Unexpected Destinies Chapter 160
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash, mentioned het
Word Count: 4,103
Summary: Sam awakens after the latest part of Raziel's ritual.
PRESENT
Awareness returned to Sam slowly as it hadn't done in years. Only, unlike the last time that he'd slept with Jess, it wasn't a nice, languid return to the land of the living, but rather a slow struggle through a molasses of uncertainty and disquiet. When he finally did manage to break free of it all it was to find himself in his bed, the sheets sweaty and hopelessly tangled around his legs.
Sam simply lay there for a few moments, breathing hard and trying to sort everything out in his head. Everything from yesterday evening was a jumble and the only reason that he wasn't panicking is because Castiel had warned him ahead of time that the Abramelin oil in the potion had precisely this type of effect on humans. The pieces slowly came back together in his mind and once they had he winced, almost wishing that they hadn't. The shame and humiliation from the early part of the evening when confronted by the entirety of his living family as well as all of Dean's archangels was bad enough, but to regain the memory of exactly how painful last night's portion of the ritual had been was more than he needed to remember.
In an effort to distract himself, Sam turned around to look at the far too quiet half of the room where Dean had been sitting the last time that he'd woken from a portion of the ritual and his heart sank when he found it not only empty, but also vacant of the chair that had stood there the last time to signify that his brother had spent the night at his side. He tried not to let that bother him too much, but it didn't seem to work. Just the idea that Dean hadn't felt it necessary to stay at his side after what he'd gone through hurt far more than he cared to think about.
Automatic anger began to rise within him and Sam was already beginning to mutter under his breath about the changes in Dean when he tried to shove the sheets aside to rise. Both his movements and his mutterings stopped abruptly as his muscles screamed their pain at him. He gasped and dropped back at the unexpected sensations, limbs twitching. It took him a few seconds to recognize the pain as that which he'd felt before when he'd seized as the result of something he'd been exposed to on a hunt and it made him realize that he'd done so last night during the unimaginable pain. Which only made his big brother's absence all the more unusual and hurtful.
The abrupt transition from anger to pain earlier had made Sam realize just how quickly his rage had grown within him and it made him uncomfortable now even as the anger tried to lick it's way to life within him once more. It was one of the few things which he remembered with particular clarity from his time as Lucifer's vessel, the sheer, unimaginable rage the devil felt. It had been difficult to wrap his mind around, having been the product of a non-human entity that had been nurtured by countless millennia trapped alone in a small cage in Hell. It had become so warped that he'd not fully understood what it was at first and while his own rage wasn't even so much as a grain of sand in comparison, the mere idea that having been exposed to that had altered his own anger response made him feel physically ill.
Instead of giving into his anger, Sam tried to analyze it critically. He understood why he was angry, just not why he felt the need to become so enraged over it. The entitlement that he discovered horrified him and he was up and on his knees before the trash can in an instant. Since he'd not eaten much last night, there was nothing but bile in his stomach, but his body still did it's best to try and bring it all up. Was there really no part of him that wasn't touched by Lucifer's taint and influence? Had he really taken on so many of the devil's characteristics?
By the time that his stomach had finally settled, Sam's mind had already found the most likely reason as to why his brother wasn't here now. It wasn't that hard to do once he shoved aside his anger, something which was infinitely easier to do with the horror and dread that he now felt. After all, what had happened the last time that Dean had spent the night at his side? He'd woken and started a massive argument with his brother, all but attacking Dean for what he could now see was a jealous reaction to the intimacy that he'd witnessed between his brother and Michael.
Intimacy.
The word made Sam swallow, but he tried to look at it rationally now. When he pushed aside the emotional complications that rose within him when it came to the oldest archangel (which he now strongly suspected came from Lucifer), he was left without much to guide his interpretation of what it was that he'd witnessed. What he knew about Michael that wasn't purely religious propaganda was severely limited and was all out of date. Ironically, most of that information also came from Dean and Castiel as he'd never met the oldest archangel himself before he'd become Lucifer's vessel.
The desire to write it all off as his brother having been unduly influenced by Michael just as he'd been by Lucifer was still present and Sam wasn't entirely comfortable with simply writing it off without further evidence. If nothing else he now had more proof that it was possible than ever before. After all, if he'd been so unconsciously and drastically influenced by Lucifer, then why couldn't Dean be experiencing the same with Michael? He couldn't see any reason why it shouldn't be considered, but he now realized that he needed to be more cautious in his approach and he had to also look for evidence that it wasn't the case either. Michael and Raphael did appear to have changed and Bobby also wasn't exactly a fool so if the older hunter didn't have alarm bells going off than it was entirely possible that there was nothing to worry about.
Sam just wasn't comfortable taking it at face value, though. If nothing else, he knew precisely how easily it was to be maliciously influenced into doing what others wanted all the while thinking that he was doing what was right. He wouldn't let his brother make the same mistakes that he had, not given the consequences and the guilt that resulted from them.
Slowly and carefully, Sam pushed himself to his feet, grimacing at the bad taste in his mouth. Once up, he began working through a series of stretches designed to loosen his limbs and hopefully get rid of most of the lingering pain that he still felt. Once he was ready, he'd go grab himself something to eat and then track down his brother and have a good long chat with Dean and see if he couldn't sort a few things out.
/
By the time that he'd showered, dressed and eaten, Sam felt vaguely human once more and more than ready to continue on to the next item on his to do list.
"Do you know where Dean is?" Sam asked his grandfather as he carried his dishes to the sink to rinse them.
"Yeah, he was muttering something about it being time to make some new ID cards, so he should be in the workshop in the barn," Samuel replied. "You sure you're feeling okay? You looked quite bad by the time we were done last night."
"Oh trust me, I'm going to be feeling it all day, but it's nothing that I can't handle. I think I hallucinated though."
"Oh?"
"Just before I fully lost consciousness I remember hearing something about a little one and a beloved."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you know what that might have been about?"
"No, but you'd be best off asking Dean, your brother insisted on carrying you himself even when the angels offered to do so. Bobby, Gwen and I stuck to cleaning up and ensuring that the next people to stumble across the clearing didn't go straight to the police and blabber about bizarre rituals and unauthorized fires."
Sam snorted. "That's the absolute last thing we need right now."
"Exactly."
"Okay, thanks, I'll ask Dean."
Dishes put away in the dishwasher, Sam stepped out onto the back porch and jogged across to the old barn that the Campbells had long ago converted into various rooms for storing and creating all kinds of hunter related tools and supplies. The sheer scope of it and just what it represented about his mother's family had amazed him and he couldn't help but wonder what Dean had thought of it all. His brother had always been far more interested in hunting than him and he could only imagine how validated Dean would have felt to learn that he came from a long line of hunters stretching all the way back to the Mayflower and beyond. It definitely explained why his big brother had taken to Dad's training so easily, just like a duck to water. Unlike for him and their father, Dean had clearly possessed a certain amount of innate hunter skills and instincts.
Sam couldn't help but smile at the thought of how relieved Dean must have felt upon learning of his heritage. Though his brother would rather die than admit it, he knew that Dean had always felt somewhat of a sting at how poorly his brother fit in everywhere. Dean could pretend that he didn't care and shunned normal all that he wanted, but he knew better. He'd seen the occasional longing look that his brother had thrown at a traditional family enjoying a normal day out, though those had severely decreased in frequency over the years, but he still couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't some of that left over now despite Dean's profession in the desert that it wasn't his brother's dream.
Inevitably that train of thought led right back to Becky's revelation about Dean and Castiel being in a relationship together and Sam pulled a face. It wasn't that he was prejudiced, it was just that it was Cas. Not only was his friend an angel, but Castiel was as close to being asexual as anyone that he'd ever known. If Becky hadn't been quite so enthusiastic about them and Bobby hadn't confirmed what she'd said then he'd never have believed it. He'd tried to see it after that, but aside from the one night when they'd all watched a movie together, he'd been unable to see anything particularly new or different. Sure they stood closer together than was normal, but then they'd always done that. At most he'd noticed that Dean didn't seem quite as bothered by the closeness as before, but that had already been starting to happen the last time he'd seen them together before they'd become a couple.
A couple.
The words just didn't fit Dean and Castiel no matter how much Sam tried to make them. If anything that only served to underscore exactly how much his brother had changed during their time apart and as before he felt a pang at the thought. Part of why he'd always gotten so angry before was because he hadn't like the idea that his big brother had moved on and grown without him and that he no longer knew Dean like he had before. Perhaps he'd have to see if he couldn't find a new exercise routine that would give him aching muscles all of the time as the pain he now felt did wonders to counteract his instinctive and damn near continuous rage. He knew that without it he'd have lost his cool just now and raged about his brother and how Dean had been supernaturally influenced. The irony that it was actually him who'd been thus altered wasn't lost on him and left a bad taste in his mouth.
Even worse, it wasn't lost on Sam now that half of the changes which he'd observed in his brother were ones that he'd often wished to see wrought in Dean. It figured that he'd get what he'd always wanted and not like it. He really should have known to be more careful about what he wished for.
"Hey, Dean," Sam greeted as he entered the workshop room where Samuel kept everything needed to make fake IDs of all kinds.
"Sam," Dean replied, looking up and giving him a once over. "How are you feeling?"
"Not too bad, all things considered."
"Good."
There was another flare of jealousy when his brother turned his attention back to what he was working on and Sam had to bite it back. God, who'd have thought that Lucifer was such a little child in so many ways? He couldn't help but wonder if the devil had always been like that or whether that was the result of having spent millennia locked up alone in a cage. Though, given that Lucifer was said to have fallen due to jealousy, perhaps it was just innate.
"What are you working on?" Sam asked instead. "Some of your old IDs getting worn out?"
"Nah, this is for Cas."
There was the jealousy again, but also a certain amount of humor. "He gotten any better at impersonating a federal agent?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, he has, but that's not what I'm making. I'm just making him a new driver's license."
"Oh."
Sam had been steadily approaching the workbench and now he glanced over his brother's shoulder and frowned at what he saw. Most of it looked pretty normal, even- surprisingly- the photo of Castiel. Absently he noticed that Dean had chosen to use Massachusetts as the state along with a date that seemed vaguely familiar as the date of birth, but it was the name that captured his full attention.
Castiel Winchester.
Above and beyond any rational problems the use of that name would cause, Sam nearly choked at all of the emotional connotations of it. Could Dean really not be aware of exactly what that implied about him and Castiel? He found it incredibly difficult to believe and yet, on the flip side, he found the alternative option almost equally hard to believe as that would mean that not only had his big brother somehow overcome all of the commitment issues that Dean had but that his brother was actually thinking of a genuine long-term relationship.
With an angel.
With an angel that Dean would not be able to simply ditch whenever he wanted to.
"Uh, Dean," Sam began, deciding to go with the logical argument first. It just seemed safer. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, giving Cas our name. If the FBI sees it, well..."
"Didn't I tell you? The FBI's not an issue anymore."
"Just because Henriksen declared us dead before he died doesn't mean that our name isn't in the system anymore."
"Oh it's still in the system, it just doesn't lead to anything anymore."
"What?"
"The Vatican wiped the records and made them looked like sealed documents. We won't have any FBI problems anymore unless we do something new to pop up on their radar."
"The Vatican did what?"
"Wiped the records."
"What? How?"
Dean shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal and part of Sam just wanted to grab his brother and shake him. The Vatican had wiped their FBI records! How was this shrug worthy information instead of earth shattering news?
"Don't know, I think they have someone in the FBI. They seem to have people all over the place. I used one of their contacts while in South Africa as well when Raph and I needed to get hold of one of the key to the gateway of Hell there."
Sam closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten backwards. In Spanish. Okay, it was best to deal with one thing at a time here and just make a mental note of the other issues to bring up later.
"Okay, so the FBI's not an issue anymore, but do you really think that it's wise to give Cas our name on his license?" Sam asked.
"I'm not giving him our name, I'm giving him my name. And besides, he wanted it before when I couldn't do it yet because of the FBI issue."
The closest chair was only a few feet away and yet Sam hardly made it there before he collapsed. My name. He could hardly believe Dean's words, not to mention how casually his brother had uttered them, almost as if it were nothing. Just what the hell had he missed during their time apart? And how could Dean have changed so drastically in only a year when it had hardly seemed like his brother had changed at all when they'd gotten together again when looking for Dad? He didn't get it. Sure, intellectually he knew that people could change, but this was Dean and his big brother had just always seemed so constant and unchanging, even when he'd desperately wished for Dean to change. He wasn't sure if that said more about how quickly his brother had grown up or how little Dean had grown since being a kid, but right now he didn't really care. All that mattered was that his brother had changed and he'd managed to miss it.
Sam hated the way it almost felt like Dean was a stranger to him now.
"Dean," Sam finally managed to force out.
Something about his tone must have gotten through to his brother as Dean stopped what he was doing and looked up at him. For a few moments they simply looked at each other before his brother sighed and put down the tools he was using.
"Okay, fine, you want to talk, Sammy? Let's talk. What do you want to know?"
"I-"
For once in his life, Sam found it nearly impossible to get the words he wanted to say out. Part of it was probably because his mind was racing a mile a minute, frantically attempting to analyze Dean's words from every possible angle, seeking a more mundane meaning for them than what had already occurred to him. No matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't come up with anything else. His brain just kept getting stuck on the whole Dean and Cas thing along with the fact that his brother apparently wanted the angel to bear his name.
/
The obvious struggle on his little brother's face made Dean wince before he shot to his feet and began pacing the room. Of course it figured that the one time he gave in and allowed Sam to talk to him about something that his brother couldn't get the words out. The worst thing was that he'd been putting off and dreading this particular conversation for so long that to have it drawn out now when he was finally ready to have it was even worse.
Aw, hell, he couldn't believe that he was going to be the one to start this. Dean was sure that the fates hated him.
"Look, Sam, Cas and I are together as you already know."
"There's a huge difference between being together and wanting the other person to have your name!" Sam countered.
Well apparently his little brother had found his tongue again. "I'm well aware of that, Sammy."
"It's Sam, and what do you mean when you say that you want him to have your name? Is it just because he doesn't have one of his own? There are other names that he could use."
Dean closed his eyes and hung his head in disbelief. And to think, Sam was the educated one with a full degree from Stanford university and everything. So how could his little brother be so dense? If he didn't know any better he'd swear the little bitch was doing it just to make him say it aloud. Well if Sam thought that he wouldn't do it or that it would make him uncomfortable than his brother was sorely mistaken.
"No, Sam, it's not because Cas doesn't have a name of his own. The first license I made for him had the name Novak as I figured it would be an easy one for him to remember. I'm making this one because Cas and I are essentially married, or rather bonded, which is the angelic equivalent thereof."
The silence behind him was rather telling and Dean slowly opened his eyes and turned around to face his little brother. All of the color had drained from Sam's face and his brother was looking at him with pure, unadulterated shock written all over his face. A small part of him wanted to whip out his phone and take a photo, but he shushed it, not wanting to do anything to distract from the real issue here or to make Sam think that he was being anything other than one hundred percent honest. His brother's gapping fish imitation would have been hilarious though if it had been about anything other than what it was.
"You- Cas- You're married?" Sam finally questioned in disbelief. "Angelically married?"
"Yes."
"Jesus, Dean!"
"What? You don't approve?"
"I- God, Dean, you've been together how long?"
"Really together? Almost a year, but we'd really been dancing around each other ages before that without even knowing it."
"And you're okay with it?"
Dean scowled. "Hey, I'm the one who proposed!"
"You? Was it deliberately?"
"Of course it was deliberately! Dude, Cas would never have allowed it otherwise. Hell, he wasn't even going to suggest it out of fear of making me feel obligated and he only accepted after he was sure that I was truly aware of what I was asking for."
"What does that mean?"
"It's called bonding, Sam, and it means at the Grace level, or in my case at the soul level."
"At the... you're saying that you've tied your soul to Cas' Grace?"
"Yes, precisely."
If he wasn't fully aware of how big of a step that had been, Dean would be insulted by his brother's reaction. As it was, though, he could kind of understand where Sam was coming from. The last time that they'd seen each other before his brother had said yes to the devil, he and Cas hadn't particularly been on the best of terms with each other and now they were bonded on a level that Sam would never truly understand. It was a big difference but he stood by his earlier declaration that he and his bond mate had been dancing around each other for years now. He'd just been too stubborn and blind to see it and his angel simply hadn't known what it was that he felt.
The sound of the door opening behind him was a welcome distraction and Dean turned to see who it was that had joined them.
"Hey, Samuel," Dean said. "I've got something to tell you, figure I might as well let everyone know at once. Right, Sam?"
Dean cast a quick glance over his shoulder back at his brother to see if Sam had come out of his shock yet, but the frown he saw was not what he'd been expecting. That combined with the lack of response from his grandfather made him frown as well because the old man had always seemed far too interested in anything pertaining to him.
"Everything alri-" Dean began, but his voice cut off in a sharp, involuntary intake of breath as his chest seemed to suddenly seize.
Absently Dean was aware of Sam frantically shouting his name as he looked into the cold, dead eyes of his grandfather, his vision becoming strangely fuzzy at the edges as a foreign coldness started to seep into his body, heading straight for his very soul. Confusion filled him but at the same it time felt oddly distant, just like the sudden flood of panic and terror pouring from his bond with Cas and, to a far lesser extent, the one with Michael. Their voices were as frantic and distant to him as his brother's as he slowly glanced down from Samuel's face to his grandfather's fingers wrapped tightly around the hilt of the knife protruding from his chest and angled exactly right for the blade to pierce his heart.
A.N.: Hey peeps, not sure how many people keep track of the flag counter I have on the journal, but the number of unique visitors (it only counts on visit per time you open a browser so people who never close their browser only ever count once) has breached 1 million!!! I'm so excited, thanks guys!
As for this chapter... *runs & hides*
Chapter 161
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash, mentioned het
Word Count: 4,103
Summary: Sam awakens after the latest part of Raziel's ritual.
PRESENT
Awareness returned to Sam slowly as it hadn't done in years. Only, unlike the last time that he'd slept with Jess, it wasn't a nice, languid return to the land of the living, but rather a slow struggle through a molasses of uncertainty and disquiet. When he finally did manage to break free of it all it was to find himself in his bed, the sheets sweaty and hopelessly tangled around his legs.
Sam simply lay there for a few moments, breathing hard and trying to sort everything out in his head. Everything from yesterday evening was a jumble and the only reason that he wasn't panicking is because Castiel had warned him ahead of time that the Abramelin oil in the potion had precisely this type of effect on humans. The pieces slowly came back together in his mind and once they had he winced, almost wishing that they hadn't. The shame and humiliation from the early part of the evening when confronted by the entirety of his living family as well as all of Dean's archangels was bad enough, but to regain the memory of exactly how painful last night's portion of the ritual had been was more than he needed to remember.
In an effort to distract himself, Sam turned around to look at the far too quiet half of the room where Dean had been sitting the last time that he'd woken from a portion of the ritual and his heart sank when he found it not only empty, but also vacant of the chair that had stood there the last time to signify that his brother had spent the night at his side. He tried not to let that bother him too much, but it didn't seem to work. Just the idea that Dean hadn't felt it necessary to stay at his side after what he'd gone through hurt far more than he cared to think about.
Automatic anger began to rise within him and Sam was already beginning to mutter under his breath about the changes in Dean when he tried to shove the sheets aside to rise. Both his movements and his mutterings stopped abruptly as his muscles screamed their pain at him. He gasped and dropped back at the unexpected sensations, limbs twitching. It took him a few seconds to recognize the pain as that which he'd felt before when he'd seized as the result of something he'd been exposed to on a hunt and it made him realize that he'd done so last night during the unimaginable pain. Which only made his big brother's absence all the more unusual and hurtful.
The abrupt transition from anger to pain earlier had made Sam realize just how quickly his rage had grown within him and it made him uncomfortable now even as the anger tried to lick it's way to life within him once more. It was one of the few things which he remembered with particular clarity from his time as Lucifer's vessel, the sheer, unimaginable rage the devil felt. It had been difficult to wrap his mind around, having been the product of a non-human entity that had been nurtured by countless millennia trapped alone in a small cage in Hell. It had become so warped that he'd not fully understood what it was at first and while his own rage wasn't even so much as a grain of sand in comparison, the mere idea that having been exposed to that had altered his own anger response made him feel physically ill.
Instead of giving into his anger, Sam tried to analyze it critically. He understood why he was angry, just not why he felt the need to become so enraged over it. The entitlement that he discovered horrified him and he was up and on his knees before the trash can in an instant. Since he'd not eaten much last night, there was nothing but bile in his stomach, but his body still did it's best to try and bring it all up. Was there really no part of him that wasn't touched by Lucifer's taint and influence? Had he really taken on so many of the devil's characteristics?
By the time that his stomach had finally settled, Sam's mind had already found the most likely reason as to why his brother wasn't here now. It wasn't that hard to do once he shoved aside his anger, something which was infinitely easier to do with the horror and dread that he now felt. After all, what had happened the last time that Dean had spent the night at his side? He'd woken and started a massive argument with his brother, all but attacking Dean for what he could now see was a jealous reaction to the intimacy that he'd witnessed between his brother and Michael.
Intimacy.
The word made Sam swallow, but he tried to look at it rationally now. When he pushed aside the emotional complications that rose within him when it came to the oldest archangel (which he now strongly suspected came from Lucifer), he was left without much to guide his interpretation of what it was that he'd witnessed. What he knew about Michael that wasn't purely religious propaganda was severely limited and was all out of date. Ironically, most of that information also came from Dean and Castiel as he'd never met the oldest archangel himself before he'd become Lucifer's vessel.
The desire to write it all off as his brother having been unduly influenced by Michael just as he'd been by Lucifer was still present and Sam wasn't entirely comfortable with simply writing it off without further evidence. If nothing else he now had more proof that it was possible than ever before. After all, if he'd been so unconsciously and drastically influenced by Lucifer, then why couldn't Dean be experiencing the same with Michael? He couldn't see any reason why it shouldn't be considered, but he now realized that he needed to be more cautious in his approach and he had to also look for evidence that it wasn't the case either. Michael and Raphael did appear to have changed and Bobby also wasn't exactly a fool so if the older hunter didn't have alarm bells going off than it was entirely possible that there was nothing to worry about.
Sam just wasn't comfortable taking it at face value, though. If nothing else, he knew precisely how easily it was to be maliciously influenced into doing what others wanted all the while thinking that he was doing what was right. He wouldn't let his brother make the same mistakes that he had, not given the consequences and the guilt that resulted from them.
Slowly and carefully, Sam pushed himself to his feet, grimacing at the bad taste in his mouth. Once up, he began working through a series of stretches designed to loosen his limbs and hopefully get rid of most of the lingering pain that he still felt. Once he was ready, he'd go grab himself something to eat and then track down his brother and have a good long chat with Dean and see if he couldn't sort a few things out.
/
By the time that he'd showered, dressed and eaten, Sam felt vaguely human once more and more than ready to continue on to the next item on his to do list.
"Do you know where Dean is?" Sam asked his grandfather as he carried his dishes to the sink to rinse them.
"Yeah, he was muttering something about it being time to make some new ID cards, so he should be in the workshop in the barn," Samuel replied. "You sure you're feeling okay? You looked quite bad by the time we were done last night."
"Oh trust me, I'm going to be feeling it all day, but it's nothing that I can't handle. I think I hallucinated though."
"Oh?"
"Just before I fully lost consciousness I remember hearing something about a little one and a beloved."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you know what that might have been about?"
"No, but you'd be best off asking Dean, your brother insisted on carrying you himself even when the angels offered to do so. Bobby, Gwen and I stuck to cleaning up and ensuring that the next people to stumble across the clearing didn't go straight to the police and blabber about bizarre rituals and unauthorized fires."
Sam snorted. "That's the absolute last thing we need right now."
"Exactly."
"Okay, thanks, I'll ask Dean."
Dishes put away in the dishwasher, Sam stepped out onto the back porch and jogged across to the old barn that the Campbells had long ago converted into various rooms for storing and creating all kinds of hunter related tools and supplies. The sheer scope of it and just what it represented about his mother's family had amazed him and he couldn't help but wonder what Dean had thought of it all. His brother had always been far more interested in hunting than him and he could only imagine how validated Dean would have felt to learn that he came from a long line of hunters stretching all the way back to the Mayflower and beyond. It definitely explained why his big brother had taken to Dad's training so easily, just like a duck to water. Unlike for him and their father, Dean had clearly possessed a certain amount of innate hunter skills and instincts.
Sam couldn't help but smile at the thought of how relieved Dean must have felt upon learning of his heritage. Though his brother would rather die than admit it, he knew that Dean had always felt somewhat of a sting at how poorly his brother fit in everywhere. Dean could pretend that he didn't care and shunned normal all that he wanted, but he knew better. He'd seen the occasional longing look that his brother had thrown at a traditional family enjoying a normal day out, though those had severely decreased in frequency over the years, but he still couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't some of that left over now despite Dean's profession in the desert that it wasn't his brother's dream.
Inevitably that train of thought led right back to Becky's revelation about Dean and Castiel being in a relationship together and Sam pulled a face. It wasn't that he was prejudiced, it was just that it was Cas. Not only was his friend an angel, but Castiel was as close to being asexual as anyone that he'd ever known. If Becky hadn't been quite so enthusiastic about them and Bobby hadn't confirmed what she'd said then he'd never have believed it. He'd tried to see it after that, but aside from the one night when they'd all watched a movie together, he'd been unable to see anything particularly new or different. Sure they stood closer together than was normal, but then they'd always done that. At most he'd noticed that Dean didn't seem quite as bothered by the closeness as before, but that had already been starting to happen the last time he'd seen them together before they'd become a couple.
A couple.
The words just didn't fit Dean and Castiel no matter how much Sam tried to make them. If anything that only served to underscore exactly how much his brother had changed during their time apart and as before he felt a pang at the thought. Part of why he'd always gotten so angry before was because he hadn't like the idea that his big brother had moved on and grown without him and that he no longer knew Dean like he had before. Perhaps he'd have to see if he couldn't find a new exercise routine that would give him aching muscles all of the time as the pain he now felt did wonders to counteract his instinctive and damn near continuous rage. He knew that without it he'd have lost his cool just now and raged about his brother and how Dean had been supernaturally influenced. The irony that it was actually him who'd been thus altered wasn't lost on him and left a bad taste in his mouth.
Even worse, it wasn't lost on Sam now that half of the changes which he'd observed in his brother were ones that he'd often wished to see wrought in Dean. It figured that he'd get what he'd always wanted and not like it. He really should have known to be more careful about what he wished for.
"Hey, Dean," Sam greeted as he entered the workshop room where Samuel kept everything needed to make fake IDs of all kinds.
"Sam," Dean replied, looking up and giving him a once over. "How are you feeling?"
"Not too bad, all things considered."
"Good."
There was another flare of jealousy when his brother turned his attention back to what he was working on and Sam had to bite it back. God, who'd have thought that Lucifer was such a little child in so many ways? He couldn't help but wonder if the devil had always been like that or whether that was the result of having spent millennia locked up alone in a cage. Though, given that Lucifer was said to have fallen due to jealousy, perhaps it was just innate.
"What are you working on?" Sam asked instead. "Some of your old IDs getting worn out?"
"Nah, this is for Cas."
There was the jealousy again, but also a certain amount of humor. "He gotten any better at impersonating a federal agent?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, he has, but that's not what I'm making. I'm just making him a new driver's license."
"Oh."
Sam had been steadily approaching the workbench and now he glanced over his brother's shoulder and frowned at what he saw. Most of it looked pretty normal, even- surprisingly- the photo of Castiel. Absently he noticed that Dean had chosen to use Massachusetts as the state along with a date that seemed vaguely familiar as the date of birth, but it was the name that captured his full attention.
Castiel Winchester.
Above and beyond any rational problems the use of that name would cause, Sam nearly choked at all of the emotional connotations of it. Could Dean really not be aware of exactly what that implied about him and Castiel? He found it incredibly difficult to believe and yet, on the flip side, he found the alternative option almost equally hard to believe as that would mean that not only had his big brother somehow overcome all of the commitment issues that Dean had but that his brother was actually thinking of a genuine long-term relationship.
With an angel.
With an angel that Dean would not be able to simply ditch whenever he wanted to.
"Uh, Dean," Sam began, deciding to go with the logical argument first. It just seemed safer. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, giving Cas our name. If the FBI sees it, well..."
"Didn't I tell you? The FBI's not an issue anymore."
"Just because Henriksen declared us dead before he died doesn't mean that our name isn't in the system anymore."
"Oh it's still in the system, it just doesn't lead to anything anymore."
"What?"
"The Vatican wiped the records and made them looked like sealed documents. We won't have any FBI problems anymore unless we do something new to pop up on their radar."
"The Vatican did what?"
"Wiped the records."
"What? How?"
Dean shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal and part of Sam just wanted to grab his brother and shake him. The Vatican had wiped their FBI records! How was this shrug worthy information instead of earth shattering news?
"Don't know, I think they have someone in the FBI. They seem to have people all over the place. I used one of their contacts while in South Africa as well when Raph and I needed to get hold of one of the key to the gateway of Hell there."
Sam closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten backwards. In Spanish. Okay, it was best to deal with one thing at a time here and just make a mental note of the other issues to bring up later.
"Okay, so the FBI's not an issue anymore, but do you really think that it's wise to give Cas our name on his license?" Sam asked.
"I'm not giving him our name, I'm giving him my name. And besides, he wanted it before when I couldn't do it yet because of the FBI issue."
The closest chair was only a few feet away and yet Sam hardly made it there before he collapsed. My name. He could hardly believe Dean's words, not to mention how casually his brother had uttered them, almost as if it were nothing. Just what the hell had he missed during their time apart? And how could Dean have changed so drastically in only a year when it had hardly seemed like his brother had changed at all when they'd gotten together again when looking for Dad? He didn't get it. Sure, intellectually he knew that people could change, but this was Dean and his big brother had just always seemed so constant and unchanging, even when he'd desperately wished for Dean to change. He wasn't sure if that said more about how quickly his brother had grown up or how little Dean had grown since being a kid, but right now he didn't really care. All that mattered was that his brother had changed and he'd managed to miss it.
Sam hated the way it almost felt like Dean was a stranger to him now.
"Dean," Sam finally managed to force out.
Something about his tone must have gotten through to his brother as Dean stopped what he was doing and looked up at him. For a few moments they simply looked at each other before his brother sighed and put down the tools he was using.
"Okay, fine, you want to talk, Sammy? Let's talk. What do you want to know?"
"I-"
For once in his life, Sam found it nearly impossible to get the words he wanted to say out. Part of it was probably because his mind was racing a mile a minute, frantically attempting to analyze Dean's words from every possible angle, seeking a more mundane meaning for them than what had already occurred to him. No matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't come up with anything else. His brain just kept getting stuck on the whole Dean and Cas thing along with the fact that his brother apparently wanted the angel to bear his name.
/
The obvious struggle on his little brother's face made Dean wince before he shot to his feet and began pacing the room. Of course it figured that the one time he gave in and allowed Sam to talk to him about something that his brother couldn't get the words out. The worst thing was that he'd been putting off and dreading this particular conversation for so long that to have it drawn out now when he was finally ready to have it was even worse.
Aw, hell, he couldn't believe that he was going to be the one to start this. Dean was sure that the fates hated him.
"Look, Sam, Cas and I are together as you already know."
"There's a huge difference between being together and wanting the other person to have your name!" Sam countered.
Well apparently his little brother had found his tongue again. "I'm well aware of that, Sammy."
"It's Sam, and what do you mean when you say that you want him to have your name? Is it just because he doesn't have one of his own? There are other names that he could use."
Dean closed his eyes and hung his head in disbelief. And to think, Sam was the educated one with a full degree from Stanford university and everything. So how could his little brother be so dense? If he didn't know any better he'd swear the little bitch was doing it just to make him say it aloud. Well if Sam thought that he wouldn't do it or that it would make him uncomfortable than his brother was sorely mistaken.
"No, Sam, it's not because Cas doesn't have a name of his own. The first license I made for him had the name Novak as I figured it would be an easy one for him to remember. I'm making this one because Cas and I are essentially married, or rather bonded, which is the angelic equivalent thereof."
The silence behind him was rather telling and Dean slowly opened his eyes and turned around to face his little brother. All of the color had drained from Sam's face and his brother was looking at him with pure, unadulterated shock written all over his face. A small part of him wanted to whip out his phone and take a photo, but he shushed it, not wanting to do anything to distract from the real issue here or to make Sam think that he was being anything other than one hundred percent honest. His brother's gapping fish imitation would have been hilarious though if it had been about anything other than what it was.
"You- Cas- You're married?" Sam finally questioned in disbelief. "Angelically married?"
"Yes."
"Jesus, Dean!"
"What? You don't approve?"
"I- God, Dean, you've been together how long?"
"Really together? Almost a year, but we'd really been dancing around each other ages before that without even knowing it."
"And you're okay with it?"
Dean scowled. "Hey, I'm the one who proposed!"
"You? Was it deliberately?"
"Of course it was deliberately! Dude, Cas would never have allowed it otherwise. Hell, he wasn't even going to suggest it out of fear of making me feel obligated and he only accepted after he was sure that I was truly aware of what I was asking for."
"What does that mean?"
"It's called bonding, Sam, and it means at the Grace level, or in my case at the soul level."
"At the... you're saying that you've tied your soul to Cas' Grace?"
"Yes, precisely."
If he wasn't fully aware of how big of a step that had been, Dean would be insulted by his brother's reaction. As it was, though, he could kind of understand where Sam was coming from. The last time that they'd seen each other before his brother had said yes to the devil, he and Cas hadn't particularly been on the best of terms with each other and now they were bonded on a level that Sam would never truly understand. It was a big difference but he stood by his earlier declaration that he and his bond mate had been dancing around each other for years now. He'd just been too stubborn and blind to see it and his angel simply hadn't known what it was that he felt.
The sound of the door opening behind him was a welcome distraction and Dean turned to see who it was that had joined them.
"Hey, Samuel," Dean said. "I've got something to tell you, figure I might as well let everyone know at once. Right, Sam?"
Dean cast a quick glance over his shoulder back at his brother to see if Sam had come out of his shock yet, but the frown he saw was not what he'd been expecting. That combined with the lack of response from his grandfather made him frown as well because the old man had always seemed far too interested in anything pertaining to him.
"Everything alri-" Dean began, but his voice cut off in a sharp, involuntary intake of breath as his chest seemed to suddenly seize.
Absently Dean was aware of Sam frantically shouting his name as he looked into the cold, dead eyes of his grandfather, his vision becoming strangely fuzzy at the edges as a foreign coldness started to seep into his body, heading straight for his very soul. Confusion filled him but at the same it time felt oddly distant, just like the sudden flood of panic and terror pouring from his bond with Cas and, to a far lesser extent, the one with Michael. Their voices were as frantic and distant to him as his brother's as he slowly glanced down from Samuel's face to his grandfather's fingers wrapped tightly around the hilt of the knife protruding from his chest and angled exactly right for the blade to pierce his heart.
A.N.: Hey peeps, not sure how many people keep track of the flag counter I have on the journal, but the number of unique visitors (it only counts on visit per time you open a browser so people who never close their browser only ever count once) has breached 1 million!!! I'm so excited, thanks guys!
As for this chapter... *runs & hides*
Chapter 161