the rings because Castiel knew what they meant to me and to signify our relationship to other humans. Angels have no equivalent as none can fail to see our bond."
It was a far longer speech than Dean had intended to give on the matter, but once he'd got going, he hadn't been able to stop. Perhaps it had been a reaction to how he knew most Vatican officials would take the news of his and Castiel's relationship, or perhaps it was because he was afraid that if he didn't get it all out now that he wouldn't have the chance to do so later. Either way it didn't really matter as he'd said it all now and he jutted his chin out and dared clown guy to say anything contrary to his face.
"Grace to soul?" Colonel Anrig finally managed to get out, shock and disbelief clearly evident.
"It's the angel way," Dean replied.
"But you're... he's..."
"Apparently God doesn't care about that. Oh and piece of advice? Nothing sets off Castiel faster than any hint of his Father hating anything or anyone. So don't, just don't."
"The Bible?"
It wasn't even a full sentence but then Dean didn't need it to be either. "Human interpretation of God's Will and Word. A not altogether very accurate one either from what Castiel and Michael have said."
This was all starting to be far too much for clown guy and Dean was more than happy to drop the subject temporarily, even if he wished that it could be permanently. The only thing was, he had to know how this would affect the Vatican's promised protection of Lisa and Ben.
"Are Cas and I going to have to take the Braedens somewhere else?" Dean asked.
"What?" Colonel Anrig questioned, shaking his head a little as if to clear it before an indignant expression crossed his face. "No!"
Dean immediately relaxed, easily able to recognize affronted pride when he saw it. Whatever else clown guy might think about what he'd just revealed to the man, Anrig took far too much pride in his work to do anything to jeopardize either it or his reputation when it came to being able to carry out his duties. Between that and the fact that he seriously doubted that even the pope would do anything rash considering that he had the angels at his back, he knew that leaving Lisa and Ben here with the Vatican's people was still the best thing to do.
/
That something had been bothering his hunter, Castiel had known for a few hours. Both the pensive expression on Dean's face and the churning emotions that he'd felt via their bond had been enough to alert him to that. What he hadn't quite been sure of was whether this was something fleeting or something more serious but he hadn't wished to pry with all of the others around, first at the Vatican and then downstairs as the day's events were explained to his bond mate's family who'd been concerned with Michael and Dean's rather abrupt disappearance this morning.
Now, however, they were alone and the fact that his bond mate had groomed the same section of his smallest left wing several times told Castiel that whatever was wrong, it wouldn't just go away on its own.
"Something is troubling you," Castiel stated, figuring that might be the best way to start and hoping that his beloved would feel comfortable enough in their bed to finally open up about what was bothering him.
"Hm?" Dean inquired abstractly before looking at him.
"You've been quiet and pensive all afternoon and evening."
Dean pulled a face but didn't deny it, which Castiel chose to take as a good sign. Besides, when it came to patience, he knew that he would always win. It was not a virtue that his bond mate possessed in any form of excess, though he had seen his human wait silently for hours when on a hunt.
"The first time that I met Ben, I thought he was mine," Dean said softly five or ten minutes later, finally stopping his repetitive grooming.
Although intrigued, part of Castiel wanted to tell his bond mate that he didn't need to talk about it as he could sense the turmoil that Dean now felt. At the same time, however, he knew that it was ultimately best for his hunter to discuss it. Besides, the fact that his bond mate was willing to do so with as little prompting as this was a massive improvement and he didn't want to do anything to impede that. Which was why he ruthlessly suppressed the flare of jealousy that he felt at the thought of why Dean might have thought that Ben was his. It was from a time before they had met and he really didn't begrudge his human his past relationships, such as they were. There was just something about Lisa that always managed to set him on edge. Since he hadn't wished to burden his bond mate with these emotions, he hadn't been able to untangle their meaning fully, but he strongly suspected that it was because of the way in which Lisa had hurt Dean.
"It was about eight years after the first time I'd met Lisa and Sam and I were in the area again," Dean continued. "This was also shortly after I'd made my deal."
The reference to that hated event caused a rush of emotions to flash through Castiel but he tried to suppress them, not wishing to disrupt Dean's story. The way his bond mate's eyes flashed up to meet his, though, told him that he'd not been fast enough. Instead of using the potential excuse to shift the topic to something perhaps less 'chick flicky,' it merely made his hunter shift carefully, so he lowered his wings through the mattress so Dean could move to lie on his side beside him, before he brought them up once more.
"I..." Dean began, bringing a hand up to rest on Castiel's chest. "I was still mostly in my denial phase at that point and was instead using the deal as an excuse to go wild and do whatever I wanted."
"So you decided to look her up," Castiel summarized when his bond mate hesitated.
"Yeah."
"And met Ben."
Dean laughed. "Imagine my surprise. Instead of finding Lisa as I remembered her, she was the mother of a kid about old enough to be mine and acting much as I did back then."
"So you thought he was yours."
"Yeah."
"He is not."
"I know. Lisa told me she'd had a type back then, so Ben's similarities to me were because she'd been drawn to me and Ben's father for the same reasons."
"Milton does not fit this... type."
"No kidding," Dean laughed. "He's practically the polar opposite of it."
It heartened Castiel how easily his bond mate was able to discuss Lisa's new boyfriend now. It proved that the pain of her actions had faded sufficiently to not bother his hunter too much. He flattered himself that he was the reason for that easy acceptance. The lack of hurt also allowed him to voice a question that had long been bothering him.
"I don't understand how she can be happy with him."
"People's choices and preferences change," Dean said, a smile curling his lips upwards as something sparked in his hunter's eyes. "You weren't exactly my normal type either, Cas."
"No, but you found someone better, she did not."
"Cas! Arrogant much?"
"Only if I were making that statement based on a view of myself compared to them, which I'm not. If you can give me the name of someone who's treated you right, as you deserved to be treated, I will retract my assertion," Castiel countered before he frowned. "But only the first part of it."
Dean's smile was gone now, Castiel saw, but he could tell from his bond mate's emotions that he hadn't said the wrong thing. Instead his hunter seemed to be thoughtful, back to the contemplative mood that Dean had been in earlier. It frustrated him a little as he still didn't think that he'd gotten to the real heart of his bond mate's thoughts and, correspondingly, he didn't know how to help his human. Failing that, he really did want to be able to understand it so he knew how best to support him. The problem was that Dean still didn't consider searching that out automatically for all issues yet.
"I'd say that I don't deserve you if I didn't know you'd take offense to that," Dean finally said. "Just, thanks, Cas. As for Lisa, everyone needs something different and maybe she just didn't realize what she needed until Milton came along. I definitely didn't until well after I met you."
"I still don't understand."
"I'm sure Sam's said the same thing about us on more than one occasion and I wouldn't be surprised if Bobby's not wondered as well. That's not what's important, the fact that it works is."
The inability to understand annoyed Castiel a little but it wasn't the first time that he had to simply accept that he wouldn't comprehend certain aspects of humanity. It bothered him more than usual, though, as normally it wasn't a facet of humanity or human behavior that was upsetting his bond mate and so was preventing him from fully understanding what was wrong or how he could help Dean.
"If that is not what is bothering you, then what is?" Castiel inquired.
Dean frowned at him. "What do you mean?"
"You're being extremely contemplative, it's not normal."
Instead of responding verbally, his bond mate made an affirmative noise in the back of his throat. Castiel frowned as his hunter's eyes went unfocused as Dean's thoughts deepened. Not wanting to startle his bond mate but still wanting to refocus Dean's attention on him, he brought his hand up and flattened it over his hunter's hand where Dean had absently been tracing random patterns on his chest. The tactic worked and his hunter's eyes refocused glancing at his hand before Dean looked back up at his eyes.
Castiel was doing his best to not start panicking as his bond mate clearly wasn't alarmed or even that worried, but it was difficult nonetheless as Dean's behavior was so peculiar. He was starting to understand what humans meant when they said that they could see someone's mind racing as it was clear that his bond mate was thinking carefully about something. Dean's nose twitched in a way that he found adorable and had noticed his bond mate doing before when concentrating deeply on something.
Then, just when Castiel thought that he couldn't simply wait patiently any longer, Dean seemed to come to a decision or conclusion. His bond mate relaxed, lowering himself to the mattress beside Castiel and snuggling up against him. He shifted his arm to allow his hunter to get comfortable and then wrapped his wings around Dean to keep him warm as the night cooled around them.
"What do you think of adoption, Cas?" Dean finally asked.
"Adoption?" Castiel repeated with a frown, not entirely sure what was meant with the word.
"Mm, it's when people, generally a couple, take in a child who either has no parents or whose parents didn't want them or were deemed unfit to take care of them."
"Why would a parent not want their child?"
"Beats me, but it happens."
"So this adoption is to make sure they have people who want them?"
"Yeah."
"Then it sounds like a good thing."
Castiel wished that he could see his bond mate's face as he felt that he was missing something. Why had Dean asked him about adoption? Why had his hunter been thinking of it? Was it because of what had happened to Lisa and Ben? Had his hunter been thinking of where Ben might have gone if Lisa had died? Surely Dean would have wanted to keep the boy safe himself?
Oh. Castiel suddenly thought that he might know why his bond mate was thinking of this now. It was a strange idea because, as an angel, he's never considered the notion of having children or of raising them. He wasn't sure what to make of it now, but one thing he did know was exactly how important family was to his bond mate and for humans the idea of family was almost inexorably linked with having children.
"How does the process work?" Castiel inquired, putting aside his own feelings to think about when his hunter had fallen asleep.
"I don't know exactly, but there's some kind of vetting process to check that the people would be good parents and can actually afford to raise a child."
The latter confused Castiel at first but then he thought about the food and clothing the child would need. Then there was also the fact that he had always observed that parents of very young children almost always had a lot of items with them or the unusual contraptions in which the little ones sat or slept.
Dean laughed bitterly. "As you can imagine, a hunter would probably be their worst nightmare. No steady job or income, not to mention the problems they'd have with the constant moving about and the danger."
"You were raised like this and became a good and righteous man."
"It's no way to raise a kid though. It was Mom's worst nightmare for Sam and me. Besides, we were constantly dodging CPS, uh, child protective services. Teachers or neighbors saw the bruises from the training or hunts and they thought the worst, calling CPS or the cops."
The emotions were flooding hard and fast over the bond now and Castiel could hardly keep up with identifying them, much less understanding why it was that his bond mate felt them. There were thoughts and emotions in there for John Winchester; love, anger, devotion, loss and a hint of recrimination. There were also lingering remnants of what his bond mate had felt earlier in the day; the panic and terror, the relief and guilt. Then on top of that were the emotions produced by their current topic of conversation itself, and those were far too tangled for him to fully unravel, but he could tell that there were both positive and negative emotions wound into the nexus along with an intense feeling of longing or desire. For what precisely he couldn't fully make out, not with what Dean had said earlier, about how a hunter's lifestyle was no way to raise a child. He was well aware that for his bond mate hunting was almost literally in his blood and, aside from the Apocalypse, was something that Dean actually quite enjoyed.
What Castiel couldn't fully understand was why this was all coming out now. Yes, he knew that seeing Ben once more might have triggered some underlying desire, but...
Realization came suddenly and it stunned Castiel momentarily. It explained everything, though. He simply hadn't recognized it for what it was as he hadn't been aware that Dean had reached that point yet. One of the things which he'd always hoped to help his bond mate become better at was thinking of what Dean wanted, both for himself and of his life. This was the first truly independent sign that he'd succeeded on some level. He only wished that it was with something that he could actually have granted his beloved.
Still, despite that Castiel was not going to let this opportunity slip by. The last thing that he wanted was for Dean shove his own desires aside again, just assuming that they weren't possible.
"Unless it's a child who's already aware of what's out there," Castiel said softly.
"What?"
"You said that it's no way to raise a kid, but if it's a child that has already been unfortunate enough to have firsthand experience with the evil that exists, then they may feel more comfortable with someone who knows enough to protect them, instead of dismissing their fears out of hand."
"I- I hadn't thought of that," Dean admitted. "Won't help a hunter pass the vetting process though."
To that, Castiel had no reply, but he hoped that the point that he had raised might make his bond mate seriously consider how he could have other things that Dean wanted but didn't necessarily need.
Chapter 193
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 3,593
Summary: Dean and Castiel take Lisa and Ben to the Vatican where Colonel Anrig makes a shocking observation.
PRESENT
A quick call to the Vatican had been all that it had taken to start putting Castiel's plan into motion and within two hours, Dean had already gotten a return call telling him that they were ready for Lisa, Ben and Milton to be brought to them. Colonel Anrig had been at the location himself and the guy's professionalism had really shown through when clown guy had hardly even raised an eyebrow upon seeing Milton's still unconscious body. Call him cowardly, but he'd been really glad when Lisa had decided that perhaps it would be best for everyone involved if Milton wasn't revived until they were at the safe house. Boy was he glad to not have to be present for that particular conversation.
The left over adrenaline from the fight had combined with the guilt that Dean felt over having exposed (however inadvertently) Lisa and Ben to this kind of danger, leaving him uncharacteristically shaken. It therefore took him far longer than normal to notice the change that had come over Colonel Anrig during their interactions. Clown guy had been splitting his attention between him and the Vatican's new charges while Dean had been biting his tongue not to ask where it was that they planned on hiding them. Though a part of him really wanted to know where Ben would be, he knew that it was best if he didn't. You could never be too careful when dealing with angels and Lucifer of all people wouldn't hesitate to use each and every last dirty trick in the book if the archangel could. So, yeah, he absolutely refused to allow himself to be used to further endanger anyone that he cared about.
Those thoughts had occupied so much of Dean's attention that at first he'd completely failed to notice the shift in Anrig's behavior. It wasn't massively obvious, but it still said a lot for his state of mind that he'd not spotted it immediately, especially since it seemed to directly pertain to him.
"What?" Dean asked the colonel bluntly, not feeling at all up to beating around the bush just now.
Anrig hesitated, glancing back at the others. "Your..."
"My what?"
"Your, uh, wedding ring."
Still confused for a moment, Dean glanced at his ring before his eyes snapped up to his husband. Ah, of course, clown guy would have spotted a little detail like that, it came with the job just like it did for him. Only he'd learned to stop commenting on most of what he noticed long ago as most people tended to think that it was 'sweet' or 'charming' that he had such an eye for detail and noticed what most guys missed or some such crap like that. He'd bet that if those other guys' lives depended on spotting the little things before they killed them that they'd be good at seeing them too.
"Yes?" Dean replied smoothly, not planning on giving clown guy an inch until the man verbally confirmed his suspicions.
He couldn't quite tell just yet how Colonel Anrig was taking all of this and Dean had no desire to hasten along a scene if that was what this would descend into. Besides, he could tell that he himself wasn't at his best just now and the last thing he wanted to do was bring up his bonding if that wasn't actually what clown guy was talking about at all here.
"It looks very similar to the ring that Castiel now suddenly wears."
How diplomatically put, Dean had to admire that. "That's because they're a matched set."
Dean almost didn't want to see how the colonel would react to the news as the last thing he wanted was to witness any kind of adverse reaction to the best thing that had ever happened to him. Given that Anrig was going to be directly responsible for Lisa and Ben's safety, though, he couldn't do anything else. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the way that Castiel's head snapped around to look at him as his worry spiked.
"He's noticed our rings," Dean explained.
There was no verbal reply, but Dean could sense the sudden tension and disapproval that his husband felt and it reminded him of just how strongly Castiel felt about this particular aspect of Christianity as practiced on Earth.
"A matched set," Colonel Anrig repeated slowly, as if to be sure that he'd gotten it right. "But they are marriage rin- Ah, some States allow it now."
A muscle in Dean's jaw tightened. "Yeah, some States do. Not that it matters as there is no official marriage license registered anywhere." That made clown guy react more visibly than what had come before, confusion and surprise blossoming across his face. "What Cas and I have goes so far beyond mere human marriage that it's not even funny. We've bonded, Colonel, as is the tradition among angels, his Grace to my soul, in a connection that nullifies the whole till death do us part thing as death has no effect whatsoever on the bond. We have the rings because Castiel knew what they meant to me and to signify our relationship to other humans. Angels have no equivalent as none can fail to see our bond."
It was a far longer speech than Dean had intended to give on the matter, but once he'd got going, he hadn't been able to stop. Perhaps it had been a reaction to how he knew most Vatican officials would take the news of his and Castiel's relationship, or perhaps it was because he was afraid that if he didn't get it all out now that he wouldn't have the chance to do so later. Either way it didn't really matter as he'd said it all now and he jutted his chin out and dared clown guy to say anything contrary to his face.
"Grace to soul?" Colonel Anrig finally managed to get out, shock and disbelief clearly evident.
"It's the angel way," Dean replied.
"But you're... he's..."
"Apparently God doesn't care about that. Oh and piece of advice? Nothing sets off Castiel faster than any hint of his Father hating anything or anyone. So don't, just don't."
"The Bible?"
It wasn't even a full sentence but then Dean didn't need it to be either. "Human interpretation of God's Will and Word. A not altogether very accurate one either from what Castiel and Michael have said."
This was all starting to be far too much for clown guy and Dean was more than happy to drop the subject temporarily, even if he wished that it could be permanently. The only thing was, he had to know how this would affect the Vatican's promised protection of Lisa and Ben.
"Are Cas and I going to have to take the Braedens somewhere else?" Dean asked.
"What?" Colonel Anrig questioned, shaking his head a little as if to clear it before an indignant expression crossed his face. "No!"
Dean immediately relaxed, easily able to recognize affronted pride when he saw it. Whatever else clown guy might think about what he'd just revealed to the man, Anrig took far too much pride in his work to do anything to jeopardize either it or his reputation when it came to being able to carry out his duties. Between that and the fact that he seriously doubted that even the pope would do anything rash considering that he had the angels at his back, he knew that leaving Lisa and Ben here with the Vatican's people was still the best thing to do.
/
That something had been bothering his hunter, Castiel had known for a few hours. Both the pensive expression on Dean's face and the churning emotions that he'd felt via their bond had been enough to alert him to that. What he hadn't quite been sure of was whether this was something fleeting or something more serious but he hadn't wished to pry with all of the others around, first at the Vatican and then downstairs as the day's events were explained to his bond mate's family who'd been concerned with Michael and Dean's rather abrupt disappearance this morning.
Now, however, they were alone and the fact that his bond mate had groomed the same section of his smallest left wing several times told Castiel that whatever was wrong, it wouldn't just go away on its own.
"Something is troubling you," Castiel stated, figuring that might be the best way to start and hoping that his beloved would feel comfortable enough in their bed to finally open up about what was bothering him.
"Hm?" Dean inquired abstractly before looking at him.
"You've been quiet and pensive all afternoon and evening."
Dean pulled a face but didn't deny it, which Castiel chose to take as a good sign. Besides, when it came to patience, he knew that he would always win. It was not a virtue that his bond mate possessed in any form of excess, though he had seen his human wait silently for hours when on a hunt.
"The first time that I met Ben, I thought he was mine," Dean said softly five or ten minutes later, finally stopping his repetitive grooming.
Although intrigued, part of Castiel wanted to tell his bond mate that he didn't need to talk about it as he could sense the turmoil that Dean now felt. At the same time, however, he knew that it was ultimately best for his hunter to discuss it. Besides, the fact that his bond mate was willing to do so with as little prompting as this was a massive improvement and he didn't want to do anything to impede that. Which was why he ruthlessly suppressed the flare of jealousy that he felt at the thought of why Dean might have thought that Ben was his. It was from a time before they had met and he really didn't begrudge his human his past relationships, such as they were. There was just something about Lisa that always managed to set him on edge. Since he hadn't wished to burden his bond mate with these emotions, he hadn't been able to untangle their meaning fully, but he strongly suspected that it was because of the way in which Lisa had hurt Dean.
"It was about eight years after the first time I'd met Lisa and Sam and I were in the area again," Dean continued. "This was also shortly after I'd made my deal."
The reference to that hated event caused a rush of emotions to flash through Castiel but he tried to suppress them, not wishing to disrupt Dean's story. The way his bond mate's eyes flashed up to meet his, though, told him that he'd not been fast enough. Instead of using the potential excuse to shift the topic to something perhaps less 'chick flicky,' it merely made his hunter shift carefully, so he lowered his wings through the mattress so Dean could move to lie on his side beside him, before he brought them up once more.
"I..." Dean began, bringing a hand up to rest on Castiel's chest. "I was still mostly in my denial phase at that point and was instead using the deal as an excuse to go wild and do whatever I wanted."
"So you decided to look her up," Castiel summarized when his bond mate hesitated.
"Yeah."
"And met Ben."
Dean laughed. "Imagine my surprise. Instead of finding Lisa as I remembered her, she was the mother of a kid about old enough to be mine and acting much as I did back then."
"So you thought he was yours."
"Yeah."
"He is not."
"I know. Lisa told me she'd had a type back then, so Ben's similarities to me were because she'd been drawn to me and Ben's father for the same reasons."
"Milton does not fit this... type."
"No kidding," Dean laughed. "He's practically the polar opposite of it."
It heartened Castiel how easily his bond mate was able to discuss Lisa's new boyfriend now. It proved that the pain of her actions had faded sufficiently to not bother his hunter too much. He flattered himself that he was the reason for that easy acceptance. The lack of hurt also allowed him to voice a question that had long been bothering him.
"I don't understand how she can be happy with him."
"People's choices and preferences change," Dean said, a smile curling his lips upwards as something sparked in his hunter's eyes. "You weren't exactly my normal type either, Cas."
"No, but you found someone better, she did not."
"Cas! Arrogant much?"
"Only if I were making that statement based on a view of myself compared to them, which I'm not. If you can give me the name of someone who's treated you right, as you deserved to be treated, I will retract my assertion," Castiel countered before he frowned. "But only the first part of it."
Dean's smile was gone now, Castiel saw, but he could tell from his bond mate's emotions that he hadn't said the wrong thing. Instead his hunter seemed to be thoughtful, back to the contemplative mood that Dean had been in earlier. It frustrated him a little as he still didn't think that he'd gotten to the real heart of his bond mate's thoughts and, correspondingly, he didn't know how to help his human. Failing that, he really did want to be able to understand it so he knew how best to support him. The problem was that Dean still didn't consider searching that out automatically for all issues yet.
"I'd say that I don't deserve you if I didn't know you'd take offense to that," Dean finally said. "Just, thanks, Cas. As for Lisa, everyone needs something different and maybe she just didn't realize what she needed until Milton came along. I definitely didn't until well after I met you."
"I still don't understand."
"I'm sure Sam's said the same thing about us on more than one occasion and I wouldn't be surprised if Bobby's not wondered as well. That's not what's important, the fact that it works is."
The inability to understand annoyed Castiel a little but it wasn't the first time that he had to simply accept that he wouldn't comprehend certain aspects of humanity. It bothered him more than usual, though, as normally it wasn't a facet of humanity or human behavior that was upsetting his bond mate and so was preventing him from fully understanding what was wrong or how he could help Dean.
"If that is not what is bothering you, then what is?" Castiel inquired.
Dean frowned at him. "What do you mean?"
"You're being extremely contemplative, it's not normal."
Instead of responding verbally, his bond mate made an affirmative noise in the back of his throat. Castiel frowned as his hunter's eyes went unfocused as Dean's thoughts deepened. Not wanting to startle his bond mate but still wanting to refocus Dean's attention on him, he brought his hand up and flattened it over his hunter's hand where Dean had absently been tracing random patterns on his chest. The tactic worked and his hunter's eyes refocused glancing at his hand before Dean looked back up at his eyes.
Castiel was doing his best to not start panicking as his bond mate clearly wasn't alarmed or even that worried, but it was difficult nonetheless as Dean's behavior was so peculiar. He was starting to understand what humans meant when they said that they could see someone's mind racing as it was clear that his bond mate was thinking carefully about something. Dean's nose twitched in a way that he found adorable and had noticed his bond mate doing before when concentrating deeply on something.
Then, just when Castiel thought that he couldn't simply wait patiently any longer, Dean seemed to come to a decision or conclusion. His bond mate relaxed, lowering himself to the mattress beside Castiel and snuggling up against him. He shifted his arm to allow his hunter to get comfortable and then wrapped his wings around Dean to keep him warm as the night cooled around them.
"What do you think of adoption, Cas?" Dean finally asked.
"Adoption?" Castiel repeated with a frown, not entirely sure what was meant with the word.
"Mm, it's when people, generally a couple, take in a child who either has no parents or whose parents didn't want them or were deemed unfit to take care of them."
"Why would a parent not want their child?"
"Beats me, but it happens."
"So this adoption is to make sure they have people who want them?"
"Yeah."
"Then it sounds like a good thing."
Castiel wished that he could see his bond mate's face as he felt that he was missing something. Why had Dean asked him about adoption? Why had his hunter been thinking of it? Was it because of what had happened to Lisa and Ben? Had his hunter been thinking of where Ben might have gone if Lisa had died? Surely Dean would have wanted to keep the boy safe himself?
Oh. Castiel suddenly thought that he might know why his bond mate was thinking of this now. It was a strange idea because, as an angel, he's never considered the notion of having children or of raising them. He wasn't sure what to make of it now, but one thing he did know was exactly how important family was to his bond mate and for humans the idea of family was almost inexorably linked with having children.
"How does the process work?" Castiel inquired, putting aside his own feelings to think about when his hunter had fallen asleep.
"I don't know exactly, but there's some kind of vetting process to check that the people would be good parents and can actually afford to raise a child."
The latter confused Castiel at first but then he thought about the food and clothing the child would need. Then there was also the fact that he had always observed that parents of very young children almost always had a lot of items with them or the unusual contraptions in which the little ones sat or slept.
Dean laughed bitterly. "As you can imagine, a hunter would probably be their worst nightmare. No steady job or income, not to mention the problems they'd have with the constant moving about and the danger."
"You were raised like this and became a good and righteous man."
"It's no way to raise a kid though. It was Mom's worst nightmare for Sam and me. Besides, we were constantly dodging CPS, uh, child protective services. Teachers or neighbors saw the bruises from the training or hunts and they thought the worst, calling CPS or the cops."
The emotions were flooding hard and fast over the bond now and Castiel could hardly keep up with identifying them, much less understanding why it was that his bond mate felt them. There were thoughts and emotions in there for John Winchester; love, anger, devotion, loss and a hint of recrimination. There were also lingering remnants of what his bond mate had felt earlier in the day; the panic and terror, the relief and guilt. Then on top of that were the emotions produced by their current topic of conversation itself, and those were far too tangled for him to fully unravel, but he could tell that there were both positive and negative emotions wound into the nexus along with an intense feeling of longing or desire. For what precisely he couldn't fully make out, not with what Dean had said earlier, about how a hunter's lifestyle was no way to raise a child. He was well aware that for his bond mate hunting was almost literally in his blood and, aside from the Apocalypse, was something that Dean actually quite enjoyed.
What Castiel couldn't fully understand was why this was all coming out now. Yes, he knew that seeing Ben once more might have triggered some underlying desire, but...
Realization came suddenly and it stunned Castiel momentarily. It explained everything, though. He simply hadn't recognized it for what it was as he hadn't been aware that Dean had reached that point yet. One of the things which he'd always hoped to help his bond mate become better at was thinking of what Dean wanted, both for himself and of his life. This was the first truly independent sign that he'd succeeded on some level. He only wished that it was with something that he could actually have granted his beloved.
Still, despite that Castiel was not going to let this opportunity slip by. The last thing that he wanted was for Dean shove his own desires aside again, just assuming that they weren't possible.
"Unless it's a child who's already aware of what's out there," Castiel said softly.
"What?"
"You said that it's no way to raise a kid, but if it's a child that has already been unfortunate enough to have firsthand experience with the evil that exists, then they may feel more comfortable with someone who knows enough to protect them, instead of dismissing their fears out of hand."
"I- I hadn't thought of that," Dean admitted. "Won't help a hunter pass the vetting process though."
To that, Castiel had no reply, but he hoped that the point that he had raised might make his bond mate seriously consider how he could have other things that Dean wanted but didn't necessarily need.
Chapter 193